How Much Do You Love Stuff?
Posted by Gail | Filed under Money & Family
One of the things I’ve noticed with the people I’ve worked with on TDDUP, and with Princesses in particular, is their love of stuff. It is the acquisition of more and more stuff that often drives people into the hole. Sure, there are folks who are experience pigs, but they are the rarity. Most people’s obsession is far more material, which is why I end up making them carry their TVs, their debt in weight, their stuff around with them for a while.
You might want to try this at home too. If there is something that you think you can’t live without, pile a mess of it into a knapsack and carry it around with you for about a week. Doesn’t all that stuff get heavy? Better yet, if you have debt, carry a representational amount of it around. So if you owe $30,000, make 1 pound of weight equal $1,000 and carry around 30 pounds of your stuff (or weights). Will you get the message fast.
Our obsession with stuff is unhealthy. If you are shopping to make yourself feel better, to fill a void, or to prove to other people that you’ve made it, you’re shopping for all the wrong reasons. And if every time you see something new, something shinier, you HAVE to have it, you’ve really got it bad. Stuff does nothing to fill our lives with meaning. But it can lead to Debt Hell. If you’re obsessed with needing bigger houses so have the space you need to hold all your stuff, you’re playing a dangerous game.
Shopping to stave off the Screaming Blue Miseries means you’re not dealing with what’s making you unhappy. And doing it on credit is only going to add to your pile of woe. Buying beautifully things for other people to show how much you loooove them is not really saying “love” as much as telling them would, or doing something for them that would truly bring them joy. Simple things like cooking them dinner on a night when they’re at their busiest, or heading over and cutting their lawn and weeding their garden on a weekend when they’re away. Or offering the take the kids overnight so they can have a romantic evening to themselves. There are so many ways to show people you love them that shopping is really the easy way out. And if you’re doing it on credit, you’re not even using your money!
Some people think they have to drop a wad just to have some friends: if they aren’t clubbing or eating out in a restaurant, it can’t be as much fun. Really? In my parents’ day, the basket-party was the thing. Everyone would get all dressed up (no fancy, just fun) fill a basket with their contribution to the eats, and bring along some great music. And they’d have a heap of fun. How did that get replaced with limos and bottle service for a way to hang with friends?
People also get remarkably attached to their stuff. You can take away their right to choose and they’ll let you. You can take away their ability to shop, and they’ll let you. But try to separate them from their stuff and they’ll panic. I’ve seen it over and over. It’s like the stuff has some sort of stranglehold on their psyches.
As you move away from your addiction to stuff you may find yourself reluctant to give something up, even if you don’t really use it. Ask yourself why. What’s holding you back from getting rid of this particular possession? Does the item have an emotional connection?
While we were on vacation last March, I lost a ring that I’d recently bought while swimming in the Caribbean. “Oh” I gasped when I realized it. “I’ve lost my ring.”
“Were you attached to it yet?” asked Alex.
“No” I said.
“Good” said she.
We tend to get emotionally attached to our stuff. Sometimes we say we “love” our stuff. Really? Love? Sometimes it is because we have lovely memories attached to that stuff. But memories are of the mind; they’re not physical. So why marry the stuff?
Life, not stuff, is what matters. Think about things that you’ve lost, that have been stolen or that have broken. At first you thought you couldn’t live without them. But you got over it. That connection was all in your head. But your life… well, know, that’s a series of moments that is streaming through your consciousness and how you use those moments can create joy, serenity, contentment. Or you can use them to put yourself in an ugly place by measuring them in stuff.
You know the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” When you sit back and look over your life right now, what do you think about? I’ll bet dogs to donuts that it’s not the stuff. It’s the people and the places, the experiences, the joys and the sorrows, the feelings. What you fill your life with is what truly matters, not the stuff.
How do you deal with the stuff that you’ve become attached to? How much of a hold does your stuff have on you?
July 19, 2010 at 7:15 am
I still have an attachment to my first car. even though it has long since been in the scrap yard. However that affinity I feel for it isn’t because of the car, it is all the adventures I had in that car, the travelling I did with my brother, driving the car from one coast to the other and back again. Those adventures are still near and dear to my heart.
regards,
Jason
July 19, 2010 at 7:59 am
Gail, I’ve struggled with “stuff” over my journey this year to get to debt free.
I wouldn’t say I was a shopaholic previously, but I did (and do) like to shop. Years ago I used to hold an annual garage sale. In hindsight, I realize that this was just a way for me to purge things I’d purchased and grew (quickly) tired of, and wanted to clear the way for new things to buy. Usually these were things to decorate the house, or toys for the kids when they were little. I was never much of a clothes-horse.
Then we moved to a house that was twice as big. Imagine the room for stuff!
Fast-forward to my life in Toronto, where real estate is expensive, space is at a premium and if you want to be financial self-sufficient, you need to watch your pennies. While I don’t live in a closet, my home is small enough that I can only store things that are seasonal, or keepsakes. I can’t afford (the room or the money) to store stuff just because I liked something and bought it. Clothing is the same. Both girls and I have small closets. When something new comes in, something has to go out. We simply don’t have the room. I can’t even keep most of our toiletries in the bathroom – no storage. It’s remarkable how many personal care products we simply don’t buy anymore because there is no room to put them!
The lack of attachment to stuff is liberating. My rule is, it must be functional, beautiful or a family piece. The latter category only pertains to extra special things, not everything that was from a family member.
While I don’t think I’m totally cured of my attachment to shopping, I do an awful lot less of it than I used to. As you’ve said many times, it’s an expensive pass time.
July 19, 2010 at 8:04 am
I’ve long ago gotten over being attached to stuff. I’m too practical for that, but I happen to live with a houseful of pack-rats. It’s hard to purge the house of clutter and “stuff” when everyone is crying over what I’m throwing away. It can all be a bit too dramatic for me! Personally, if I had it my way, this house would only be filled with the things we use and truly value. The hard part is getting everyone else on board with my plan.
July 19, 2010 at 8:27 am
I got over the attachment to my stuff when I had kids…once they became toddlers accidents happened more frequently than when it was just me and my hubby…sooo I had to choose between being very emotional (sad angry etc) and just letting go and moving on with the day…I chose to move on…I also gave up “cash therapy” as a way to cope…now I am continually throwing away stuff or donating it…once in awhile I may have a yard sale…I like having the extra room…not for more stuff…just to be able to breathe..lol…this year when I decorate my house for each holiday I am going to take whatever I haven’t put out from that holiday’s decorations and get rid of it!..I am just going to keep the favourites…no more no less….
July 19, 2010 at 8:41 am
There’s a book I recently read titled The Cheapskates Next Door, and in interviews done with self-identified cheapskates, they valued experience over “stuff”. These people actually saved up and spent money on vacations the family would remember while being frugal in many other aspects of their lives, because there is no substitute for life experiences, especially “stuff”.
July 19, 2010 at 9:06 am
Has anyone noticed the abundance of storage facilities popping up across the country these days? Every corner I turn there’s a new latest-n-greatest place to store your stuff. And YOU get to pay them to store YOUR crap! Unreal, the attachment people have to their stuff and that they’re willing to pay a monthly fee to keep it. I have no problem throwing things out. I will hang on to some school drawings from the kids over the course of each year, just because I don’t want them to wonder if they ever did anything in school besides work, work, work. *kidding*
My closet is pretty bare right now because I finally got around to donating clothing I’d bought over 5 years ago that just doesn’t make me feel well put together anymore. Unfortunately I have to wait to start work next month to replenish, but it’s going to be more smart pieces that work well together.
My only thought on being attached to stuff is my aversion to not wanting to be attached to nothing. I lived in a house for a couple of years in my 20s that I absolutely despised. I wanted more for myself, and I really didn’t like the unsavoury neighbourhood, the lack of care everyone around me seemed to take for their homes, and those that did seemed to do it all for nothing, because others would break things, uproot pretty flowers, etc. At that point I decided I’d never again in my life see myself in a place like that again. And God willing (and my Gailism beliefs as well) I won’t.
July 19, 2010 at 9:13 am
I have noticed that Jordan and I seem to be accumulating more and more stuff – that’s for sure! Some of that stuff though, is meant to enhance our experiences with other people. For example we have a tonne of camping gear – far more than most tenter’s probably have. But having all that ’stuff’ aloud us the oppotunity to go camping with my family for a week – we went camping over July long weekend with friends who didn’t have the same equipment that we do…. I love thinking back on those times/experiences.
I don’t think we need all of our stuff – but that’s just an example where it sure can be helpful.
The stuff that I’m attached to, and that I can’t seem to get rid of – is clothes. No, I don’t go shopping all the time and I’m not a princess. I just seem to not be able to purge clothes that don’t fit anymore. Nor am I able to replenish the clothes that I need (for work etc.)…..that is my trouble with stuff….
July 19, 2010 at 9:15 am
“Experience pig”? Aaaahahahaa…. it sounds so bad but it feels so good. Bless my Momma, ’cause she was an experience pig. Our home was not an explosion of stuff, but memories. Zillions of photos of everyone just living life. Much nicer to look at on a crummy day than the inside of a mall.
It’s amazing how our homes can insulate us from the outside world, both good and bad.
Personally we live in a very “well edited” home, and it doesn’t come easy. But everything has a home and a purpose. Try living this way and then going to a friends home who is a pack rat, it feels like you are literally being smothered alive!
What’s that saying, you don’t realize the weight you’ve been carrying until it’s been lifted? I think that counts for STUFF too
July 19, 2010 at 9:18 am
@Mrs.T
Do a web search on the FlyLady… she might have all the answers you need on dealing with your pack rats and moving forward
Good luck!
July 19, 2010 at 9:22 am
I admit that I am attached to my cameras because they have capture my life since it started and the pictures I have taken. I have purged a lot of things over the years. I bought one tiny carved wooden bird over the years and now my mum is always buying me wood birds. I have since got rid of most of them. Why can’t I just tell her to stop? I know she has fun in her retirement travelling and when she sees small wood birds she thinks of me and my parrot flock (pets).
July 19, 2010 at 9:37 am
Personally and we’ve talked about it before, I don’t quite understand Gail’s war on ’stuff’ when she admits that she has to have a freezer full of food at all times (which presumably is ‘ok’). I think there’s a bit of a logical disconnect there. Instead if you’re in debt for your stuff, that’s a big deal otherwise it’s nunya.
and PS I’m a notorious hater of stuff and a strong advocate of donating gently used goods.
July 19, 2010 at 9:40 am
I am more of an experience person. I try to get people to buy experiences for my kids instead of more “stuff” too. My house just can’t fit more stuff, we have enough ( I am a bit of a pack rat, and we downsized to 1/3 of our old house after the split). This year since we will be going to Florida our Christmas gifts will be tickets for Disney and Sea World.
July 19, 2010 at 10:17 am
I have helped clean out more than my share of houses of relatives who have ‘dearly departed’. Ohhhh the stuff. I am sure it meant something to them. As we cleaned though there was so much that wasn’t an antique, didn’t have a memory to go with it or wasn’t coveted by another.
After my grandmother passed, I began to purge. I would ask myself ‘who is going to want this stuff when I die??’
July 19, 2010 at 10:49 am
I had a very funny experience again with my parents. We just recently built a deck in our back yard. We were reckless to do it because we basically did it with our emergency funds. Anyhow, it was something we wanted to do for a while and after our family went through some health hardships we just wanted to live it up.
However, we only went so far as we felt comfortable and we have tried not to spend any more than necessary. No lawn furniture (the old broken chairs will have to do) and no BBQ until we pay off the deck (aka rebuild emergency fund).
Well my parents don’t see it this way. They just insisted in buying us a new BBQ. I got into an argument with them trying to tell them that we are doing just fine without a BBQ. Nobody died from not having a BBQ. We are not suffering because we don’t have one. Anyway, they got very very offended. Eventually , I conceded that they would buy us the darn thing. Only, in order not to make us feel worse they offered to buy a really cheap model. Which drives me even crazier because I would much rather wait to buy a good one. Because nothing, nothing drives me crazier than having to throw large appliances to the landfill … So I said to them, forget about that model, let us buy the expensive model, and I will make up the difference between the 129$ which they wanted to buy for us, and the 400$ which we ended up buying. So now I’m another 300$ in the hole for the sake of family peace…
Sigh. They mean well. Gotta love ‘em.
Thanks for listening.
July 19, 2010 at 11:41 am
@ioana
Sometimes, you just gotta suck it up, accept the gift, and say thanks. It’s something I’ve run into before with both parents and in-laws. They really want to help out – both sets of parents are financially healthy and have taken care of their retirement/care planning, and part of their enjoyment is spending money on their children.
It doesn’t cost us much to be grateful for it, though we do ask them to keep the focus on experiences, such as shared vacations, rather than stuff. We live so far away (us in Scotland, parents & in-laws on Vancouver Island) that we generally see each other once a year, so any shared time together is treasured. We all went to Florida a couple of winters ago, and although we had budgeted for the whole trip, my parents and my husband’s parents insisted on defraying the costs for us.
It’s very funny that your story centred around a BBQ – that’s the same item my parents insisted on buying us this summer, at a time when my husband was unemployed and we had decided to put off purchasing one ourselves. Now we are buying our first house (mortgage based only on my income, so we’re keeping it nice and small), and the in-laws want to buy one of our big appliances. *le sigh*
For the sake of family peace, we usually just do the gratitude thing, and double-check with siblings that it seems fair all around.
July 19, 2010 at 11:56 am
On another note, had a very interesting conversation with the husband (bother – I’m just going to abbreviate to DH now) this morning about experience vs. stuff. He auditioned on the weekend for a friend’s production of West Side Story and got called back tonight so they can decide whether to cast him as Riff or Tony (rooting for Riff here – Tony’s such a whiner). Thing is, the production is in Glasgow, and we live in Edinburgh. The DH is going to have to travel at least twice a week between cities for about 4 months through rehearsals, and then every night for the week of the show. Because of the timing, he’ll have to buy regular price (not off peak) tickets for the train on the weeknight rehearsals. It’s not going to be cheap – including the Glasgow subway tickets and Edinburgh bus tickets to get to/from the train stations, we’re looking at about 600 pounds.
We run the household on a mine/yours/ours split, with an equal personal spending amount each month. The DH was insisting that he pay for it all out of his own personal spending, which would leave him with basically nothing for clothes, fun, or any other spending. I said hell no, wanting to take some money out of our planned spending “fun” category to subsidize all those train trips. We ended up compromising on simply raising *both* our personal spending amounts for the months of the show – it’s not like we can’t afford it, and this satisfies the DH’s need for his version of fairness. Besides, he *loves* performing – he’s happiest when he’s involved in an amateur production, especially musicals.
I count myself lucky that what he wants is experiences, not stuff.
July 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm
I try not to imbue items with too much love and affection — they are inanimate and the memories are in my head, not the item. However, I am a creative person, and I have a weakness for items that look nicer, so I will overpay on items just because I like the way it looks. I don’t care about brand name, just appearance.
The only other “stuff” that I have imbued a lot of emotion into is my coin/money collection. I have collected coins since I was a child and I have felt a little more fanatical about rebuilding the collection.
I was unemployed for a period of time a long time ago when I was first “starting out” and had to sell some of my best coins in order to have $ for food (unemployment having run out), and then as I was walking to the subway on yonge right after selling them, I was pickpocketed and not only did I not have my coins, I still had no money for food. A very low point.
I’m not sure how many coins will be enough — but somehow in my head, being a successful person is having a kick-ass coin collection.
Although, technically speaking coins have held their value, and many people consider them to be an investment.
July 19, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Thank you Gail for this post. I was just thinking this weekend about me and my young friends – it feels like a competition when it comes to the things that we have in our lives, or the numerous places we have gone. I have done a lot of reflecting on that and have realized that most of my best memories were made on the deck of my house that my boyfriend and I built ourselves, or in the house that we brought back to life. It is mattering less and less to me that I find a picture for that bare wall, or the perfect rug for the dining room, and it feels really liberating.
This is also timely after a conversation that I had with my Mom over the weekend about how her partner seems to look to the “stuff” for happiness. I hope this message will resonate and he can look for the things in his life that truely makes him happy that he can’t buy.
July 19, 2010 at 12:27 pm
I’m glad I wrote this comment because it made me realize how crazy I’m sounding, and how ungrateful.
What an effort it takes to see our own flaws…
July 19, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I don’t have a lot of trouble getting rid of most things like clothing and housewares, and regularly take items to Value Village or Goodwill. Where I have difficulty is with things I’d like to donate but they have been given to me by friends or family members that often visit. These items tend to be very nice, and sometimes costly, but are decorative and are meant for display. I just don’t want this stuff but feel guilty if it’s not around when the giver comes.
July 19, 2010 at 1:37 pm
A bit of topic but reading Alison’s last post made me whisful for Scotland. We just returned on Thursday after a wonderful 3 week vacation to visit my aunt/uncle and first cousins. We stayed in Polmont and travelled to Glasgow/Paisley area frequently. Also we spent a great day in Edinburgh just as the festivals were going to start. The weather left a lot to be desired but we enjoyed the countryside, the castles and monuments and spent three lovely days at the beach in Ayr.
Although I continue to fight my battle against buying stuff I don’t need I am a big fan of spending money on experiences. This trip allowed us to reconnect with our family and the memories are priceless. We gave it to ourselves as our 25th wedding anniverysary present and I am already trying to figure out when we can go back!
July 19, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Obviously my brain is still recovering. Please excuse the spelling mistakes
July 19, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I used to have attachments to ‘my stuff’, but over the years, as we’ve had children and have had to buy, store, and get more stuff for them, I lost many attachments, and have actually become less sentimental just to get the feeling of SPACE in our little bungalow.
Over Christmas, as I was putting decorations away (way too many, plan on cutting down by half this year), the diamond on my engagement ring popped out, gone, no where to be found amid all the glitter and glitz of Christmas. I was upset, but realized I was only upset because I felt that I SHOULD be upset. After all, it’s just a ring. I had a diamond already replaced on my wedding band, and the jeweller did such a crappy job of it, I thought, does sentiment really matter? So, I still don’t have an engagement ring or wedding ring to wear, and most of the time, I don’t think of it — except at family occasions, where I don’t want the inlaws thinking there’s trouble in paradise LOL. Granted, I wouldn’t be adverse to DH buying me a new set, but at a time when we are a bit more secure in our finances would be better.
I am like many of the others on this blog — I’d much rather spend our money on experiences than things. When we go away, I HATE that DH or children want to buy souvenirs — I figure the souvenirs are the memories and the photos of the moments we’ve shared.
July 19, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Timely post Gail.
Closets and drawers have been cleared out to half their content – off to a women’s shelter. Gone.
So far, 12 boxes of antique glass boxed up. Probably 8 more to go. Off to auction July 29th.
The clothes are no problem for me. My problem are the antiques in my family for well over 50 years. I’m keeping those older than that for now.
Neither of my kids are interested in antiques – so, with a heavy heart -I’m clearing out.
July 19, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I really think people buy things to regulate their emotions. I figure that we get a rush of “happy chemicals” when we purchase something, due to our evolutionary history of hunting and gathering. But then our same brains crave novetly, so we have to go out and find something different to give us that rush again. Then we buy ourselves the problems outlined above-the things that once brought us flashes of joy now bring headaches.
I, like others, have suffered this ailment. My unrealistic attachment was to books. I longed to have a library filled with all the books I’d ever read. I’m a voracious reader and this quickly got out of hand. When we moved far, far, away and had to pay per pound to move all of our stuff, I got vicious with myself, only keeping those that I absolutely love and know that I will read again. Once I started, it got easier and easier. I finally realized that if I really had to get my hands on a particular book again, I could get it out of the library, borrow it from a friend, or, god forbid, buy it again. Now I try to ensure that I pass books along to others as soon as I’m done with them, so I don’t get too attached. It’s amazing how my mindset has changed-now I’m excited to share them with others!
July 19, 2010 at 2:27 pm
@ioana – I hope I didn’t come off as saying you are crazy or ungrateful! I sympathize with the way you feel. It’s really hard to accept gifts sometimes, especially if you are like me and you need, somehow, to feel like you’ve accomplished your goals all by yourself. Asking for and accepting help are two things I struggle with in my personal life.
@Leslie P – Isn’t Scotland beautiful? I love living here – it is so much like home on the West Coast, and yet so different at the same time. The in-laws have done a house swap for 3 weeks this summer and are staying inland of Ayr. We’re spending the weekends with them, then they are coming back over to Edinburgh for a week. I’ve never been in Ayrshire before (only moved to Scotland 9 months ago), and can’t wait to see Culzean Castle and maybe the Isle of Arran.
We are buying a house and I am having the exact opposite impulses to what everyone said would happen. I am looking forward to getting rid of even more STUFF when we move! It’s only 6 weeks away, and nothing is safe. We’re going from a 1 bed flat to a 2 bed house, and we’ll have a lot more space for stuff, but less stuff to put in it. It’s brilliant. Though at the same time, having an attic to store those seasonal items like camping gear and winter boots is going to be a big relief. Finding space for those things has always been a challenge in a small flat.
July 19, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I think I’m in trouble…. I don’t think I could part with my stuff. I have a stock piling issue. Ok.. not like a candidate to be on a hoarders type show but I do feel majorly better when I have five extra boxes of crackers in the pantry… the funny thing is I WORK IN A GROCERY STORE. I really do panic when we have one bag of milk left.. all I can think about is replenishing.
I’m a scrapbooker too. I have a room filled… FILLED with paper and crafty parafanalia. There is never enough. Kid’s toys are a problem for me too.
I do think I have some OCD. My son has Aspergers and my husband and I are pretty sure it stems from my side of the gene pool. I feel like I have a problem that could get me into more problems…
I’m glad I read this article… and like watching Gail’s show, it will give me a temporary reminder of how normal people act
July 19, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Alison – Ayrshire is beautiful and Culzean Castle is a great place. My only problem is driving on the wrong side. Fortunately our relatives brought us everywhere. If we had to do it ourselves we would have been in big trouble!
July 19, 2010 at 3:12 pm
hmm…one of my sibs & i were just talking about this yesterday. though my mom has passed we still need to go through all her stuff; it’s too big a project for dad, on many levels. one of my other sibs has already raided the jewelry box & other valuables, while sis & i are trying to figure out which charity we should donate all these wonderful things to. my dad came up with a great solution; we’ll donate some here & some there. we’ll empty the pantry & give it to the food bank. clothes to the thrift store connected to their church. furniture to a young family my father knows. etc etc my mother’s photo albums & cherished letters from my dad as he travelled the world in the navy will stay with sis & i. and anything dad wants stays. her books go to the library, except any the family want. thankfully, of my 6 sibs, only 1 is a stuff person. i have only learned in the past 6 months or so how free and clean i feel by having cleaned out, donated, tossed, many of my possessions. seeing my mom’s photos of family moments on vacation, 1st communions, birthdays, and the like makes me realize how much happier i am with experiences.
though it took me quite a while to learn it, that’s for certain. i’ve had to overcome the clothes-horse attitude and when i donated about 75% of my closet i felt marvellously liberated. now i am really truly happy, deep down. a good lesson learned.
part of what i’ve learned too has been that i wasted way too much money on these “possessions”. and yes, on credit cards. so gail, lesson learned & heard loud and clear. i’m getting closer to dff and blogs like today’s just help reinforce my belief that i can and will do it! thanks gail.
July 19, 2010 at 4:03 pm
How timely this is! DH and I spent the whole weekend (interrupted with play time for our girls) cleaning, organizing and some purging. We both tend to be “collectors” of some things, not generally expensive, but over time they all add up, both in $$ and space. Add in twin girls (now 5) and all their toys and less time, and things can get quickly out of control. We have been trying to be better about clearing our our own stuff, while also teaching the girls to purge the items they are too old for on a regular basis, hopefully to help break the cycle of “collecting” as both DH and I came from families who do the same.
I seem to have the hardest time with items that were given to us as presents, even if we don’t need them, or want them. I feel guilty just giving them away. When I come across an item like this (or anything for that matter), I have to stop and reevaluate by asking “Is this item useful for US, not just is it useful or does it have use left”…. it has to have a use for us specifically. It seems like such a small distinction, but I realized as we started to ask this question that the answer for many items was different when this yardstick was used.
We battle on, but everytime we have a successful purging/donating session, it is so liberating.
I am a huge fan of scrapbooking and keeping our memories alive in photos and journalling rather than things, so we have been much better at not bringing new things into the house since the girls arrived, but still have the need to clear out the old.
July 19, 2010 at 4:22 pm
@geoff, I think Gail’s objection is specifically to stuff accumulating without even thinking about it. When stuff is accumulated mindlessly, it becomes clutter. And clutter in one are of your life tends to spill over into other areas. I think it’s all a matter of making sure that you are doing things mindfully. There are people who figurine collections, for example. They select each figurine with care and deliberation. They have a plan for what they want and where to put it. As long as they can afford it, then I don’t see the problem. But that’s different from buying every pretty trinket you see, without thought.
July 19, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I just spent the weekend with my 75 yr old mother, who still lives on the farm alone. Dad died in their bed 6 yrs ago, and the bedroom has now become a hoarder’s haven!! Mom has enough room on her side of the bed to sleep, the rest is buried with clothes that dad’s cousin left her when SHE died. Seriously, my mom wanted me to shorten 27 pairs of pants, in various shades of turquoise, pink, purple, green, blue, and black – polyester of course! I refused, telling her that she did not need them, but she still has them in that room. If I wasn’t on crutches, I would have ‘encouraged’ her to do some purging, and still intend to accomplish that this summer before I go back to work. The stuffed animals lining the back of the couch are another category that need to be purged, as are the dried flower arrangements in wicker baskets!! Seriously, these items aren’t even worthy of a garage sale, because NO ONE should have these in their house!! The stuff doesn’t represent her memories, either, because they all came from someone else’s garage sale. It will be a test of our mother/daughter relationship to get through this downsizing, but I am sure that the time saved dusting will be a selling point in my favor!! I have told her she can’t die for at least ten years, because I am not cleaning out her house. I also threatened that when she did die, that I would just take the wooden treasures that dad made and burn the house down! She replied, with a smile “you’ll be sorry!” and has hinted over the years of money hidden – … somewhere…! Dang it!!!
July 19, 2010 at 5:38 pm
I’m so attached to my stuff that you’d need a crowbar to pry me loose
I have the weirdest kind of animist belief when it comes to stuff. Deep down I feel that it is sentinent and needs to be respected, used as intended, taken care of, and given away only into good hands — never in the trash. Which means that I often keep stuff around that I do not use anymore because I have not found a good home for it yet. The up side is that I feel that getting more stuff is a little like adopting a puppy: It means taking on responsibility, and that is not done lightly. Also, I keep stuff functional long past its normal life expectancy (most of my kitchen gear is nearing its silver anniversary, and some of the electronics and most of the towels are well past it). Losing something, or accidentally breaking something is really bad. With the cats prone to scratching or smashing things, I have become very tidy and well-organised.
@ ioana: I have occasionally resolved a similar situation by explaining that I had set my eyes on a really expensive high-end device (I do that, I want it to last forever, after all), and would feel very bad to accept something that extravagant as a gift. It usually ends with us agreeing that when I finally buy it, my parents will put in some money, too.
July 19, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Someone once told me when I was moving homes, “Three moves are like a good fire.” Haha — that has always stuck with me.
July 19, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Hi there,
I saw Toy Story 3 recently, how much do you think our love of stuff has influenced that movie?
The idea that our toys live when we’re not in the room, that they love us and want us to keep them always….are the people who made the movie trying to instil in children a need to keep their stuff always as it has ‘feelings’?
Just a thought I had while reading this blog.
S
July 19, 2010 at 9:41 pm
There’s nothing like moving to make you realize how much stuff you don’t really want or need. Before we packed up the truck, we had lots of stuff for Goodwill. Now that we’ve been unpacking, we’ve found even more stuff! It feels good to purge and it feels good to help out a charity.
July 19, 2010 at 10:59 pm
I’ve always found that a good way to motivate myself to purging stuff is to invite someone over to the house. I then try to see my place through other people’s eyes and rather than be embarrassed by a messy place, I’ll tidy up and declutter. By making the invitation, I’ve set a deadline that I can’t put off.
July 20, 2010 at 8:40 am
About stuff What can I say! As a child we were moving all the time so it seemed so if you didn’t want to haul boxes all the time you got pretty efficient, now that I am a mother of 3 teenage daughters oh my what stuff they collect every once in a while I will tell them we are purging what can you give me? It’s amazing what they find
July 20, 2010 at 9:15 am
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July 22, 2010 at 9:13 am
Wow. This post was so well written. You’ve captured completely why being attached to stuff leads us in the wrong direction. As the readers of my blog will know, I recently moved and it meant downsizing – a lot. I got rid of a ton of stuff, including both my TVs (so I am TV-free now), and a pile of clothes and gifts and other objects that I associated with the past. I realized that memories are really what matter, and clinging on to objects from a life in the past wasn’t going to do me any good. I think, too, when you have less – and have only what matters to you – you can cherish it more, showcase it, and it can actually make you feel as though you’re living in abundance, not deprivation.
July 22, 2010 at 1:45 pm
I’m not a lover of stuff, and my Mom thinks my “unlove” for shopping is a little strange LOL! I’m sentimental to a degree, but it only goes as far as a few photo albums, pictures on CD’s, and my engagement/wedding rings. I’m lucky my husband isn’t a pack-rat either!
A couple years ago, we went through our storage room in our condo, and for people that don’t love stuff, we STILL managed to get rid of quite a bit! LOL!!
I used to love stuff more… and it reflected on my credit card bill. We now have a light at the end of the tunnel with a consolidation loan being paid off at the end of this year, and it’s feelin’ mighty good to not love stuff like we used to!
July 23, 2010 at 2:41 pm
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