Do You Know What You Have?
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
I consider myself a positive person. And 98% of the time I’m content. But from time to time I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. The air’s too cold or too hot. The kids are too lazy or too busy. The work is boring or too much. It doesn’t matter what my life actually looks like, all I can see is the crap. Who knows why I feel like shite! I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. I’m worried about something I don’t even realize I’m worried about. I’m ticked because I feel ignored, unloved or dismissed.
Emotions are weird and sometimes we can’t control how we feel if we just feel. But if we stop and think about how we feel, and accept that crap feelings are a part of life even when you have a good one, then you can make the conscious decision to take those feelings in hand. Miserable as I may be, I know I should be counting my blessings. Yes, that’s what I should do: count my blessings.
I believe that we can choose to be happy. Even if things suck right now, this minute, you can find something in your life to focus on that brings you joy. Sit and stroke your cat or play fetch with your dog. Listen to the twitter of birds as they zoom in to eat the food you’ve set out for them. Go find something funny to read or watch. Grab yourself by your short-and-curlies and haul yourself out of the funk. Or stay where you are and keep on being miserable. It’s your choice.
If you stay focused on what’s not working in your life, if you sit and complain, or ask “why me?” you will sink further and further into misery. Misery begets misery. Ditto if you surround yourself with people who are themselves mired. Find a happy person to be with and catch their happiness. Focus not on the fact that your job is intolerable right now, but on the fact that at home the children are healthy and happy, your partner has got your back or that the dog really loves you. (You feed the dog right? So the dog REALLY loves you.) Find the contentment in what you have instead of focusing on what you have not.
Maybe you love to run, or play squash, or swim. Go do it. Perhaps listening to your children playing puts you in the zone. Grab a cup of tea, forget the laundry and just sit and watch the kids playing. Maybe it’s sex… hey, rip a piece and get to a good place. Whatever you have that makes you happy, do it. Forgedabout what you “should” be doing. If you’re in a funk in all likelihood it won’t go well. Stop and focus on what you have for a while and then everything else will go better.
Counting your blessings has a way of helping you move your stare up from the gutter to the sky. When you choose to focus on how lucky you are instead of what your co-worker said to piss you off, you choose the sky. Let the co-worker rattle around in your head and you’re choosing the gutter. Yuck. Regardless, you’re choosing.
You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. So if you think that you can fix whatever is making you miserable by focusing on the external, you’re going to stay sad. Instead, take a deep breath and remember that you may not be in control of everything that happens to you, but you are always in control of how you react. You can go shopping and buy crap you don’t need to get yourself into a better mood or you can focus on what you do have and count your blessings.
Saying something nice to someone else will help too. Tell your kid how gorgeous (s)he looks today and catch the smile in your heart. Call a friend and tell her how much you love her and feel the love radiate back to you. Spend some time with people you like and watch your misery evaporate.
Make yourself smile. Sometimes just focusing on a little thing, smiling and breathing – just for about five minutes or so – can make the world of difference. Pull out that photo album of good memories and flip through. Or go sit on the swings for a few minutes. Give your honey a long hug. There now, don’t you feel better already?
June 18, 2010 at 6:37 am
Happy Birthday Gail!
Wanted to let you know how much you ARE loved! You are an amazing and beautiful person who always helps others. And, you are the driving force behind my aiming for debt free (nearly there…) Thank you for being who you are!
May your day be as special as you!
Hugs!!!!
June 18, 2010 at 6:38 am
I spend time every morning before I get out of bed just thinking about the blessings we have. I often don’t get through them all, but I’m generally happier when my feet hit the floor.
The Best cure for when I’m down, I big hug from my wife.
regards,
Jason
June 18, 2010 at 6:54 am
I saw this a few days ago and it really brings it back into perspective
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3nhqc01xB1qzpwi0o1_500.png
June 18, 2010 at 7:13 am
Happy birthday Gail! Hope you have an amazing year! Can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve seen you in Sudbury.
Thanks for the great post. I’m planning on keeping this one to read when I’m in a funk. I have a great family and am very blessed. Sometimes I just need a reminder – like the one you just gave. Here’s a hug for you too!
June 18, 2010 at 7:18 am
Hey Gail – Happy birthday!
For me I’ve come to realize that life is a gift. My wake up call was when my dad, my hero, died one year after his retirement (after working 34 yrs). So in order to ‘Carpe Diem’ – cease the day, I now get up a extra early and work out (keeps me healthy + feeling good) then paint (my passion). Then I do the work thing – and keep thinking at the back of my head that I’m the CEO of myself. Then I pour myself into the important things – like my family. I say to myself, ’self – even though at times things are not so good at work, and I work with some ‘bozos who only see me as a replaceable commodity’…I love myself. So I intentionally live fully & aim to fulfill my potential.
Now go play.
June 18, 2010 at 8:03 am
So true. It’s easy to let everyday ‘worries’ bring you down……..
look at the glass….see? it’s half full!
Happy Birthday.
June 18, 2010 at 8:07 am
Oh Gail, hot coffee getting snorted out the nose after reading the comment about ripping a piece or grabbing myself by the short and curlies definitely brought a smile to my face! I’ve been having a very thankful and thoughtful year, but yesterday I had a bad day…waiting for a call about a job that never came. Maybe the woman had an emergency, maybe there was a big meeting at her work, who knows. But I am hauling myself out of that 20 second funk and getting back to being happy and thankful, regardless of what is in or out of my control.
Thanks for the reminder, and peace!
June 18, 2010 at 8:08 am
Happy Birthday Gail! Thank you for being *YOU* : )
You not only teach people about money and managing “life” – you help people see the beauty of just being themselves – their authentic selves.
Jason, it sounds like you have a solid marriage. Don’t ever lose that. : )
Doreen – Wonderful attitude. I think I’m going to start to focus on the early day exercising. My spaniel seems to be encouraging this too as he seems to think that 5:40am is a fine time to get up! The challenge with walking a bird dog at 6am is that there are A LOT of bird out and he has the attention span of a squirrel!
Now if I could just convince myself to go to bed earlier…
Over all, I feel very blessed and loved. Life is good. : )
June 18, 2010 at 8:16 am
Happy birthday, Gail.
As always, your post is filled with good advice and ideas. Lots of suggestions for lifting yourself from the occasional funk or bad mood. Sadly, it’s not that easy for those living with depression.
June 18, 2010 at 8:22 am
Gail, you’re an amazing woman and clearly an inspiration to many out there. A very happy birthday to you, and best wishes for an amazing year to come for you and yours!
I think it’s important to make the choice to focus on the good stuff, and I am thankful both for the many wonderful things in my life, and for my luck in being generally happy and optimistic by nature (though there are some days you wouldn’t know it…
However, important to remember that not everyone can easily make the choice to be happy. For some of us, life has beaten us down so much that we’ve learned to be pessimistic through experience – because life has always sucked that hard and we just can’t imagine it being any other way. For others, mental illnesses such as chronic depression and bipolar disorder cast a cloud over our lives that’s due to chemical imbalances in the brain, which we can’t do much about apart from medication. For people in these situations, you’re probably going to need help to be able to count your blessings – but that help is out there – whether it be through a doctor, psychologist, counsellor or social worker!
June 18, 2010 at 9:22 am
Just you being you has brought phenomenal change in my life. After years of ‘trying’ to budget, now I just do and it feels normal and comfortable and easy. I have you to thank for that.
As I head to the end of the school year and there are a million and one things to do at lightning speed, you really do need that ‘cherish the moment’ attitude. I am blessed to have a phenomenal staff who really are, good friends. We laugh and share have such fun and that makes the difference in my life.
June 18, 2010 at 9:37 am
Happy Birthday Gail!!!
Thank you for bringing so much joy to every morning. You help keep what matters in life in perspective. Thank you so much for that. While it can be easy to slip into a funk at times, counting your blessings sure helps put things right again.
Thank so so much Gail. I hope you have a wonderful day! Hugs!!!!
June 18, 2010 at 9:48 am
I do feel better after reading this post. Thanks Gail!
June 18, 2010 at 9:49 am
Happy Birthday Gail
I learned early on how to count my blessings and choose happiness.
Some days are just bad – but going through the list of all the good things in my life always makes me feel better.
Hope this year coming up for you is the best ever – really looking forward to the picnic!
Have a good weekend everyone!
June 18, 2010 at 9:54 am
Depression and emotions are such an enormous aspect of debt and finances, I’m amazed by how LITTLE is written about this. It seems like a lot of money gurus just say “pull up your socks!” and ignore the emotional problems that contribute to, and are the result of, debt.
Very cool to see something written about this – thanks.
June 18, 2010 at 10:03 am
Happy Birthday Day Girl!
Well I wish I had read this yesterday! God I was so stressed out, and in such a panic yesterday over (as I see it now) nothing…I stress to quickly and than afterwards found myself thinking about the negative, and it got so outta control I had to call my husband out of a meeting just so I could cool down.
June 18, 2010 at 10:21 am
Happy Birthday Gail!!
There have been time in the last few years where it seemed that my husband and I focused on the negative. When my son became ill and they tested him for everything, including leukemia, and the initial diagnosis was proven correct, that it was juvenile arthritis, my husband was still upset as the year before one of our other kids had had surgery for scoliosis. My response, at least our son wasn’t on the cluster that consisted of the cancer kids. Our son could take drugs and live with his disease. Two years later one of our son’s best friends died of an inoperative brain tumor – that really puts things in perspective. I was amazed at some people saying, “You know how the parents feel, your son was in the hospital”. Yeah, no, my kid has a live-with disease, their daughter was dying.
I have noticed that when things seem to be going bad, if you just find one thing like Gail says, that is positive and focus on it, your problems don’t seem to amount to much. And believe me in the past 5 years, it always seems that no matter how bad our problems have been, unfortunately there has always been someone worse off than us.
June 18, 2010 at 10:50 am
Happy Birthday Gail!
Thanks for being one of the blessings! One of many! My kayak is on the roof of my van, and I’m counting down the minutes at my great job, until I can go to Peter Pan with my kids this afternoon and then go Kayaking on Georgian Bay. We are so blessed to live in this country!
June 18, 2010 at 11:50 am
You must be reading my mind. The hardest thing I struggle with is dwelling on the
negative instead of focusing on the positive. I was just counting my blessings this
morning to break out of this “yucky” feeling. Once again I’m fighting against my
ego, trying not to let it take over and have it’s need for attention ruin my day(s).
Thank-you for letting me know that I’m not the only one that feels like this every
now and again. Happy Birthday Gail…. HUGS!!!!
June 18, 2010 at 12:13 pm
happiest of happy birthdays gail. from the bottom of my heart, you have truly made me see the light & have given me the badly-needed kick in the a$$ to get myself straight. thank you for giving ME the gifts; may you be equally blessed!
i learned long ago 2 things that have made my life better. 1 (from my ex husband nearly 30 years ago) surround yourself with positive people. as gail points out, smile at someone, listen to a joke, give a hug. be with those who appreciate your quirks and craziness. and if someone is toxic, stay away-it is your choice to be with uplifting people. 2 the gratitudes. this came from my mother; every single morning i think of 5 things for which i am thankful. be it my job, the sun, my crazy kittie’s antics, a paycheck which allows me to pay the bills, chocolate, my daughter, whatever i can give thanks for, i do. it reassures me that i am truly blessed with the best this life has to offer, and i realize how truly awed i am when i stop to think of my riches.
when i read gail’s blog today i thought, what an empowering article. i make the choice, and today i choose to be content with my world and my place in it. when i think about it, gail is exactly right; i make the choice, and i live my choices. today i choose, intentionally and with all my heart, to be happy.
thank you again gail, for reminding me that i am, in fact, in control. and happy day!
June 18, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Happy birthday Gail! Good timing, as usual. I have had a week on the couch to contemplate life (and pain) and watch TDDUP reruns (sometimes marathons)! This past weekend was my aunt and Uncle’s 50th, and Sunday while in church I prayed for my 19 yr old ‘aimless’ son to find a purpose in life, other than video games. Monday I broke my ankle and blew out my knee! God has a sick sense of humor, but my son is back home living with me and answers when I ring the bell!! The emergency fund still does not exist, but the truck payment is insured, and I will get EI, even if only 55% of earnings
I may be down, but I am never out. As Kathryn stated, no matter how bad we might think our situation, someone is always worse. I saw this first hand seven years ago when I had Viral Meningitis and almost died. I recovered, and could walk by myself. Others on that ward were bedridden and vegetative. I have had relatives bring me meals this week, run errands, even go get me bananas when I had a craving, so I know that I am truly blessed. Even with my newest injuries, I can think of many things to be thankful for, and will make a point of reminding myself daily of those blessings. Believe it or not, the simple act of having a bath (finally) is a blessing!! Have a safe weekend everyone!
June 18, 2010 at 2:49 pm
I had a German team that was playing well. Now I don’t. WAAAAAANHHH! ;(oh Well I still have the Netherlands.
HB Gail.
June 18, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Seriously?!? Gail and I share the same birthday? Well I won’t forget it! Happy happy day, Gail! Hope you have another amazing trip around the sun!
As for me, I am blessed with a loving husband, happy and healthy kids, and wonderfully supportive extended family.
Have a great weekend everyone and happy Father’s Day to all dads, granddads, dads-to-be and so forth!
June 18, 2010 at 4:51 pm
After struggling years with chronic debt and depression, I feel so grateful to finally be on the right track. 2010 will be my year to become debt free forever!! I have a great partner, a wonderful home, and 4 loving furries. We are all healthy and gainfully employed. It doesn’t get any better than this!
Wishing you a wonderful year Gail, and thanks again!
June 18, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Happy birthday, Gail. Thanks for all your loving care and devotion to people who are ready to make a major change in their lives.
June 18, 2010 at 5:49 pm
@Geoff,
I just returned home from 2 weeks in the Netherlands…the Oranje craze is amazing!!!…even the toilet paper in the airport was oranje(not a misspelling…it’s the Dutch version..lol)…I was on the airplane home when Holland played their first game winning 2 – 0…whohoo!!…HUP Holland HUP!!!…seeing their excitement for their voetball will lift anyone out of the doldrums!!:)….
Happy B-Day Gail!!!
June 18, 2010 at 7:46 pm
One of my favourite sayings for looking at my blessings instead of my challenges is:
“Energy Flows Where Attention Goes”
In other words if you think about all the bad stuff then your energy will be focussed there. And likewise if you focus on the aspects of your life that you love, then that can only bring more energy there.
It works for me! And gets me out of gray funks.
June 18, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Happy Birthday Gail!
All the best to you. I look forward to reading your blog every day. The key message in your blog today is….You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. So if you think that you can fix whatever is making you miserable by focusing on the external, you’re going to stay sad. Instead, take a deep breath and remember that you may not be in control of everything that happens to you, but you are always in control of how you react.
I learned this the hard way. Although, it was a hard lesson, it is something I won’t forget.
June 18, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Happy Birthday Gail and Kathleen! Enjoy your day
June 18, 2010 at 11:30 pm
Ahhh Gail once again you just hit home….perfect timing for a terrific blog
June 19, 2010 at 12:16 am
Happy, happy birthday, Gail—and thank you!!!!!
June 19, 2010 at 10:02 am
[...] Do You Know What You have? [...]
June 19, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Happy birthday Gail
I am also a morning runner. It started when I was little I loved Sunrises!! They always made me feel like I was new. When I got older I always got a wave of positive energy out of the morning stillness and the sun just coming up on the horizon. I now enjoy the mornings with my 2 danes as they run me in the morning while watching the sun come up and listen to the birds. I come home totally relaxed and ready for what ever the day brings. I live up north so now in the summer there is no real sunrise then from September to March sunrise is at like 10 but oh well. I still get to see it when I go walk on my coffe break LOL
June 19, 2010 at 3:47 pm
I honestly believe this and live by it – you are only as happy as you make up your mind to be.
June 19, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Happy Birthday Gail and many, many, many more that are even happier.
June 19, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Happy Belated Birthday Gail:
What can I say that already hasn’t been said, You are worth your weight in gold and so much more. I bought your book and watch TDDUP absolutely love it, my sister is reading it now and we have some pretty good discussions
Keep up the great work
June 20, 2010 at 2:27 pm
A book to go hand in hand with this blog post’s message would be A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.
July 2, 2010 at 5:48 am
[...] Gail Vaz-Oxlade asks Do You Know What You Have? This isn’t a post about how to tally up your belongings for insurance or net worth [...]