Who Are You Trying to Impress?
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
Will Rogers said, “People spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.”
I know part one of this statement is true. People seem determined to spend money they haven’t earned. That’s one of the reasons that our economy is in such a mess. The total national household debt in Canada reached an all-time high of $1.3 trillion in 2008. And according to the Certified General Accountants Association of Canada, 21% of Canadians say they can’t manage their debt. And despite the recent financial crisis, Canadians are continuing to spend more money that they make, ramping up our indebtedness and putting our futures at risk. Are we nuts?
Despite the downturn in the economy, outstanding balances on personal lines of credit grew to a new high of $181 billion in April of this year, up 20.4% from a year ago. And personal loans from banks were also up: 8.1% over last year for a total of $48.5 billion. Bank credit-card receivables, too, are up 8.9% to $51.5 billion. That’s a total of $281 BILLION in consumer debt!
Let’s move on to the next part of Will’s quote: “to buy things they don’t want.” This sounds counter-intuitive, right? I mean who would be crazy enough to lay down good money for stuff they didn’t want?
Good question. Here’s one backatcha: If you really want the car you just bought, then why do you want another one in a year or two? And if you really want those black shoes you had to have, why do you now want another pair of black shoes? Ditto that house you bought just a few years ago that’s just not cutting it anymore because it’s a little worn and just not big enough. It is as if as soon as we acquire something we want, we no longer want it. We want something else.
And our love-affair with consumption starts early. It has been estimated that by the age of six months, the average Canadian consumes the same amount of resources as a person in the developing world does in their entire lives. It doesn’t get any better as we get older. While North America has 8% of the world’s population, we manage to consume 33% of the world’s resources, and we produce 50% of the world’s non-organic garbage.
And then there’s part three of Will’s statement: “to impress people they don’t like.” This is the part I love the most.
If you’re trying to impress anyone you have to stop and ask yourself why. After all, if your children love you and you love them, that’s enough…no impressing necessary. And if you respect your boss and he respects you, that’s enough… no impressing necessary. And if you’ve got your best-friend’s back and she’s got yours, that’s enough… no impressing necessary. So if you’re trying to impress someone it may be because there’s no other basis for your relationship, in which case this could be a person you don’t, in fact, like.
Everything about our culture is focused on impressing. Martha Stewart built an entire industry on her ability to impress us with her remarkable talents. And all the Martha wannabes dutifully follow her lead in impressing others.
You know what impresses me? I’m impressed when I meet someone whose beauty shines from the inside out and who doesn’t much care what anybody else thinks because she’s happy dancing to her own music. I’m impressed when I watch a body give time and effort to help make another body happier. And I’m mightily impressed when I see people reaching out to each other in love and joy.
The next time you rush to clean up the house before someone arrives, think about whether or not you “have to put on make-up” or “a clean shirt”, or fix a meal to blow your SIL’s mind, ask yourself why it’s so darned important to impress.
If you’re spending money you have to buy things you really want, and don’t give a rat’s butt who is or isn’t impressed, I bet you’re a pretty happy camper. If you’re working overtime to impress, how happy are you with all that effort?
February 19, 2010 at 7:38 am
It is tough sometimes if you have friends with more money than you (or more debt) but you want to keep up. I am recently into the 30s club and it took me a while to realise that security and priorities were more important than one more pair of shoes or a ski trip.
Now I am feeling more comfortable with where I am in my life and my ability to turn down things I don’t need. However, I find that I have a few really good friends that I know are trying to “keep up” with me, even though they can’t afford it.
I am conscious of not suggesting expensive pass times as I feel bad when they can’t say no. Credit cards can be really bad.
February 19, 2010 at 7:50 am
Great post Gail! I really like the part about trying “to impress people they don’t like”. I learned this a long time ago to stop impressing others so I could just be comfortable with who I am and what I have.
If I’m going to impress anybody or anything it’s going to be my bank account so I can become one of the “Invisible Rich” as stated in one of your previous articles.
February 19, 2010 at 8:21 am
Love it.
Since I’ve recently found and started reading your website and blog I’ve been quoting “The biggest stumbling block to BEING wealthy is APPEARING wealthy” my hubby rolled his eyes at first – but you know, I think he’s getting it
February 19, 2010 at 8:52 am
There was a time when I spent money I hadn’t earned. I am much better now.
There was a time when I bought things I didn’t want. It was usually to appease someone else.
There was a time when I tried to impress people I didn’t like. A change in occupations helped put that to a stop.
These days, the only person I try to impress is myself.
February 19, 2010 at 8:58 am
What a great post. What you might have also mentioned is it’s really hard when you don’t care but that’s all your spouse thinks about. I remember looking for a house with my then-husband and him seeing nothing that was “good enough”. I’d seen quite a few. Then we drove past this huge monstrosity, 4000sq ft+ – and there were only two of us – and he said “That’s the one. That’s a house you could tell people you lived in”. After that, he would consider no other.
February 19, 2010 at 8:59 am
I have this quote in my daytimer and it makes me chuckle each time I read it. It also serves as a reminder for me should I ever get into the mood to do something that doesn’t serve my highest good.
My husband and I are strange as we don’t tell people what we have or what we are able to be do finance wise. That is the reason why I started a blog — I had no one to talk to about it and he was starting to get tired of listening to me go on and on about saving money, buying real estate etc.
Being anonymous and having found a great blogging community has been a great outlet for me.
February 19, 2010 at 9:28 am
As a child my mother would say “who are you trying to impress? Yourself?”. This was to remind us that no one cared what we bought and no one would be impressed by needless spending. However one day I remember buying a birthstone ring I had been saving for for a long time. When I showed her the ring she said “Who are you trying to impress? Yourself?” and I said “Yes, I bought it for me.” and she answered back “Good for you. You did a good job saving and getting a good ring. It looks great.”. I was stunned. I didn’t expect the answer but she was right. If I had bought the item to impress no one but for my own enjoyment with my own hard earned money then it was a good purchase. I was 8 years old then, and today I am 40something and I still have that ring and still remember the lesson.
February 19, 2010 at 9:37 am
Trying to appear wealthy might be a facade to appear secure. An EF would go a long way to covering that base. You may not be able to afford all the things you want (big shiny car, etc) but everyone in this country can afford a good night’s sleep. We are all capable, even though it may include sacrifice and suffering at first, to save up an emergency fund and then sleep like babies. Unless you have babies and they keep you up at night!
February 19, 2010 at 9:51 am
One of my very favourite quotes which this post reminds me of…
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr.Seuss.
Something for us all to live by!
February 19, 2010 at 10:17 am
I disagree with part of your post in that in the workplace, you don’t need to impress your boss. Unfortunately, you do. Respect isn’t always enough, people are judged by how they appear — does that mean you have to have gucci? no, but you do have to purchase and maintain a “quality” appearance at work. Should you go into debt for it? Maybe — depends when your salary review is scheduled for and how secure your job is. But we’re not talking large amounts of $. Instead, forgo going out to restaurants to pay for it, ask for a specific store that sells what you need at christmas/bday.
I’ve never tried to impress, don’t buy designer anything unless it happens to be on sale and even then, I’m not looking for the name, but a cheap sweater, shirt etc. but I’m definately have been guilty of being a little self-indulgent.
But actually, this post has made me feel alot better about the debt I have accrued in the past — in that I did do it all for me.
And now I’m getting tough on myself for me too….
February 19, 2010 at 10:36 am
I try very hard not to impress any one with the purchases I make. However that said I tend to spend more thne I should on things I want .. am I just trying to impress myself? should I be happier with whjat I already have?
regards,
Jason
February 19, 2010 at 10:39 am
I think that approaching 40 has given me reason to pause and ask myself this very question. Not only for money’s sake, but also for how we act around different people in different situations. I am hoping that my spending is getting under control, not because I need the best or latest and greatest of things, but because I’m an impulse shopper…my grocery bills are absolutely horrendous, and now that I’m mid-way through Feb and I’ve already blown my budget, I realize I have a problem.
But we spend so much time and effort impressing people that don’t really matter in our lives, bending to fit in, to “match” their ideologies and thoughts on life. My daughter has recently been bullied by 2 former friends, so now I’m trying to lead by example and teach her that their opinions don’t matter when she’s got a very long list of friends that love her just as she is. I have realized just how much I’ve needed to impress, to be liked, to not rock the boat with my thoughts and opinions. I’m taking this quote into my day today and beyond. It’s a keeper.
Great weekend all…speak your mind as long as it’s not infringing on others!
February 19, 2010 at 11:05 am
The next time you rush to clean up the house before someone arrives, think about whether or not you “have to put on make-up” or “a clean shirt”, or fix a meal to blow your SIL’s mind…
My sister travelled to Tansania last year and had the opportunity to meet a family that lived in a mud hut. She could tell that the woman of the household was upset at her husband as she didn’t have any prior notice that my sister and company were coming. The woman then proceeeded to rush around frantically tidying up her modest home, sweeping the dirt floor, changing her clothes and putting on some jewlery.
If a woman living in a mud hut finds this to be important than don’t you think that its human nature to want to put our best, that its a matter of personal pride? I don’t think that you have to put yourself in debt to do it; at the same time I don’t think we should discount human nature!
February 19, 2010 at 11:06 am
That phrase really sticks out to me. I live in a city with a really nice high-income boutique shopping area that I used to go to all the time with my friends before I had my son. Over the past two years, the area has become super-expensive, with the stores offering designer goods and services, instead of the really cool but not-super-expensive products it used to. I go there pretty often, as it’s close by, but it sometimes gets me caught up in very materialistic ideals, and suddenly I, too, want a $1000 Bugaboo stroller, a $500 Coach bag, and a $600 Burberry scarf, so that I, too, will get treated well by all the shop employees. Pretty stupid, huh? I usually catch myself pretty quickly (“You don’t need Gucci sunglasses! You don’t even need new sunglasses!”) and I’ve never actually bought something there I couldn’t afford, but even just getting those feelings is hard sometimes. I can’t afford a Bugaboo stroller, I don’t need or particularly want one, and I don’t even know the people who work behind the counters!
One day I actually went into a Coach store to look at purses, and it finally clicked that one purse equaled a month’s worth of groceries. Suddenly I didn’t want it anymore, and I haven’t had any feelings of discontent since, because I made the choice that I prefer to eat to having a designer purse I didn’t really want in the first place!
February 19, 2010 at 11:51 am
Cassandrasl:
“I, too, want a $1000 Bugaboo stroller, a $500 Coach bag, and a $600 Burberry scarf, so that I, too, will get treated well by all the shop employees.”
You can also remind yourself that BUYING respect is not the same as GAINING respect. Respect should be based on the person deep inside and not the pocketbook. Have fun eating!
Visitors:
I’ll admit that I want the place to be presentable when people drop by. That is not going to change. It is how I was brought up. But I don’t tend to invite people I don’t care about!
February 19, 2010 at 11:59 am
The only trouble I have is with cars, and not just any brand of cars, BMW’s. Im addicted to how they drive, and perform, and have taking them to a race track occasionally. For all the bimmersI owned, I never bought them new. This was definitely not too impress others, but myself. I had debt prior to these purchases, so therefore not using my brains, and using “other’s” money to get a “want”.
Im still struggling to this day because second sports cars are a passion I have. I love “owning” them, I love driving, them, I love maintaining them myself.
Two years ago. I sold my BMW toy (used 2002 M5 for the US) to help with the 25% down payment on our house. We have lived frugally since then, and made accelerated payments on the house. This has given us debt fatigue, as our HELOC balance has not budged for the last 2 years.
We have come to grips with ourselves just recently, and have cut our acc mortgage payments, just to ensure we have paid it off by my retirement (I bring in 2/3 of our family income). This will allow paying off our only debt (30K HELOC) within 3 years. The rest will go in our Planned Spending and Emergency Funds.
Believe or not, I still day-dream and “shop” on the net for the my ideal pre-owned BMW car. I have been doing that for the last two months, while watching our finances diligently, and struggling to remind myself this expensive hobby has go to go away, or at least I can put it off for a couple of years.
I have to stop this madness and stop impressing myself, at least until I become “consumer debt” free !!!
February 19, 2010 at 12:00 pm
@Marie: Exactly.
February 19, 2010 at 12:01 pm
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr.Seuss.
Carla what a great quote!!! Its to the point and exactly how things should be. Thanks for sharing.
February 19, 2010 at 12:06 pm
How does the saying go? The definition of happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you’ve got.
February 19, 2010 at 12:10 pm
How does the saying go? The definition of happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you’ve got.
Btw, really good work. Waiting for the next one!
February 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm
@Michelle..
I agree with you about tidying about before company comes over.. it’s taking pride in what you have and sometimes it’s about showing the person that you made an effort.. I like getting my house all ready for company and cooking and all the other stuff to show them that I am excited to have them and that I want them to feel special in my home… I appreciate it when I go to someones house and I can see that they made an extra effort for me.. because they wanted to do something nice for me..
that being said there are lot’s of times someone will just drop by for coffee and I have only felt the need to warn them to watch the toys when they step through the living room or check the toilet seat before you sit down cause I have boys in the house…
Guess it goes back to stepping back and checking the motivation for your action..
February 19, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Hey! Whats with the Martha jab… sheesh. I can’t say I live by her example to the letter, but her expertise at “impressing” people works wonders at going the extra mile to show you care for those whole really do matter. Taking pride in the simple things brings me exceptional joy, and is rather fulfilling too.
If you think buying expensive goodies gets you treated well, I always enjoyed going into Holt Renfrew with my richy rich girlfriends. As a college kid I was pretty rock ‘n roll [not your typical Prada shopper!] and I always got better service than they did…. for all they knew I was a rock star hahaha!
@DanielC Sports cars are tons of fun, thats why there’s more enthusiasts than owners! You won’t be alone in the stands at the track, wishin’ and hopin’ along with the rest of us
February 19, 2010 at 12:43 pm
I love the quotes!
I really don’t feel that I buy/spend to impress. I’m not a labels girl, but I like to look nice and feel good about my appearance. I feel I am reasonable with my spending on the items that make ME feel good. Thankfully, DH nor I have fallen into the “Keeping up with the Jones” mentality. Yes, we get green with envy sometimes, but then reality knocks.
When it comes to dinner parties – I love to entertain and put my culinary skills to good use! It makes ME feel good. Of course I love impressing my guests! But I don’t have to prepare expensive meals or something I can’t afford to do that ~ Plus I let them bring the booze! lol!
I like to have the house tidy before they arrive, again because it makes me feel good and I think its human nature as Christy said.
Anne, sounds like your mom is a wise lady!
Cassandrasl – that’s a lot of potatoes!
Michelle – *HUGS* – parenting is tough. Souns like you are doing a good job instilling values in your children.
February 19, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Well said Amy.
February 19, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Thank you for this! I am guilty of buying things and doing things to impress people that I either don’t like at all or just put up with. I’ve started changing the way I look at things.
I passed someone in the mall a few days ago that had a HUUUUGE Louis Vuitton bag and my first thought was, “Is there not better things you could spend your money on? Starving children, battered women, stray or sickly animals? Are you really that much more important?”
I like nicer things, but not to that extent.
February 19, 2010 at 1:12 pm
On a completely different topic from this blog, but not from what Gail says, check this out on credit cards. My husband found this for me because he knows I love reading about budget stuff.
Parental advisory: They do use the odd swear word but well placed so it’s funny.
http://www.cracked.com/funny-4179-credit-cards/
February 19, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I don’t think that I try to impress… but I do try to ‘take care’ – and now that I write that down, perhaps i want people to think that I’m good at taking care of things.
hmph.
I guess i do try to impress.
February 19, 2010 at 1:54 pm
It really brothers me what a consumption driven society we are here in North America as was mentioned in todays blog. We have no sense of living a simple life and re-using items. When I was visiting my grandparents in Austria it was amazing how differently they live! They re-use absolutely everything until it is broken and then they try to find a different use for it. They would set out one small small bag of garbage a week whereas in my neighborhood when I drive around on garbage day everyone has at least 2 or 3 gigantic bags to my taken to the landfill. Every since I have visited them I am become very aware of our “throw away” mentality that we have here. I also use less of everything now. Less shampoo and conditioner, less ingrediants in cooking, less laundry soap and fabric softener in the wash, less cleaning products, etc. I do this because I am concerned about our rate of consumption but it has also saved me a tonne of money in the process. We too are now down to one small small bag or garbage a week. My neighbors thought it was so unusual three of them have made comments to me about it.
In regards to trying to impress people … I do catch myself doing this. We are having a baby shower for my sister at my house in May and alot of out of town relatives (about 20) are going to making the trip for it that have never seen our new house. While we have finished the inside renovations since we bought it when it was foreclosed upon we decided to leave the exterior till this summer. So I caught myself making this huge list of everything I wanted to be completed before then. Then I wrote down beside each item how much everything cost. Before I know it my total was $1700.00!! We totally do not have the money for this right now as our wedding is in June and we are super broke because of it. So we decided that any money we recieve on our tax return would go to house improvements since we were planning on making them this summer anyways. I already know we are not going to be getting more than 1K so we will have to pick and choose what we want to do first. Then I was thinking that its not going to change peoples opinion about me whether or not we have the retaining wall in or a new sidewalk because ours is badly lopsided. “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” Perfect!
February 19, 2010 at 2:22 pm
@ Amy & Michelle
I’m in the same boat. I confess – I clean before my MIL visits. Not so much to impress her but to keep her from volunteering to do it herself because that’s what she does.
@ R
I also don’t think Martha is succesful just because she has a this great ability to impress us, I think part of her appeal is her ability to bring civility into everyday life in little ways. I often entertain using her ideas. They definitely get people talking and they cost much less than eating out!!
February 19, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Gail,
Your strength in the “old way” is shining through all the bling bling out there. At the end of the day you have how you lived your life to be proud of not what you have. You are so to the point and honest. I just love watching your show and reading your messages as it makes it ok for me to reject all the bling bling for the sake of it and focus on my family, my husband, my future hope and dreams. Which are about living and active life with the people I love and not ignoring them or risking it all so I can HAVE the latest trend. I have never met the jones so why do I need to keep up with them!!!!
February 19, 2010 at 2:41 pm
I agree with the human nature to want to make things nice for people but it goes too far. I mean I want my children to feel special for example I would make a nice dinner, rent a new release, make some popcorn turn the phone off!! Talk to them about the movie, discuss what they like or do not like really get to know them…..etc.
OR I could rent out the movie theatre invite 25 of their closest friends bring along some parents to keep me company and help with all these kids I have now invited and am about to pump full of pop and candy……..come home with a headache because little Jonny pucked it all up and I had to clean it and explain to his mother I didn’t know he never gets pop.
This did not happen to me but I know people that say OH yeah can’t just do that you have to make it special and special it bling bling.
AAHH NO! I can now say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
February 19, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I can relate to the husband and the house story. I have one too.
I make very good money and have a stable job. When I met my husband 15 years ago I had pretty good financial habits and didn’t owe any money. Within 3 months of dating him we went out and purchased matching sports cars (yeah…stupid I know!!). Well that was just the start of it. Then he didn’t like the cars, so we traded them. Then we started buying houses, etc, etc. He never believed in paying off debts.
Five years ago he gave up his job and I was the only income. I was pregnant with our second child and we had to move for me to keep my job. We looked at lots of houses, but none seemed good enough for him. I finally picked out a house in a nice neighborhood that had everythng we needed. He hated it, The day the movers showed up he said, “just bring everything into the new shithole”.
I have to say I was very hurt by this as I was trying to provide a good stable home for my family.
Long story short….we separated two years ago. I’m still living in the same house with my two sons and he is still unemployed, on social assistance and downgrading to a bachelor appartment. I guess this house wouldn’t look too bad to him now.
The point is that I spent 15 years trying to impress the person I was married to and all it got me was a divorce, a mountain of debt (which I am frantically trying to pay off with Gail’s help) and some really bad spending habits which I didn’t have to begin with.
Lessons are hard to learn sometimes and they can cost use our money, our dignity and our hearts. Gail’s keeping us or getting us on the right track!! God love her.
February 19, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Y’know what? I think the problem is that we are trying too hard to impress with the popular trappings, and trying NOT HARD ENOUGH to impress with what matters.
Are you playing dress-up to do a BETTER job being a kinder friend, a loving spouse, a more valuable employee and better neighbour, or are you dressing up to LOOK better and that’s it?
You eluded to it Gail, but didn’t quite pin it. I think aiming to impress is a valuable aspect of personal growth… it’s HOW we go about doing it that can be so misdirected through rampant consumerism. Our best way to truly impress those that matter is through your actions and deeds, not the latest fluff.
February 19, 2010 at 6:30 pm
You have all hit the nail on the head. I find that I don’t feel I need or want anything until I go into the darn stores! Then you see that bag, or those shoes or that dress etc. How easily we can convince ourselves that they are “must haves” and so-and-so would think I look great in this. I have had to train myself not to shop anymore unless I truly am in need. Looking at my bulging closet, I don’t think that will be anytime soon! I am following Gail’s lead and have declared a no-shopping habit. It is really helping with the bottom line.
February 19, 2010 at 6:46 pm
This post would make a great plaque to hang in the kitchen where a person could see it daily! I’d love to read the confidence level of 0% – 100% of the people in debt(impressing others) compared to the confidence level % of those who don’t impress people deliberately.
My favorite post so far!
February 19, 2010 at 7:57 pm
Nice post Gail (again)!
I recently finished reading Colin Bevan’s book No Impact Man (got it from the library). Though most people would not take some of the extreme measures he took to reduce their impact on the environment it offered a valuable lesson in not worrying about what others think of you. He and his family spent a whole year without shopping – now imagine that!
February 19, 2010 at 9:47 pm
Angela, I’m sorry to hear your marriage went the way it did.
I bet you feel a lot ‘lighter’ now… All the best to you and your sons. Sounds like you are heading in the right direction now.
February 19, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Great post! It reminds me of “The Story of Stuff”, Gail you would looove it and the tree-hugger in me loves it even more. It is a web video and the best 20 minutes I’ve spent online (just google it), present company excepted of course!!
February 19, 2010 at 11:54 pm
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February 20, 2010 at 2:36 pm
The house one is hard for me. I live in a 3 bdrm townhome with 3 small boys, and a dog. (and a husband
) I feel like we need to move up…not to impress anyone, but to give me a little more sanity. Gail continually talks about living modestly, and not buying a big house…the house that I am talking about is between 300 – 400K and 2000sq ft. Is this not a modest house? What would be modest? I am just trying to make the right decisions and while living in 1200sq ft is cheaper it will make us insane.
Thoughts?
February 20, 2010 at 4:12 pm
When I make a purchase, the item, or event, has to speak to me. It has to fall in lines with the things that I believe in. By making conscious decisions about how I choose to spend my money, I have more money to save, and I am leading a happier and healthier lifestyle. If I had more money, I don’t think that I would be making the choices to make me happy, but making choices to have what ‘everyone else’ has… at times I feel much richer than those around me with much higher incomes.
When I go into the stores, I often don’t come out with anything, and I am feeling dissatisfied … then I realize I only went shopping because “everyone else” was talking at work about the latest fashions, etc… not because I truly needed anything, and I go home and spend time with my kids and husband playing board games or spending time outside, and that sense of dissatisfaction goes quickly away:)
February 20, 2010 at 4:51 pm
When my hubby & I were first engaged, we were debating about the wedding things . . . and needing to figure out the expenses that went with it. During that time, my car needed new brakes that I felt I couldn’t afford for another couple of weeks. That’s when it hit me, if I can’t afford something rather necessary for my safety (car brake repairs), then what am I doing planning a wedding of any size? And who am I trying to impress? Once I figured out that all that was needed was my hubby, me and the JP, the rest fell into place. Parents still wanted to be there of course. So at the “last minute”, we decided a backyard wedding with a JP (no minister/church) in two weeks from that decision. That meant family had 13 days notice. Honestly, it was perfect. Our immediate families were able to join us despite the short notice, a summer gown found for under $150 was my dress, the back yard was starting to bloom, just added a few balloons and extra blossoms (planters are well discounted by end of June anyway), we had a few bottles of homemade wine and away we went. For less than $1100, we are happily married, fed our families at a small quiet inexpensive restaurant for less than $14/person and enjoyed a wonderful afternoon. Not much time to fret over things in such a short time anyway.
We’ve done our level best to keep this perspective. Why do we need/want a big ticket item? What about our current item no longer serves our needs? Sometimes we slip up and buy stuff anyway, but I keep trying to remind myself & hubby that what we deserve is debt reduce and debt free, not more stuff.
February 20, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Alisha:
One important question is whether your budget can accomodate a bigger house. Don’t forget higher taxes and utilities (especially heating since you are in a townhome). Don’t forget all the little things you might purchase for maintenance or because you think you have the room (and possibly bigger outdoors). The cost of moving…
2000 sq ft is a big house. Make good use of the outdoors. Make good use of the indoor space. If there is clutter, time to clean up and prioritize what needs to be in the house. Reorganizing the different rooms might help. I would re-evaluate the use of the current home first because it is cheap.
Good luck!
(I know people who grew up in < 1000 sq ft home with more kids than that… but times change.)
February 20, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Thank you Lisa S. for sharing the link to the story of stuff. I watched it today and really it got me thinking of our desire to always possess more and mostly the junk it brings along and the pollution associated to it. I will be sharing this video with others.
February 20, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Alisha,
I was in the same boat as you – living in a 3 br 1400 sq ft townhouse with 3 small children plus a stepchild. The 2 boys shared a 9×8 room, the 2 girls shared a 9×10 room. The closets were puny and overloaded, in fact one of the girls’ dressers was actually in the closet due to lack of room space.
We moved – to a $300,000-ish 4 br home (2400 sq ft) and we are significantly more comfortable. We didn’t move to be showy – we moved to enhance our space, and it was worth it. Our mortgage went from $130,000 to $240,000 to accommodate our new house price.
We will be all set here for the long term… in retirement we can decide if we want to downsize but for now we really enjoy our home and do not resent the higher mortgage.
Do what you feel is right for you. It might not be right for everyone, but in the end, it is YOU that must be happy in your home. Good luck with your decision.
February 20, 2010 at 9:45 pm
After Christmas this year I decided enough was enough. I was sick of all the garbage that is left over and the toys. This year I have adopted a buy nothing new from stores…that means Salvation Army, Value Village, garage sales and usedottawa.com is where I and our children are making all of our purchases. My husband is not too thrilled with the idea but he is trying to make more concious decisions. I even told the inlaws that we are not accepting brand new gifts and a letter will be sent home with the birthday party invitations.
Alisha: We have a 1200 square foot home including the finished basement. I had 8 children in my house between 0-12 for daycare and there was more than enough room. It pays to layout playrooms properly with lots of different areas, bedrooms are for sleeping only (no toys just books) and a living room with only 1 basket of toys, but lots of board games hidden in the coffee table. Keep clearing out clutter and your house will feel huge. Plus, like another post- use the outdoors..encourage your children to play outside till dinner with you (crockpots meals so dinner’s ready when you are:) I was at a monster home today and couldn’t imagine trying to clean it and/or the price of a cleaning complany, and wondering how they could justify payin utility bills for rooms that they don’t even use. Good luck!
February 21, 2010 at 8:39 am
Alisha – we moved from an 1100 sq ft house to a 1750 sq ft house after my first daughter was born. We did this because we had an opportunity to buy my in-laws place right near a public school, on a quiet street, and with a big yard. We would have gone bigger than 1100 without the great opportunity though. Now 2 kids, a dog and cat later, I find it’s a great amount of space. Although organization and lack of clutter is key, so is layout. Nowadays most people I know with kids live in a bigger house than me, but my layout provides more usable living space than they have. Every room at our house has a function and is used fully, and so I feel we have all the space we’ll ever need. You will need to do what’s best for your family (and if it were me in your situation, and I could manage well financially, I would likely move!!). Look at the cost first, and then all the others variables and see what you think (sometimes a pro/con list is good for this) – good luck!
February 21, 2010 at 10:48 am
This topic is timely for me. Our neighbours (one of them anyway) is fed up with their small house. Of course, it is identical to ours, actually a bit bigger. I had decided that we needed to renovate and add a 2 storey addition. I know that seems crazy if you live in a small town, but in our city we couldn’t afford a larger house in our area. But who am I trying to impress? I don’t mind if our children share a room. I do mind that our house is a bit dumpy, but some paint and IKEA furniture would go a long way to solving that. Something for me to think about.
February 21, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Gail I want to thank you. My spouse and I picked up your book last week and it has already had a wonderful effect on our spending, our outlook and our stress levels. Putting money into a jar that we both have to account for seems like common sense, but it just wasn’t common knowledge to us. We’ve laid out a plan to get our interest rates down, pay off our debt, and put aside some rainy day, and emergency money… things we relied on credit for in the past. Your no nonsense approach is just what we needed… tough love. Best $20 I have ever spent.
February 21, 2010 at 9:59 pm
For those people who feel they need a larger home, come to Hong Kong and see multi-generational families living in 400 sq ft places. One friend shared a small bedroom with her sickly grandmother throughout her childhood and her parents bedded down in the living area (hardly a room). There is always a way to manage if you have to.
On Gail’s quote, I am reminded of an article I read in which the author said that many people buy items to display in their home in order to meet the expectations of their guests; not necessarily for their own enjoyment. Interesting.
February 22, 2010 at 9:19 am
Alisha, I don’t want to assume that you have too much ’stuff’ or that your home is cluttered. I have a 1100sq ft house for 3 of us. If I had 3 children, I might want a larger space too. Do you have basement area that can be developed?
If it ‘feels’ too small, maybe a professional organizer might be able to offer some suggestions on re-configuring the spaces to work better for your family.
Sometimes a different set of eyes can be very beneficial – plus it might just do the trick and save you a bundle of long-term cash!
I hope that helps!
February 22, 2010 at 12:16 pm
I heard the Will Rogers quote about 2 months ago from Deepak Chopra during an interview about the credit crisis in the U.S. and later used it in a comment for an online article on the thestar.com. Interesting how fast some quotes and sayings make their way around, especially with the internet.
February 22, 2010 at 4:53 pm
You wrote this post directly for my sister, didn’t you? You were specifically thinking of her when you wrote it! LOL I have been trying to teach her for years about budgeting. I print the sheets, hand them over and sigh as she rolls her eyes. She has recently gotten married and has blown through over $60,000 of her new husband’s savings in less than 2 years. SHE NEEDS YOU! I’ll keep printing! I love this website! Thank-you for all you do, it is a true blessing to my family.
February 22, 2010 at 6:43 pm
Lovely. I have lately wondered if there is ever a call for indebtedness.
It is certainly a difficult point to sell in this part of the world, where property values in residential districts far exceed most people’s liquidity, however. What would you say to a young family who has moved across the country for the sake of employment but haven’t the assets (sans financing) to buy property in a neighbourhood where they won’t be outnumbered by unsavoury sorts?
February 22, 2010 at 10:32 pm
I just returned from my first granddaughter’s first birthday. Didn’t impress anybody as I showed up on the bus (I hate winter driving), with my latest reading material to keep me occupied (10 hours up, 8 hours to come home) – Gail’s newest book. It did get my son asking questions (a good thing) and while visiting, I went to the local $ store to get my notebook for keeping my list of planned spending items. The slogan on the notebook is “To have more, desire less” which is now my new mantra. And even tho I am working one full time and one part time job to reach my goals, I still have co-workers who think I should go out more, dress different, or drive a newer vehicle, since I make ’so much money”. I don’t even bother trying to explain my motives for the two jobs, specifically to become debt free ASAP. Those who have to impress people they don’t like are most likely compensating for something missing in their lives, which is sad…. BTW, enjoyed the book, but was surprised that something like the HDI directions did not make the index and was a little hard to find when I wanted to refresh how to calculate it.
February 23, 2010 at 1:15 am
Hi there. I’m fairly new to this site. I’m loving the community here, so I want to contribute to everyone this article I read that really changed my life financially. Last week I got a check for $900! Really, no joke, I thought I couldn’t do it myself, but I did. And it really helped me out my family financially because i’m a stay at home mom.hopefully it works out for you too. Good luck and God bless!
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jacky
February 23, 2010 at 12:19 pm
It is not only through conspicuous consumption that we try and impress, but also by the number of activities our children attend. A regular team just isn’t good enough, but it must be a Rep. team, or a competitive dance class. No child can just join something for fun and recreation. Nor can their parents… one must be in a run club or train for a marathon, etc. It seems everything we do in life must now be ramped up to Extreme or it is deemed unworthy of the effort.
All the competition exhausts me.
February 23, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Wow! A lot of you have said everything that has come to my mind while I was reading the blog…My husband struggles with trying to impress others but thanks to Gail’s book and my constant reminder that we don’t need to keep up with the Jones’…who the F are the Jones’ anyways? We live in a condo that is the perfect size for the three of us (we have a little dog) and we have spent money decorating it yes, but to our needs/wants and style…yes we have a dining table that we hardly use, but it does get used, although we joke that it makes a really nice candle stand for most of the year, lol…but we bought it cash! My husband is very good that way. I have to admit that I like my credit card, but thanks to Gail and my husband I don’t carry balance it on it for more than a couple of months…I am working on it Gail, lol.
Anyhoo…as much as I love reading the blog, I also LOVE reading everyone’s comments…we are like a little financial club!!
February 23, 2010 at 7:29 pm
My coworkers were discussing their children’s bday parties the other morning, in particular, the CAKE. One was showing another on-line the cake that she had for her son’s birthday. It was a 3 tiered hockey cake (a la wedding style). When I asked how much she spent on this beautiful cake for her 3 year old son, I was speechless. More than $150! Seeing the look on my face, she quickly explained how it was something “she” wanted, and if she wanted to indulge that was her choice. I said I agree’d, as long as she knew who she was REALLY trying to please. She said, “Oh no, my son enjoyed it just as much as I did. He LOVED the decorations.” I mean, really, what kid wouldn’t love ANY cake? And, really, how hard would it be to decorate a hockey puck and stick on it anyway?
Believe me, nothing ever tasted so good!
Oh well, the best cake that I ever had was last Friday night when I came home. My husband, who was off all day, made a chocolate cake, and even spread some icing on it. Yes, it all came out of a box, but he put the effort into it. And he said that his cake’s cost, well, it was only $3.00
February 24, 2010 at 10:42 am
Hildebrand, have you considered renting? Why must you purchase property if you can’t afford it? Depending on where you have moved to, there may be houses that you can rent, or a large apartment. My boyfriend’s family (4 other people) all live in an apartment (their living room is probably the size of our entire 1 bedroom apartment).
There’s nothing shameful in renting while you grow your savings. Besides, renting gives you a bit more of a chance to explore where you want to live in the new city before actually putting roots down! (And if it’s a temporary move, you won’t need to worry about all the costs of selling a home within a short period of time).
In the end though, if you have no other debt, and can afford the payments without incurring other debt, then it’s up to you to determine if that is a priority in your life.
February 26, 2010 at 2:27 am
[...] Vaz-Oxlade asks, Who are you trying to Impress? and my answer is, no one really. I gave up trying to impress folks once my age passed my waste [...]
February 27, 2010 at 10:47 am
I agree with most of what Gail has said in this article, but not the part about cleaning up the house and tidying oneself for visitors. This has nothing to do with trying to impress anyone, it’s a matter of respect for the visitors. When I make my home a little cleaner and more inviting for guests, it shows that I take pride in myself and my surroundings, and that I respect my guests enough to offer them my best. I can’t always have a spotless home due to other responsibilities, but I CAN put in the little extra effort to welcome someone in to my home.
February 28, 2010 at 9:58 am
I agree with you Linda, the same reason you try and make a nice dinner or dessert if people are visiting.