Serenity
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
In the hustle and bustle of our very fast-moving world, the idea of achieving some sense of peace – I like the word “serenity” – may feel like an impossible dream. Well I, like Don Quixote, am happy to tilt at windmills if it means slipping, even for a few minutes, into that warm and comfortable feeling that my life is just as I want it to be and I am at peace.
You likely have experienced a sense of serenity, but you may have let it slip by without really taking note. Remember that day you finally sat down, sipped that cup of tea and looked out at the sky, and sighed that long and luscious sigh? That was it. Remember heading off for a walk, glorying at the leaves’ changing colours, breathing in the crisp, cool air and thinking, “Man, life doesn’t get any better than this.” That was it too. And the last time your puppy crawled up onto your lap, circled until he found his spot, plopped down and then sighed, he had achieved serenity, and I bet you weren’t far behind him.
Some people know the value of serenity. The whole practice of yoga is based on not only stretching the body but also on quieting the mind. Take away all the weight-losing propaganda and yoga becomes a way to move slowly and purposefully, to think more clearly. Those who practice consistently use it to clear their minds and come to a place that is gentle and soothing.
You have to feel safe to feel serene. If you’re busy looking over your shoulder for the next dog that’s gonna bite you, you just can’t slip into the stream. I mean, who wants to savour the dread. NO-BODY! And so you have to find a way to slip away from whatever is terrorizing you, making you wince, keeping you vigilant so you can achieve serenity.
Some people find their serenity in prayer or meditation, some in long walks in quiet places. I like to paint. Whether you sit purposefully to focus on The Nothing or head off to quietly enjoy the discovery of a new patch of soft green moss, a common thread is Quiet. Let’s face it, if you’re walking along chatting your face off, you’re far less likely to notice that butterfly flittering by or the small flower blooming where no flower ought to be.
Serenity requires that you learn to be by yourself, quiet, alone. So many people fear the loneliness they may feel that they pack every minute of every day full of action. We often teach our children to fill every minute with movement. Getting stuff done has gained prominence over Just Being. And it’s too bad because in filling up our lives we are leaving no room for serenity.
As I write, I am wondering at all the beautiful colours of green I am surrounded by. I can hear the doves cooing, the crickets chirping. There is the odd human sound, but it’s still very early and most bodies aren’t where I am, so the tranquility of this spot is holding. Yes, I’m sharing it with you, but only having experienced it for myself first. Call me selfish.
Think about the last time you savoured a sweet moment, felt the peace, connected with The Everything. How many of these moments do you allow yourself, create for yourself? How much serenity do you have in your life?
April 9, 2010 at 7:02 am
Being by the phone when my daughter reached out to call me from half-way across the country to say her roommate’s mother died. She called because she thought ‘what if this happened to my mom?!’ I was there for her. That for me is serenity.
April 9, 2010 at 7:26 am
What is the secret to happiness? One of them is to find joy in the simple things in life.
I like this quote: Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ~Lao Tzu
Have a wonderful weekend!
April 9, 2010 at 7:46 am
I had a chuckle as I read this. I too like to find serenity, but wow… is it difficult in suburbia sometimes when a lawncare company has decided to aerate multiple lawns in your neighbourhood at 7 am !
April 9, 2010 at 8:08 am
It may sound very odd…but I have had the most moments of serenity in the past two years since leaving my marriage and getting divorced. Don’t get me wrong it was a very stressful time for me and my children, but I somehow have gained a greater appreciation for life and serenity. The constant stress and drama of my marriage kept me completely drained and unfocused…it certainly interfered with my ability to feel gratitude.
I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I am enjoying the simple things…cooking a nice meal for my family, time alone, starting a vegetable garden…. life is very good and I am eternally grateful!!
April 9, 2010 at 8:28 am
For me it comes on Sunday evening when my husband goes to bed especially early (He could sleep 20 out of 24 hours a day!) and my son is in bed. The house is quiet and I trun down the lights and enjoy some *me* time.
I am blessed with living very close to the ocean in Nova Scotia. Getting to walk to the shore and watch the movement of the ocean and the seagulls fly around is so peaceful – especially when I can just sit or hike and not have to talk, not listen to my Ipod – simply listen to nature and take it all in. Oh how I miss those walks with my beloved Jack Russell… If I could only get my Springer to walk as well!
One morning last summer, I woke at 6am at my cottage-in-process. The beauty of the quiet, the fog, the sun rise, the thousands of dew-covered spider webs in the fields was amazing! I was filled with so much joy getting to explore at 6am with my camera and no distractions!
TGIF!!!! Serenity now!
April 9, 2010 at 8:31 am
Fabulous post today Gail, just what we all need going into a Friday at the end of a very busy,hectic, out of this world week. I was watching this older grandfather at my son’s basketball game yesterday and he was just chatting with the 13 year olds and laughing and just being a really kind, soft soul, and I thought to myself that he looks a bit like an odd duck sitting and talking with these young kids instead of being where the parents were simply observing the game, but he’s got it together, he’s got it figured out…laugh lots, talk, and make others feel good.
I smiled to myself with this and knew that this year was the year I was making for myself to “get it”. The peace that I’ve invited into my life these past couple of months from just stopping the forward thinking and being in the day has brought me a sense of calm I wish I could bottle and give away to family, friends, and others who are still chasing after tomorrows.
Carpe diem all…enjoy the wonderful day unfolding before your very eyes.
April 9, 2010 at 8:55 am
My serenity came this morning, wrapped in my husband’s arms. The children weren’t awake yet, and we were just together as one – it was awesome. It gave me what I’ve been lacking the last few weeks as we prepare to move to a different city.
April 9, 2010 at 9:07 am
Angela – your comment resonated with me. If you’re in an unhappy relationship, you can’t find that serenity. I’m glad you’re happy and peaceful now.
For me, I love time alone in the morning with a freshly brewed cup of coffee and just count my blessings. Getting covered with dirt in the garden also give me that sense of peace and creativity.
April 9, 2010 at 9:16 am
“Serenity now, insanity later” – Lloyd Braun (Seinfeld)
April 9, 2010 at 9:16 am
Serenity now…. insanity later.
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
g
April 9, 2010 at 9:23 am
My marriage also ended 2 years ago. Many people commented on how much happier I seemed on a daily basis. I wasn’t nearly as stressed about everything. I could finally breathe.
I find serenity sitting in my garden, sometimes my 80+ neighbour comes over and sits with me. We have cardinals, chickadees, nuthatches, and finches here, waiting for the hummingbirds to show up. Gardening is wonderful, but you need to occasionally just stop and “be”. That can be hard for people. I remember reading somewhere about the Italians having “doing nothing” perfected. That was the moment that I decided that my girls and I would try and have times in our day when we weren’t scheduled to do anything, we can sit and have ice cream cones together, or they can play hopscotch on the driveway.
Great post today.
April 9, 2010 at 9:36 am
when my five-year-old son gets ‘right up in my grill’ with his big brown eyes talking on and on and on and on about his Lego–THAT’S serenity. I’m not even always paying attention to what he says, but I’m absorbing. It’s awesome, and priceless.
April 9, 2010 at 10:01 am
@ Angela: I totally remember how when my 1st marriage broke up it was SO difficult because it was so quiet. It was totally a learning curve to appreciate the peacefulness.
I am looking right now at setting up a “non-vacation” for about a week. I don’t really want to take the time off work, but everything is so busy! Wondering what would happen if I cancelled every single thing outside of work – for a week. All those wonderful activities and coffee-dates that I enjoy so much…if I just spent one week staying home, making dinner, walking with my husband, doing laundry, etc. Would this help me with that sense of peace that I’m looking for?
thoughts?
April 9, 2010 at 10:11 am
Cindi – That sounds like a good plan. You won’t know whether it works until you try it. Maybe it will become a regular thing for you! Finding serenity in doing laundry? I don’t know about that!
I’m just kidding. I actually know exactly what you mean. I actually find a lot of solace in simple but useful tasks when I’m overwhelmed with other stuff. Go ahead and give yourself a vacation from “other stuff”. Let us know if it works. You may have started a trend!
April 9, 2010 at 10:23 am
Thanks Gail for the reminder on “serenity”. Serenity for me is taking my 5 year old dog to the off leash park and watching him run and sniff. He loves the outdoors and it gives me time to reflect on myself and observe the birds, sunshine and life.
Have a great weekend everyone!
April 9, 2010 at 10:34 am
I just had a great moment, I was feeding my daughter and she passed a little wind. I informed her of what had just transpired (I think it’ll help later with potty training. I could be wrong) by saying “toot”. She thought this was the funniest thing she’d ever heard and began a lovely belly laugh. I kept saying “toot” “toot” just to hear her laugh. When that stopped working I had to make toot noises with my tongue and then say “toot” again.
April 9, 2010 at 10:35 am
Cindi, I think it will work and be like a vacation and a good way to recharge.
April 9, 2010 at 10:43 am
Lovely imagery Gail. Enjoying the cold grey sky and a baby laughing this am. Your post brought instant serenity.
April 9, 2010 at 11:22 am
My serenity will be tomorrow. Me and honey’s first full day off in over two weeks, and even though we’ll be cleaning turtle cages and folding laundry and shredding mail, we’ll be together. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do but be with one another. Fantastic!
Now, if only my allergies cooperate with this plan…:D
April 9, 2010 at 11:25 am
Thanks for the reminder Gail and everyone.
My family is a tremendous source of stress for me – my sister is in the middle of a divorce with two kids and she’s not handling it well. Both my parents are in and out of hospitals and doctors offices and demand a lot of attention from me too. I’m single – never married and I thought the upside was supposed to be that at least I would only have to take care of myself – HAH!
I haven’t felt serene since before I can remember – but I think can get there. My doctor diagnosed me with the biggest Vitamin D deficiency she’s ever seen. Her solution – sunlight! As much as possible – and 5000 units a day until I get tested again. As it turns out – my mood has completely changed since then. I am calmer, more relaxed and generally happier – and the fact that I requested more work out of town (away from my family) probably helped. I think I’m going to try and schedule some serenity time this weekend – turn off the cell, disconnect the phone, put on the headphones and just sit still for an hour.
April 9, 2010 at 12:35 pm
I don’t really find serenity in the usual things (birds chirping etc) — but there are those rare moments, where you take a breathe and your entire body relaxes, and I do try to take a minute and appreciate the ability to breathe – which to me, is a signal that I am having a moment of serenity.
In the last week, I had these moments when:
1. My sister first arrived in the apartment, and told me a long-winded story with phrasing only she could use… and it was wonderful to see her and hear her in person.
2. On the last day of her visit, being happy in the moment of having had a week with family, and a co-worker working additional hours to make it so that I could see them before they went to the airport.
3. Finishing a felt ornament and loving the way it looks.
Serenity isn’t always in the relaxing moments, although watching waves is very peaceful, sometimes even in the hectic work / life moments, you can catch a moment that every cell in your body is happy/peaceful at the same time…
Have a great weekend all!
April 9, 2010 at 1:09 pm
One of the great disrupters to serenity is constant complaining.
According to my dictionary – To complain is to express discontent, displeasure, unhappiness or complaints (an expression of grievance or resentment).
We all do it and we all have the right to complain but when it becomes the same old, same old, day in, day out repetitious rant, whine or kvetch it can be very serious for the complainer and the poor saps that have to listen. It disrupts life and harmony and any chance for change.
I have great complaining skills and it took a long time for me to learn that complaining solves nothing. It just feeds the stress and anxiety. Either deal with the problem or let it go.
People who knew me in my frenetic youth don’t even recognize this serene new me. My sister tells everyone I have had a lobotomy. She is such a bit…never mind. I am not going there. Happy place. Happy place.
April 9, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Close your eyes. My serene place is my 58″ clawfoot tub. Almost 40 years ago when pregnant I was told to think of a place where I could completely relax and be serene. I apparently was to visit that place during labour – fool! Anyway, fast forward the almost 40 years and I am still doing that. No matter where I am. I can decrease my breathing, relax, close my eyes and pretend I’m soaking away. So you can imagine if I’m actually IN the tub. Very calming for me.
Love to hear the mourning doves, but, especially enjoy the sound of children’s laughter. Picking up my furbaby Cleo and her snuggling and cuddling into my neck purring is also calming.
I’m the type of person that enjoys my own company. I like time at home on my own to read, knit, bake, write a letter, catch a tv show – whatever.
Now, if I could just somehow turn my hubby into having a foot fetish….. having my feet rubbed gets the ultimate sigh from me.
April 9, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Right now, the moments of serenity are few, due to the stress of debt on a new-ish partnership, and work being unpredictable. But I find it when I am strolling through the internet, sipping on my coffee, and I come across s bit of information that will help us in our daily life, or puts my struggles in perspective. Also, when my SO go n our drives around the countryside. We just pick a direction and go, and our ‘car talks’ are some of the best conversations we have, since there is no distraction of chores, tv, projects, etc.
April 9, 2010 at 2:45 pm
This morning, cuddling with my puppies, drinking a hot fresh cup of tea, and listening to the birds chirping. I try to enjoy some quiet time like this every morning before I head off to work – it’s the best moment of the day!
April 9, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Such a lovely post, Gail. I’ve been writing on similar subjects the past couple of days.
I love seeking out quiet moments whenever I can, and since I now live in a quiet town and live alone, I have an abundance of solitude. Serenity is very important to me, and I get to create an environment that promotes that.
Serenity can come in many forms, though. Usually we think we have to race through the days, weeks and months until we can finally go away on vacation, and we’ll enjoy rest and serenity then. But it doesn’t haven’t to be so.
Sometimes I find moments of bliss just standing in an elevator. Or walking in the door to my apartment. Or in any number of mundane activities where I wake up and realize that I am Alive, and I am Free, and that those are two very good reasons to rejoice.
April 9, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Reading a lot of these posts actually made me sad as my life is not serene right now. I am normally able to find serenity in the little things but I have been too busy between work, children, home life and finances.
Maybe sad isn’t the correct word…. perhaps envious or a combination of the two.
It does make me want to have that feeling back and hopefully it will be soon. You don’t realize how stressed you are until someone points it out.
Again perfect timing Gail.
April 9, 2010 at 5:27 pm
I would find serenity in the garden, or looking up at the sky on a starry night, or hearing music that swells the heart to near bursting. A moment that stands out for me was 10 years ago. I was driving early one morning when suddenly the sky and water melded into this amazing mystical scene and the music playing on my car’s stereo system just happened to match it perfectly. I felt such complete peace and serenity and awe at the beauty of life. Three mornings later my mom died suddenly.
Gail’s blog today has made me confront the fact that I haven’t been able to access any deep degree of serenity since then. Yes, things changed suddenly and life has been very busy/stressful, but I think I’ve actually been avoiding serenity. I’ve just realized that ten years ago somehow that moment of pure serenity became totally linked in my mind to the sorrow that followed. I’m just not sure how I’m going to disconnect the two, nor if I even know how to stop and breathe and enjoy anymore as I’ve been on this constant merry-go-round of busy for so long now.
April 9, 2010 at 6:46 pm
I felt serene about my vegetable garden last weekend in the sun – I was starting to think about planting some early start lettuce and peas – right up until it snowed last night. grrr.
April 9, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Sipping my non-fat, extra-hot, no-water, cinnamon dolce tazo chai after the drivethrough at Starbucks in the morning on my way to work – coming over a hill and seeing the rockey mountains across the pacific ocean…all while playing a favorite uplifting song in the car…knowing that God is in control and all I have to do is TRUST. That’s my serenity
April 9, 2010 at 6:55 pm
I totally understand where Angela is coming from. Serenity is SO far from my life right now, between the stress of work and family life – being super-saturated with the demands of a young family while juggling some personal health issues along with the stress of having aging, ailing parents. There’s just no time for me to sit back and find serenity.
April 9, 2010 at 7:23 pm
I find serenity after meeting up with old friends that I haven’t seen or heard from in 25 years, and becoming lost in the moment, going back in time to being a teenager, knowing that I’ve made good choices, and my friends are still my friends, despite the loss of time between then and now…
I find serenity at the campground during the week, when few people are around, and my kids and I go out for a walk or a bike ride, and stroll across the beach and gaze out over the lake, seeing the white water lilies, and hearing the loons and ducks, watching the fish jump, listening to the water lap at the shore… NOTHING compares to that feeling of being in nature.
April 9, 2010 at 9:26 pm
When I think of serenity I think of my Sunday mornings shared with the one soul who truly understands me to the core, my dog. My husband enjoys sleeping in later while the dog and I sneak downstairs for a cup of coffee and a snuggle. Depending on the weather we either sit on the deck or on the couch but the destination is the same…ultimate serenity. When the world seems to be crumbling around me these few stolen minutes each week allow me to stay centred.
April 9, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I have no problem finding serenity when everyone around me is healthy. Even when I am in the middle of a crazy work day, it does not affect me at all if my family is safe. I let it all just slide right off my back even in the middle of the vortex (which I often am).
But I can’t for the life of me find serenity when someone I love is suffering.
April 10, 2010 at 12:05 am
Unexpected snow day today left a big opportunity for family serenity. Tobogganning, hot chocolate, a movie, and lots of snuggles. Mmmmmm it just doesn’t get any better!!
April 10, 2010 at 4:39 am
I find my serenity brushing out my horse’s tail!! It is calming, she likes it, and it is just quiet ‘busy’ work that takes no thought at all. Or, sitting and de-shedding my Golden, another no-brainer bonding task that feels so good for both parties. Sunsets and sunrises, rainbows and newborn calves frolicking in the pasture are another cause to pause and marvel. If we don’t take the time to find that ’sigh’, our bodies will let us know that there is an overload of stress, and breakdown. I know that I certainly can’t afford not to ’sigh’ on a regular basis.
April 10, 2010 at 8:21 am
Spotting a beautiful Snowy Owl on our way to work.
Stopping and watching, taking in every single moment as it turned its head.
Thought about it all day and for a week.
Serenity
April 10, 2010 at 8:48 am
Watching my baby boy nurse, and then fall asleep… he has the most peaceful look. Pure serenity… *sigh*
April 10, 2010 at 10:41 am
@Brittany184: I can so relate to what you wrote. Watching my daughter nurse brings me calm and serenity. She loves the milk of mommy and I love to pause time and live in the present and just take the time to be with her. No tv, no distractions, just me and her. Lovely moment.
Being on mat leave really makes me appreciate simple things and life. Life goes slowly and I can savor more little things. My humor and moods are better, I’m less stress. I would love to be able to extend my mat leave for another school year (I’m a teacher) but it’s really impossible financially (it would implicate selling my car, having my boyfriend work getting a 2nd job and working looooooooooong hours to be able to pay the mortgage by himself), well I don’t think its worth the sacrifices. Because yes I would be able to stay home with our daughter but then I would hardly see my boyfriend and family life would be almost nonexistent. Choices, life is so made of choices!
Happy weekend everyone!
April 10, 2010 at 1:56 pm
Thank you for your blog Gail. It is on my homepage and helps me keep positive direction in my life. I’m a single parent with a difficult ex-husband; living in an expensive city away from my family; and recently laid off. The constant juggling of stressors is difficult but when we react from a stressfull place we don’t always make the best decisions. That is why I appreciate this post because we need to remember to be still, be calm, and take a breath to help keep on a proactive, positive path. I used to rage about people saying take care of yourself within all the stress (how on earth can you do that working 40 hours, commuting, taking care of a child, going through a divorce) but I realize now, you can’t get through it unless you do. I am now using the Covey prioritization prinicples to do “first things first” and although I do get frustrated at how long it takes for me to accomplish all I have to do, I realize that reducing stress and priorizing is the best plan forward. Thank you Gail for sharing yourself and your knowledge with us.
PS. My serentiy is snuggling with my son while he falls asleep, listening to lullabies, with the cat lying on us purring, very peaceful and makes me thankful that we are safe and happy.
April 12, 2010 at 1:12 pm
[...] week, Gail Vaz-Oxlade wrote a blog post on serenity. I love that Gail reflects on what’s important in life, and what brings us joy, in addition [...]