Shopping Mania
Posted by Gail | Filed under Smart Shopper, Take Control
Lotsnlotsa people love to shop. I’m okay with shopping, particularly when it’s for the kids. I’m not so hot on shopping for myself – particularly when it’s things like clothes – so I tend to bunch those shops in with the stuff I’m doing for the kids. The key to a satisfying shop is to be able to get it done in a reasonable amount of time; I hate having to spend gobs of time searching high and low and I despise trying stuff on. I get all hot and flustered, my arms flail, and I look like an idiot. And when whatever I’ve tried on doesn’t fit, I’m frustrated and the whole thing just goes into the dumper.
Back to the lotsnlotsa people who love to shop. They get a real thrill out of the hunt. They do it as entertainment. They buy because whatever catches their fancy is so appealing that they simply can’ resist.
So what’s a shopper-by-nature to do when their shopping becomes destructive?
Perhaps the single biggest step a shopping maniac can take is to recognize their mania:
- Can you ever go into a store without buying something?
- If you don’t buy something you really like, does it weigh on your mind until you go back and buy it?
- Do you find yourself with stuff you never use or wear?
- Do you think of your stuff as “collections”: purses, jeans, shoes, tools… you get my drift?
- Can you distinguish between a need (thing you must have to stay alive and safe) and a want (things you wouldn’t die without)?
Bombarded as we are with messages about stuff and how it will make our lives better, it’s not surprising that many people buy the propaganda. The reality, however, if far different. Stressed by rising levels of debt and the clutter with which we have filled our lives people aren’t happier. And the simplification movement that has people trying to be content with fewer possessions is picking up momentum.
Maybe it’s time to question our dependence on material possessions. Maybe it’s time to stop living out a role we perceive society has set for us and think for ourselves. The way we dress, the car we drive and the home we live in should not define us. Nor should they be substitutes for what we really want.
Of course figuring out what you really want would mean being willing to figure out what’s important to you, as opposed to simply going with the things you think you “should” do. And that might mean rethinking your commitments. If you’ve filled your life with activities and obligations – if you can’t sit still and just think for periods of time – you may be hiding. Rushing from one activity to another leaves you no time to think about how happy or unhappy you may be. It’s a little like rushing from one shopping expedition to the next: there’s no time to really think about needs and wants, and all the other things you could have if you stopped spending and piled up some money in the bank.
Accumulating money for the sake of having a big pile isn’t the “end”… it’s the “means” to the end… the way of giving yourself options so you can make the best choices for your life. If every red cent you make is spent lickety-split, how will you ever get off the treadmill of crisis and “need”?
No matter how well we plan, we can never predict what the future will bring. While you can’t control events, you can control how you deal with those events. Whether you lose your job, get sick, find a home you really want to buy, decide to have a baby, or hate your boss and decide to chuck the job, having money at hand means more freedom to enjoy the journey. Letting go of the need to control will give you more freedom to live in the moment.
Or you could go shopping.
April 22, 2010 at 7:07 am
Shopping used to be a hobby, something my family did for fun. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I saw it as a substitute for no needing to talk to each other, not going out and being active in a sport, not having to deal with the underlying tough issues within the relationships.
Once I started realizing it, my wanting to even go to a mall diminished and has all but disappeared. Now there isn’t enough time in the day, much less a weekend to do all the other things I’m excited about.
April 22, 2010 at 7:11 am
Gail,
Shopping was on my mind today too! Last night when I came home from my part-time job, I watched a couple of episodes of TDDUP on the PVR and then finished off the evening with Hoarders. In each episode, somebody had a shopping problem. Actually, in one case, the problem was a deeper mental illness.
Still, shopping had caused some significant hardship for some people. Hoarding is obviously an extreme example.
I love to shop. My weakness is things for the house. What I don’t like is shopping for something I can ill-afford. Thanks to you and your years of constant and sensible message, I have truly learned that I can have anything I want – so long as I can pay for it. That mantra, once you really GET IT, is liberating.
I often hear your voice telling people that obsessive shopping may be a substitute for something else that’s missing in their lives. I think that’s very true. It’s a form of entertainment for many. It’s a quick fix for some, like fast-food. It may feel good for a minute, but after that…the good feeling leaves and there’s a bigger price to pay.
Thanks Gail for keeping the message coming.
April 22, 2010 at 7:32 am
I actually have begun to hate shopping – for clothes, for shoes, for household items. Since I got rid of my debt, and decluttered my life (materially and spiritually) I’ve been far more aware that most of what is out there to buy is cheaply made, inferior quality, prone to breakdown, and all I am doing by buying the crap is just keeping some multibillionaire in a lifestyle I can only dream about, and probably exploiting some worker in some far off land.
So, I can now actually go for long periods of time without buying anything new. For gifts, I give quality time – lunches out, theatre tickets for my mom and me, events to take my nieces to. When I need clothes (which is not often anymore), I’ll go to consignment shops. I go to garage sales and get perfectly good household things, I attend auctions to try and get the adornments for the house – of course I go with a set price that I can’t go over, so sometimes I walk away empty handed but I have a great time bidding. I won’t buy shoes second hand so I do have to actually shop for those and it drives me crazy because I am going all over the place trying to find quality well-made shoes that will last a long time – and so that rules out cheap stuff made in china. Finally I found a place that sells Italian and Brazilian leather shoes – expensive, so I wait for an end of season sale and save my money.
My downfall is my garden, I’m always on the look for plants and interesting new things for the garden. But I’ll save for it during the winter.
Cutting the mall out of my routine hasn’t really saved me much money because I do end up spending more on the “time gifts” than I would on the “stuff” gifts. But it feels so much better.
April 22, 2010 at 7:57 am
I love shopping – shopping for groceries to make meals for my family, shopping for games to play with my kids, and shopping for thoughtful gifts for those I love. I take my kids shopping twice a year for summer and winter clothes. I have a budget for that trip, and with three kids, I somehow make it work. I don’t like shopping as much as I like window shopping, because even though something looks neat in the store doesn’t mean that it will look neat (or have a function) in my house. If I see something that I would really like, I make a note of it and spend some time trying find a use and a place in my house for it; if I can’t find one, it doesn’t get purchased.
Shopping has been on my mind the past few weeks, as my husband and I are house-hunting in a new city because of a promotion for him. That shopping is hard because we have certain criteria that we won’t give up (four bedrooms, play room for the kids) and there aren’t a lot of houses that offer that (at least in our price range). So while we are doing our house hunting, we’re also working on budget trimming to allow room for unknowns in a new city, and all other “fun” shopping is pushed aside until a house is found.
April 22, 2010 at 8:26 am
I must admit I love shopping. But I agree with Gail. I’m not so great at clothes shopping for myself. Trying things on is a big stressor. I hate when you bite the bullet, get into the dressing room with 6 items and then find you need a different size. If you can’t find a salesperson and have to get dressed to go back out there to get it, I just give up and walk away with nothing. I do enjoy shopping for clothes for my daughter who will turn into a princess if I’m not very careful so we talk a lot about needs and wants and choices.
I also enjoy window shopping and quite often go into stores I like (home stores, craft stores) and look around. Sometimes I pick something up but more often I just enjoy the afternoon.
I especially like shopping in other cities and countries to see what the selection is. I find grocery shopping in other countries very interesting.
In the past I have come home with purchases I regret or don’t really have a place for but I have made great improvements on that front so I am comfortable going into stores “just looking” with my daughter and she has learned that we often come out of stores without any purchases and that’s ok.
April 22, 2010 at 8:40 am
I practice Ninja shopping. Jump in Get what I want and get out before I’m noticed by anyone other then the cashier.
I hate just looking around. I like knowing ahead of time exactly what I’m looking for.
to avoid buying stuff I don’t need I just tend to try and avoid going into shops altogether.
I do sometimees end up with stuff I don’t need but that is more because of work sending stuff out to me for my job. I work for a cell phone company. I have 6 different phones in my work truck. it’s crazy. having stuff I don’t use tends to bug me alot so I try hard not to just buy stuff.
regards,
Jason
April 22, 2010 at 8:59 am
I do like grocery shopping. I pretty much dislike other types of shopping to an extent. I do like to go clothes shopping but 1) I have to have some money to GO shopping and 2) I have to have some sort of mission and get it done fast, I don’t like spending hours at a malls.
One place that I 80% of the time leave without buying anything are shoe stores. I hate shoe shopping with a passion. Between having ackward sized feet (I am a very decided 7.5. 7’s are too small and 8’s are too big), and being shocked about prices, I just don’t find it enjoyable.
I do like Ikea
April 22, 2010 at 8:59 am
I’m more a ghost shopper.
Do not like to go shopping for cloths so I do not go.
But when every cloths that I have do not fit anymore I go and by like crazy.
@Jason
It is really funny the Ninja shopper.
April 22, 2010 at 9:05 am
I’ve learned not to go “browsing” anymore as I would always come home with something. I don’t read flyers as they can be tempting with their special deals. Now I only go to the mall when I need a specific item. Also I never buy anything on credit. For every new item I do purchase I donate at least two comparable things to Goodwill or Value Village. It feels so much better not to have stuffed closets and overflowing cupboards.
April 22, 2010 at 9:25 am
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April 22, 2010 at 9:26 am
We don’t shop. We wear things out and if we need gifts, we make our own or find things that we could use but would rather give away. We only shop for groceries, but then we do it at a warehouse so that we buy enough for our family for a long time. We don’t shop for processed foods either.
Super disciplined… and *hoping* that the mortgage will be paid off in 3 years.
Austerity measures at our household!
April 22, 2010 at 9:59 am
For the past few years, my pattern of behaviour and self-indulgence was such that if I saw something I liked, I would buy it, regardless of cost.
But then I started improving my health, and looky there — mental health related to $ and ¢ followed. So I have been budgeting, but every once in awhile, the old Kat surfaces.
I went to the grocery store on the weekend, armed with two lists – one for Price Chopper and one for Loblaws. I stuck to the list at Price Chopper and spent under $40. Yay Kat! Then I went to Loblaws, and it all gets kind of blurry after that — I only had 3 items left on the list, so I deviated a little. $80. I’m sure my boyfriend must have put something in the cart…. It is still in the budget, but I was hoping to save on our food budget because…..
I bought a pair of glasses that aren’t in the budget. I knew I had to purchase them, and I could juggle a couple of things around and fit it in no problems.
Except, the old Kat went to Lenscrafters… who let her out??? She thought, no harm just looking at the Tiffany & Co frames — who knew they had started making frames? And there was a 30% off sale…. and I don’t buy because of names, but sometimes those expensive companies just make something that looks better!
Honestly, I do love them — they have a little bling factor which satisfies my inner 8 year old. Last night I picked them up and had them on — look in the mirror and yes! Love em…. and then a few minutes later…. yes! I love em… but the price!
LOL still a split personality right now….
But the old Kat picked up the frames and asked about the 30-day return policy they have….
So I have 30 days to make it work in the budget.
April 22, 2010 at 10:00 am
Shopping is the last thing on my list to do. I put it off till I just can’t manage without the “thing” that needs to be bought. My closets are pathetically empty, I have only a handful of shoes/boots. I have ONE purse that I’ve had for close to a decade. I wear the same 2 pairs of earings, alternating them every month or two for variety. I own no other jewelery aside from my wedding rings. I just really dislike shopping of any kind. And now that we’re on this tight budget, I see that while I’ve always hated shopping, I did it, because that’s what EVERYONE else was doing. I’m glad I learned to just do what’s right for me and not give another thought to what everyone else was doing!
April 22, 2010 at 10:20 am
My down fall was grocery shopping. I would easily spend up to $800 monthly for food, personal items & pet food, litter….3 persons, 1 dog & 1 cat
I looked at my budget & my overstocked cupboards and decided to get on board
I have now trimmed down my grocery budget to $500 per month and I actually have space in my freezer and cupboards.
I hate shopping for anything else.
Great post Gail.
April 22, 2010 at 10:34 am
It’s funny-in high school my friends and I would spend hours at the mall just wandering around. Now I can’t stand being at the mall for more than hour. I don’t shop for fun, I shop only when I need something, and even then, I put it off as long as I can, because I just don’t seem to have time for it.
April 22, 2010 at 10:44 am
I just read Confessions of a Shopaholic. Very funny!
I’ve been all the different types of shopper over the years. The problem with me is the ADHD sometimes takes over. Sometimes over the years I can’t help to buy 8 of something instead of just one or two. One of my friends has literally a closet full of shoes..some never worn. Over the last year I have really tried to stop the consumerism. I am trying to finish up all the things I bought and never used….from hair products to candles. I am not a hoarder but have hoarding tendencies. I heard a great idea a while ago about taking 5 things out of your house a day. I do that sometimes and other days it’s tons more. I am always amazed by the people in my life who are so meticulous about their homes, where things go etc…
April 22, 2010 at 10:45 am
I hate shopping. I do like grocery shopping, but I also read labels which drives the rest of the family nuts. I am learning to shop with a list and if any child comes with me I am learning that before we even get in the car to tell them (especially one) that I will not be buying any junk food. What has helped is that I am using the jars now faithfully and have taken the debit card out, so I’m actually paranoid about having to put something back because I don’t want to run out of money. The plus side is that I have given up pop and junk food for 3 weeks now and just that alone I have lost 10 pounds.
I really really really hate clothes shopping. I have no fashion sense and it is torture to go into a clothing store. I have taken my one daughter and she is pretty good with me and the comments she makes. I think it is the getting undressed in a tiny cubicle with mirrors around me that do it.
I finally noticed that if I was down or mad I would spend money in certain stores, books, fabric or craft, so I have been avoiding those. I have also been cleaning out my house and the one room I am doing right now is the sewing/craft/storage room. I really don’t need to buy anything to do for the next 20 years. I still have material from when Eaton’s was a 2-storey building in my little city and that was well over 20 years ago! I have finally taken hold of my weight problems and I have been wanting to do more “me” things, so get out my sewing machine and the 5 rubbermaid containers of material and here I go!
We are trying to teach our kids (a little late, but I guess it is never too late) that you can’t always get what you want (my husband loves to sing that to me as most of our consumer debt is me) and that you need to save money for things.
April 22, 2010 at 11:30 am
My biggest change here in the last year has been to Be Intentional. Clarify exactly what I want, and exactly how much I want to pay for it! If it doesn’t fit the bill, I am now willing to wait rather than settle for less.
For example – I’ve been looking for the “perfect” pair of brown leather dress boots (part of that includes the price) for a year and a half now! Last Saturday – saw the most beautiful pair at an end of season clearance sale. It feels good buying them knowing that I haven’t put out for a “good enough” pair to get me through and now trying to justify why I have two pairs…
Things like this have happened SO much once I started picturing what I want before I go out looking for something to tickle my fancy at that moment.
April 22, 2010 at 11:55 am
Yesterday my husband and I went shopping with the intention of getting him some new things for the coming months. He needed some new work clothes and shoes, as well as to get some spring/summer things. Before we left the house, we pulled out the bins that hold our spring/summer wear and we went through them. We made a pile to donate, and he was able to get a clear inventory of what he had, and what he needed. This allowed us to go shopping with a mental list. He got what he needed…dress pants, work shoes, a few t-shirts for the gym, a nice going-out spring shirt that is new. We went into the GAP and he tried on jeans (not on our list) that looked exactly like the ones he was wearing, and I said, what’s up with the jeans? Those ones you have don’t look much different than those new ones. He agreed and realized he was replacing them before he needed to. We moved on from that store and left the new jeans behind.
I also have a hard time shopping for myself, because I am picky and my weight tends to rise and fall in a ten pound range. I’d like to be ten pounds lighter. In any case, I went into a women’s store and tried on some dress pants at $39. Normally I never do this. I’d rather have one really well-made pair of pants at $120 then buy cheaply and have to replace over the year. The seaming along the outside of the leg was not sewn flat (the pants were sewn together all right but that little inch of fabric was left to twist and turn inside the pant any old way). So, the sides of the pants created a strange ‘ripple effect’. Of course, I left them because they were not awesome. That is sort of my benchmark when it comes to shopping. No matter what a ‘deal’ things are, if it does not look awesome, chances are it will not be used and worn as much. Same goes for shopping at Joe Fresh. They have great deals there! But if the clothes don’t fit great on me, no matter how low the price is, I just cannot do it.
So, my husband got a lot of great things and I left our day of shopping behind with one spring jacket, which I needed and was thankfully on sale. Today I am going through those spring bins organizing us for the next few months and perhaps I will find I have enough stuff to get me through the next two seasons alright. We are also thinking big picture and would rather buy a house in the coming years than own lots of ’stuff’.
April 22, 2010 at 11:56 am
@Jason – Ninja shopping! LOL. . .I actually got a vivid picture in mind when I read that!
My husband and I call it stealth shopping or “going in tactical”. . .
April 22, 2010 at 12:11 pm
I usually stack up my shopping tasks (want to get a few X from Canadian Tire, want a new Y from Best Buy, and I’m low on Z so I’ll go to Sears). Then I go to the mall every month or two and get everything at once.
April 22, 2010 at 12:23 pm
I’m like Jason, in and out as quickly as I can. This is where the internet has come in handy since I can do all my research online. I look for product reviews and the best price. Sometimes I can order online. At least I find the nearest store that carries what I want so I don’t have to pace up and down aisles looking for what I want. Other than getting what I need, I hate shopping.
April 22, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I admit I love shopping, but I hardly ever go any more because I’ve changed my priorities in life. I am working towards financial freedom and a large emergency fund, so now I only let myself shop a couple of times a year when I am on vacation. I love going into stores in other countries and seeing what different things they have, especially food stores.
April 22, 2010 at 1:50 pm
I am a bit of a ninja shopper too — the thing I do is walk around with my mp3 player — besides have fun music it is really easy to tone out what is happening around me (i.e. sale announcements, salespeople etc) and focus on what I need.
I also use the internet to scout out what I want ahead of time — I often try to order something for pick-up if I can, saves me shipping costs but I don’t have a need to search for what I want or get sucked into something different than what I need.
I personally don’t hate shopping but it isn’t a recreational activity either, just something that needs to be done so I might as well make the most of it.
April 22, 2010 at 3:25 pm
I love how there are so many more responses to this post by women than men!!
I love buying things for the house and my wardrobe. But after getting married and moving to the city centre, our space, (particularily my closet space) is limited. So we’ve got to be careful as to what we purchase. Everything has to serve a function. The great thing is that since we are purchasing less, we can spend more on really, really great items. So not only is everything useful but it it also something we can keep for years.
The best part is that shopping like this satisifies my love for art and good design much better than mindless shopping used to, and I still get a beautiful home and a great wardrobe!
April 22, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Tara, I hear you about shopping abroad! Besides seeing what’s in grocery stores, I like seeing foreign pharmacies, and the occasional hardware store, which can be good sources of different and often inexpensive souvenirs. At home I still do a lot of browsing, but it’s usually with a list at hand, and always with an eye to a resounding sale…
April 22, 2010 at 3:47 pm
I have Costco issues. I’ll admit it. I can’t walk out of that store without five extra things I wasn’t planning on buying. It’s crazy. They have no marketing and nothing is arranged attractively and yet I feel compelled to buy…in bulk. Suddenly the liter jar of garlic is too good of a deal to pass up. I need new underwear, a giant jar of jujubes and who doesn’t want another pair of yoga pants? Sigh! I have banned myself from Costco shopping alone. I now take my parents with me. They drive me nuts and it acts as incentive to end the shopping experience as quickly as possible.
April 22, 2010 at 4:14 pm
I haven’t a Costco card for that reason. I found each time I go that I spend around $200 since I never go with a only list but if I see something else I need into cart it goes. I only go when I need an item. I go three to four times a yr with Mom and something we do together.
I don’t mind shopping but sometimes I get in moods that I hate it. But I really enjoy it when I go with some else spending cash:):)
clothes is when we need it and to replace a worn out article. Other articles for house or maintence or whatever is look out for a sale. But for those things now is cash only!
Now hubby on board and now Im always saving up for a pricey item. It’s easier when both on board the train for ride:):):)
April 22, 2010 at 5:39 pm
I do enjoy shopping. I don’t live close to a mall though so I really only go clothes shopping about twice a year. I still have debt which helps remind me not to spend my money on stuff. I also have little closet space so that also encourages me to keep my wardrobe to a minimum
April 22, 2010 at 9:45 pm
I avoid stores to avoid impulse shopping.
The problem is on special holidays. Rare holidays mean that it is planned that small shopping will happen for souvenirs etc and then you see all neat, cur useless things and some are justified to buy…. can only buy so many… tough.
April 23, 2010 at 6:33 pm
I love shopping (clothes mostly) and my ultimate trick is do not go in stores. That way, I’m not tented to buy. I realize also that finding other activities to do and writing in my journal keeps me for wanting to go shopping because it keeps my mind clear.
April 23, 2010 at 6:34 pm
I wanted to write: keeps me from wanting to go shopping… sorry!
April 28, 2010 at 3:19 pm
I really don’t enjoy shopping at all, but have come to “tolerate” grocery shopping because I’ve recently starting cooking most of our meals, peruse the grocery store flyers, meal-plan for the week and make my grocery list the night before I head out to the store. Hubby and I are shocked that we used to spend on average $150/wk and still eat lots of take-out… now, an average weekly grocery run is about $105 and 1 take-out treat a week (like a $5 Little Caesar’s Pizza)
As for clothes, I’ve always hated shopping for them, and I have no problem whatsoever going into any store and walking out with nothing! We are not collectors of anything… both hubby and I are not “clutter-people” and pretty much everything in my closet and dresser are clothes worn on a regular basis.
June 17, 2010 at 5:02 pm
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