Embrace the New You
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
Change can be tough. Sometimes we don’t want to make the changes that will be “good for us” because it means giving up things that bring us pleasure. Like addicts, we want to continue partaking of the very thing that is destroying us. Sometimes others don’t want us to change. They refuse to see the new, focusing on and encouraging the old so they can keep us as they have become used to us.
If you are determined to remake your life, to live differently, to create a new reality, you have to be willing to embrace the new you and accept that as each day passes everything about you will change.
You know your body is always changing. Taste buds live only a few hours, white blood cells live about 10 days, muscle cells live about three months. It’s been estimated that we replace about 1% of ourselves every day. Wow! So 100 days from now… well, you get my drift.
So if your Body changes, why can’t your Self?
Why can’t you reinvent yourself to be a better at (fill in the blank). Just because you’ve always (fill in the blank) doesn’t mean you have to keep beating your head against that wall. Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you’re done with The Insanity of Debt (or whatever else is sucking the life energy out of you), it’s time to try something new.
Sometimes people who want to change think that change can begin on the outside. Dissatisfied with their lives, they head off to the mall to buy new clothes, botox their lines and liposuction their fat, rearrange their furniture, trade in their cars for something snappier. What they’re less willing to do is get to the root of their dissatisfaction.
If you know you want to change, or you even have an inkling that things could be different, perhaps the first step is to take an honest inventory of who you are. Think about your values. Talk about your aspirations and passions. Decide what you really, really want. Paint a picture of what YOU are. I’m not talking about your outside; I’m talking about what you want for your heart, your mind and your soul.
Very often people say they want one thing but actually want something completely different. Let’s take an example I run into all the time. You think about wanting a home of your own. Is it a house, a condo, a rented apartment? If you let other people paint this picture for you (your mom or dad tell you renting is a waste of money, but you really like the freedom to travel right now and a home would be an albatross around your neck), you’ll find yourself working at odds with what you say you want (which is really what your mom wants), and then giving yourself heck for not accomplishing what you say you want. But since it isn’t what YOU really, really want, you’ll never get there with the joy you would if it were actually YOUR picture.
Ditto the desire to be debt-free forever. You may say you want to be debt-free, but if you’re eating out three nights a week, and putting more on your credit card than you’re paying off each month, that’s not what you want. You want something else. And you better figure it out fast!
So do you really want to change? And have you figured out what you really, really want?
Sure change will be tough. But I believe we each have within us the strength and the determination to make our lives just what we want them to be. Sometimes we haven’t made the effort to clearly define just what that picture looks like. Then it’s easy to be distracted by instant gratification or the encouragement to stay on the same, self-destructive track. But if we really want to change, we can.
Know yourself. Know what you want. And then don’t take “no” for an answer. You are the master of your own fate, in control of your own destiny. If you don’t already believe that, maybe that’s where you want to start.
May 28, 2010 at 6:56 am
Knowing what you really want is the big question. To help me sometimes find my answer – is to imagine myself on my death bed, looking back over that particular situation. Then I ask myself did I have any regrets with the choices I made? If I have a regret, then I know I have to make a different choice – then make what I really want to happen – happen.
May 28, 2010 at 7:17 am
Doreen, I do the death bed thing too as well as asking myself how I want to feel rather than what I want to be. That helps me get to the root of why I want to change.
May 28, 2010 at 8:56 am
Gail, you are so right. I need to make changes in my life and I have already started but as you say change is hard. Everyday I put the change into affect and I always feel better at night knowing I did it. Thanks so much for your faith and encouragement in us.
May 28, 2010 at 9:27 am
Geez, it’s TGIF. I don’t wanna work (wahhhhhhhhhhhhh)
I think it is easy when there are larger issues going on in the background, to focus on satisfying the instant itch. It’s easier to reach, it’s not as deep-seated.
I would like to embrace the new me…. but it’s such an overhaul!
But a timely reminder, and appreciated.
I’ll keep taking it one day at a time, and work on making that day, about effecting some of the changes that I want to make on Kat 2.0
Have a great weekend all!
May 28, 2010 at 9:51 am
Don’t wanna work either, such a beautiful day.
Just did the death bed scenario. Nothing I didn’t know before popped up. I guess this means I really should get a move on and execute the PASS plan.
Good weekend everyone.
May 28, 2010 at 10:42 am
It is kind of like the bucket list. When I was on the internet dating sites I had to figure out what my interests were, many people put down that they like to bike, hike or kayak, but if you ask them when they last did those things they can’t think of the year, hmmmm… So I decided to list the things that I like to do, or want to do, and how many times. Like my kayaking, before the season started I decided that I wanted to do an overnight trip and at least get out 10 times during the summer. Then I had to book that trip (June 19th/20th). I have been out in the kayak on the river twice so far, but you have to make that decision because all the other chores still need to be done and it is easy to say that you don’t have time. You do have time, you just have to book it in. I AM IMPORTANT. I won’t get to the end of the summer and say “Gee I wish I had kept the house cleaner”.
May 28, 2010 at 11:06 am
I personally think one of the hardest aspects of real change is the desire for everything to happen instantly. Getting out of debt, like many other changes (losing weight comes to mind) takes time and is frustrating because it’s not instant! Gradual change can be the hardest thing of all, I believe.
May 28, 2010 at 11:51 am
Hmmm….. interesting post. Making real changes in our life is a long and difficult road. I mean, its easy to say you want to change, but actually doing the changes and being persistent is another deal.
Lisa: you really got me thinking. I say I love sewing, taking pics, but its been to long ago I haven’t done these things. Reading your respond got me thinking: I will put them in my agenda because theses activities are meaningful to me.
The death bed scenario also is a helper here for me for big life decision.
I really find useful for big decision to write up a list of pros ans cons on a specific decision and then reading it a couple of days or week later. It gives me a different perspective, a certain distance.
Finally, I found a way to not just dream of a life I want but actually take action. Last December, I wrote a list of 73 things I want to achieve in a 730 days time frame (2 years). Some things I wrote are small things, some are more time consuming. Its really helpful for me, I already achieve 10 things on my list. And to scratch them of my list when completed brings a sense of pride.
Happy weekend everyone!!
May 28, 2010 at 12:02 pm
My only caveat about the ‘deathbed’ scenario is there’s a ton of stuff I have to do, that I don’t think I’ll be glad I did when I die. IE Clean the bathtub. The same thing with the ‘live each day as if it were your last” – well then I definitely wouldn’t work a 12 hour day.. or even a 3 hour day if I knew today was it for me. I like the message that you have no fate but what you make (terminator) however.
May 28, 2010 at 12:48 pm
I know what I want to do! I want to embrace the Non-Mom side of me! I want to make time for me — even just a little break from doing dishes, from doing laundry, from changing diapers etc. I’m beginning to feel like I don’t enjoy being a mom because I feel tired and overworked. That’s not good at all!
May 28, 2010 at 2:12 pm
I know what I want to do, but it seems too scary and difficult to actually do it, so I haven’t. I’m working on getting up the nerve to do it though, and taking steps (very small ones) to build up my confidence to the point that I’ll someday be able to do it.
May 28, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I really needed to read this message today. Thanks, Gail!
May 28, 2010 at 3:36 pm
Instant gratification. You know you want it. We all want it. If you are making changes in your life/the way your life is unfolding then that change is of course very difficult and it seems a long bumpy road to travel to get to where you want to be. Who wants to wait? We are an impatient society. We want what we want and we want it now please. Heaven forbid that we allow others to tell us what we want as well.
Gail has rattled my cage. She has opened my eyes. She has shown me which fork in the road to take. Bless you! For the past 18 months I have grabbed our debt by the throat and haven’t let go. I am wrestling it to the ground. I will be the victor. I still do things, buy a few things, but not to the extent pre-18 months ago. Monday I’ll have us down to $9,000. in debt. Come August it will be $5,000. By November 30th I’ll be doing my happy dance (not pretty – I won’t be on Dancing With The Stars). I am counting the days folks, counting the days! Those that have preceded me to zero debt have spurred me on – thank you to all of you for that!
Have a great weekend!
May 28, 2010 at 4:16 pm
My inner lion is roaring to go again…… bucket list, going ballooning this summer with 9 friends…. my list is so diverse…. have to save up…
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May 28, 2010 at 5:59 pm
When you want to achieve something you need a reminder of every little steps you DID take towards that goal.
You want to lose weight? Everyday write down what good things you did towards that goal (walked one block, walked away from the donut store…).
You need a reminder of the little things you did do to highlight the fact that you are taking steps towards that goal. Buy little stars to put into you calendar if you like! Count the # of stars at the end of the week. There! You are doing it.
May 28, 2010 at 6:07 pm
This is the hardest sometimes Gail… but sometimes we have to make changes whether we like it or not. We had been doing great with paying off a very low limit credit card every week, and using the points for free dates, until it got compromised yesterday… after all the precautions are taken, cash is still best… it has taken this to finally convince my husband that cash is indeed the best way, and save before you spend.
By the way, I had it set up as a bill payment only, so we never were tempted to take cash advances or transfer money into other accounts, which more people should be aware of to help protect your money & credit. Thanks for the daily blog inspiration & necessary kicks in the pants
May 29, 2010 at 11:39 am
Regarding change, I am repeating my suggesting posted elsewhere:
“BTW, I wish Gail would revisit some of her client on that TV show of hers and do a follow up to see how her batting average is with couples staying in financial control of their lives. That would be an interesting show to do. Come on Gail, do it!”
Gail, let’s see how many of those folks actually embraced the change-of-course you set them on. Or did many just squander the $5000 gift and eventually sunk back into their stupid financial ways.
May 29, 2010 at 1:12 pm
@ Canuckguy — uh yeah Gail did that with 10 couples already. visit slice.ca to view them.
Also ease up on the smugness (“stupid financial ways”). Not every couple on the show is stupid, some just don’t know about money and some had some bad luck thrown their way and handled it badly. To err is human, right?
May 29, 2010 at 3:39 pm
change has always been so hard for me, but i am learning to love it now. it can be refreshing!
May 30, 2010 at 12:46 am
Yesterday I thought about which envelope (I didn’t have any jars and thought going out to buy them would be foolish) $3 for a inter-library loan book would come out of. I stood there thinking about $3.00 before handing over the money. I never, never would have even flinched about spending the money two weeks ago. My written budget, though, is a daily presence now. Three little dollars do matter…as does the fifty cents I spent on a soda from the vending machine at work on Friday (which I took from my grocery envelope). I set up my excel spreadsheets and am taking the first step toward financial liberation.
May 30, 2010 at 9:38 pm
@Geoff – Can’t ease up on the smugness because they seem so stupid about money. They might be smart in other ways but they are certainly stupid in a matter of great importance.
I make a point to watch her show twice a week(we get her on Global) and I never saw a follow-up show. I’ll check out that web site you suggested.
June 1, 2010 at 1:00 am
I don’t know why changing momentum is so tough. It’s kinda like exercise…you really don’t want to exercise but once you start, you realize it feels pretty good after all and wonder why you didn’t start sooner…a body in motion stays in motion….
Anyway, one of the things I’ve been trying to tackle for years and change about myself is my last minute meal planning. I love to cook, but hate to meal plan and shop. So over the past week I’ve been organizing my recipes and yesterday I finalized a list of seven recipes and made a master shopping list organized by grocery aisle. I did prep work and put things in the freezer so I can defrost it and make meals fast. I’m going to make a month of recipes and shopping lists to simplify the whole process, one week at a time.
If you are like me and don’t want to reinvent the wheel or take years to do this yourself like it took me, you can get my recipes and shopping list at: http://expertssayyoucandothis.typepad.com/experts-say-you-can-do-this/2010/05/experts-say-you-can-plan-meals-whats-for-dinner-heres-my-week-1-meal-plan.html
Or you can download my monthly meal planner at:
http://expertssayyoucandothis.typepad.com/experts-say-you-can-do-this/2010/05/experts-say-whats-for-dinner-heres-a-monthly-meal-planner.html
June 1, 2010 at 3:29 pm
And this is why I consider you one of my life coaches Gail…Ironically enough, if I actually had to use your services on a regular basis, I would be in debt, lol. Thank you for your free blog that helps so many of us and of course for your wonderful shows
)
June 3, 2010 at 2:21 pm
What good timing! My computer was in the hospital for a few weeks getting an overhaul, and I couldn’t get it out because — I left my debit card in the ATM at Superstore and it sucked it back in so no one else could get it! Since I had just been to the big city the day before, and had no cash/gas, I could not run off and get a replacement (PC financial), so had to wait for snail mail to bring me another one, after the long weekend of course. Ten days without cash/internet (for banking purposes/Gail updates) sure makes one think about changes they need to make. Like always having a little stash somewhere for emergencies. I debated actually using the jar system, but like the points and cheaper gas I get by using my card. Not having cash/card at hand sure made me rethink excess driving around, impulse purchases when out running errands (that I wasn’t running!), and so on. Fortunately, I did some sewing for a customer, so was not totally penniless, but it certainly made me think of what I had been doing, and how easy/painless it can be to NOT spend money. My big changes this summer are going to be a massive culling of excess stuff, and a huge garage sale is in the works. The clutter is like a ball and chain, and the benefits of the stuff is long since gone by the way side. Anyway, lots of reading/catching up to do, and a nice rainy day to do it.
June 3, 2010 at 2:22 pm
BTW, can’t remember how to make the font bigger on this site, my old eyes are having trouble reading the posts…..
June 3, 2010 at 7:24 pm
“..trouble reading the posts…..” – Suzanne
Just get reading glasses.
June 3, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Funny Canuckguy, I have bifocals, but the distance to the monitor is the only distance I don’t need them for! someone gave details when this site changed, just hoped they would do it again…