What’s Your Bounce-back Factor?
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
When I was but a young lass, my girlfriend Sharon taught me The Golden Rule. Yes, I know, there seem to be about 100 Golden Rules. Hey, life’s complicated. The Golden Rule Sharon taught me was “Get Back Up!”
Anyone else remember what a Shmoo is? It’s a fictional cartoon creature created by Al Capp. When I was a kid, it was turned into an inflatable clown with sand in the bottom. When you punched the Shmoo in the face it flattened to the floor and then it bounced right back. I turned Sharon’s “Get Back Up!” into “Make like a Shmoo and bounce back.” And I’ve lived my life by this Golden Rule.
Psychologist will tell you that the higher your self-esteem, the better equipped you are to bounce back from the challenges and adversities life throws your way. And the more likely you are to find happiness. If you don’t have the courage to take a deep breath, pull yourself up by your boot straps and get moving, it may be that your self-esteem isn’t all it needs to be.
Self-esteem is a concept thrown around a lot in the world of psychology. It refers to the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself. It’s how you see yourself. Your sense of pride. Your self-respect. Your self-worth. And it has a huge impact on how you relate to the world.
According to thems-that-knows, people with low self-esteem tend to become easily addicted to alcohol, drugs, food, gambling or shopping. They sabotage their own efforts to be successful. And they tend to be unwilling to take risks.
Now, I’m not a big risk-taker, and there’s not much wrong with my self-esteem, so don’t over-generalize. But if you find that when life punches you in the face you just can’t summon up the energy or the courage to Get Up! then you may have a self-esteem problem.
If you want to find out where the problem comes from, you’ll likely have to work with a professional counselor to dig up the bones of your self-esteem issues. And some issues run so deep that you may need help sorting out your feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
But if your problem isn’t chronic, then maybe a little list-making is all you’ll need to get a handle on how you feel about yourself. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down everything you like about yourself. Then write down everything you don’t like. Which list is longer?
Since negative thoughts often dipsydoodle through our brains without us really noticing them, you may have to make a particular effort to catch yourself when you’re giving yourself heck. Look for what’s triggering your negativity. If it isn’t something you’d say to a friend, why is it okay to say it to yourself?
One of the most effective ways of counteracting negative self-esteem is to get involved in organizations that help others. Nothing makes a person feel better about themselves than doing something self-less. Keeping busy doesn’t hurt either since a big contributor to negative feelings is simply having too much time to think about your own problems.
The media plays a big part in contributing to negative self-esteem. All those thin, beautiful, rich and successful people profiled constantly have a way of showing up our flaws and shortcomings. Hey, if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Turn off the TV. Quit buying the fashion magazines. Stay in your world where people are real and everyone has zits and wrinkles.
Self-help books abound, and lots of ‘em focus on how to build your self-esteem. Hit the library. Make sure whatever book you choose isn’t just about what a pathetic loser you are but has actionable steps you can take. Over time, as you learn about yourself, as you learn to manage your self-esteem up, you’ll also increase your ability to bounce back, which will further contribute to your new self-esteem.
February 12, 2010 at 8:49 am
Wow another great Post!
It is so true that we all need to bouce back like Shmoo! It certainly gives me some food for thought.
Thanks Gail
February 12, 2010 at 9:00 am
“So long insecurity… You’ve been a bad friend to us” by Beth Moore
February 12, 2010 at 9:08 am
Gosh, it has taken me years to get to the point where I can turns most things (mentally, emotionally) around within the day. It has required that I learn to dump the nasty people, places and things that wasn’t serving me — not always easy to do!
February 12, 2010 at 9:35 am
Very inspiring once again.
Gail, I wonder where you get all your inspirations to write you daily blog subject….???
February 12, 2010 at 9:37 am
In one of the courses I teach, I talk about self-esteem and how important it is in relation to all other aspects in life. I really like how you ask to write down everything you like about yourself, then to write down everything you don’t like, and then compare the two… I think this could make for an interesting activity and promote self-reflection.
Thank you for the post!
February 12, 2010 at 9:38 am
I’m loving the image of the clown that bounces back up-I may borrow that sometime. Thanks Gail!
February 12, 2010 at 9:59 am
I have had infertility, cancer and divorce all within a 5 year window, and still I consider myself an optimistic and valuable member of society. I think after any big life changing event there is also value in taking a step back and understanding what you have learned from the experinence instead of moving forward doing the same old, same old.
February 12, 2010 at 10:06 am
For myself getting up goes beyond just self-esteem, it’s a matter of having a vision and seeing my purpose in life. Stephen Covey says to “begin with the end in mind,” that said, you will only stay down if you see your end as staying down.
If you’ve never read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I strongly recommend it as it truly gives you a different perspective when it comes to living life and interacting with other people.
Enjoy the long weekend
February 12, 2010 at 10:08 am
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt.
This is my bounce-back mantra when people are nasty to me or in my general viscinity. If I have low self-esteem I’ll listen to them and believe them, thereby giving my consent to feeling inferior.
I was raised in the “you are responsible for everything that happens to you” school of thought. It was in the extreme end so I believed that if anything bad happened it was obviously something I did wrong. A lot of self-beating up happened over that. But now I’m an adult and learning that somethings go wrong through absolutely no fault of my own and it’s my upbringing that gave me the skills to say “now what can I do to make it better?” and do it!
February 12, 2010 at 10:20 am
I’m with Middleway. It takes a long time for some of us to gain enough experience to know that tough times don’t last forever (even if it seems like they may never end). It can take even longer to learn that how we view and handle any situation can change its effect on us. We are more capable than we realize.
I see my own kids sometimes getting wrapped up in a glass half empty mindset when things go wrong. I always tell them something a teacher told me years ago: “This too, shall pass.” I didn’t really understand what that meant for years and I can see by the blank stares on my kids’ faces that they probably don’t either. But someday they will, and that phrase will hopefully give them comfort and encouragement during hard times.
February 12, 2010 at 10:41 am
Sometimes bouncability depends on from what height one is being dropped
My parents had the serenity prayer located by the front door of our house growing up… and we weren’t terribly religious, and did not attend church regularly, so it’s not really about having faith (althoug it is wonderful if you do). But seeing that everyday was ingrained somehow in me… so when it comes to problems, I try to follow tha mantra.
Change the things I can,
Accept the things I cannot,
And try to have the wisdom to see the difference.
And further than listening to that internal voice… and saying things to yourself that you wouldn’t say to others…. I also try to be my own cheerleader as well. Say the nice things that you would say to your friends.
Every day IS a new day.
February 12, 2010 at 11:03 am
This reminds me of my Dads favorite quote… “A kick in the a$$ is a step forward.” When life sneaks up and boots you good, you either leap forward, or fall flat on your face. Even if you fall flat, getting up requires taking at least one step forward.
February 12, 2010 at 11:51 am
My Dad always tells us, “by Christmas (or Easter, or your birthday, or whatever) it’ll be a memory.” Of course, this is the same Dad who, when presented with a stubbed toe, would offer to step on the other foot to “balance you out” …
February 12, 2010 at 11:51 am
Low self-esteem?
Make a list of the difficulties you encoutered in life and all the bad stuff that happened to you. Write down how you got out of the situation or the outcome of the situation. Then you might see how much to are able to accomplish (even if it is with the help of others).
R: I like that quote!
February 12, 2010 at 11:58 am
This past year with all that happen in my family’s life I’m glad I can be my very own Shmoo clown. We took a beating and we are working hard to bounce back as best as possible.
Regards,
Jason
February 12, 2010 at 12:01 pm
I vaguely remember the clown, but I think it was before my time… I do remember the Weebles – they weeble and they wobble but they don’t fall down!
On the whole I am a positive person. I rarely let myself get down, but when I do have my own little ‘Pity Party’ I’m usually pretty quick to turn it around.
I had to have a discussion today with some of the people who work for me. There was some serious grumbling about the fact we would have to work late, especially as it is last moment and we are doing it on the whim of the ‘higher ups.’ Unfortunately a necessity in the military…
Anyway, no one’s thrilled about it, including me, but the grumbling was starting to get out of hand – they were all starting to feed off each other. I had to gather everyone together and point out that yes, no one wants to do this, and no, it’s something that doesn’t make sense, but guess what? It’s our job. We’ve had our chance to b!+ch but now it’s time to get over it and get on with it. If everyone goes out there cranky and whiney then everyone will resent it. If we can all get into a better place it can be fun – to a degree…
I got some surprised looks but everyone settled down and now they’re back to normal. They definately weebled, were starting to wobble, but thank goodness they didn’t fall down!
Have a great weekend everyone!
February 12, 2010 at 12:25 pm
I like all the family sayings. One of ours was “worse things have happened at sea” from my great-grandmother. Just reminds us that given everyone and everything in our lives we are blessed and lucky.
February 12, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Kat, thank you for sharing. I LOVE the idea of have a quote or prayer on your front door. Maybe I’ll order one from wallwords.com or something like that for our main door. It’s great reminder each day when we leave the house to stay positive.
I am much like SophieW, positive for the most part, and I bouce back quickly if I get a negative mind-set. I amaze myself sometimes, given my parents and my husband are all “half-empty” types.
I’ve had a few big ‘obstacles’ in my life and I made the choice to move on with my life and not dwell. Looking backwards isn’t going to get me anywhere. When my DH becomes worried about ‘life’ I remind him that there are things we have no control over, but we can control how we react to them.
February 12, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Great topic today Gail. Its taken me a while to identify the certain things that discourage me easily and ahrder to recover from and the things that I find easy to bounce back from. I know that I am much more likely to get discouraged if I get rejected for a job i interviewed for, because career related things always have a way of getting to me. On the other hand, (before husband) Dating, Breaking Up, never discouraged me, it was easy for me to bounce back, because I was confident in my self worth. I always tell my sisters “The best thing about breaking up, is you get to be single again! “
February 12, 2010 at 4:01 pm
I’m old enough to remember the clown. Never had one though. I do however have a collection of Sesame Street weebles.
I’m with 2 cents. I heard ‘this too shall pass’ my whole life from my Mom. It’s my mantra. And when I complained when I was little my Nana would say ‘oh my finger, oh my thumb, oh my belly, oh my bum’. Wonder what your co-workers would have said to that one SophieW?
Off Topic: Saw this and wanted to share. Hope the link works.
http://ca.finance.yahoo.com/personal-finance/article/cpmoney/credit-card-debt-may-mean-foregoing-rrsp-contribution-get-head-above-water-20100211
February 12, 2010 at 4:59 pm
Catherine – thank you so much for posting that link. It was very timely for me, as I’ve been sitting here wondering if I should take a RRSP loan at 3% in order to try and boost my tax return enough to make any difference to my CC (11.99%). After reading this article, I think it would be prudent of me to not take the loan. Good food for thought there.
February 12, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I’m not a big risk-taker, either, and there’s not much wrong with my self-esteem! I am shy in some social situations, but when life punches me in the face I generally bounce right back up! The only time I couldn’t was with post-partum depression, I wasn’t myself (I had no bootstraps to pull me up by). Otherwise I feel in control of my own choices and reactions in most areas, and prefer to walk on the sunny side of the street.
February 13, 2010 at 12:30 am
To Catherine and Chubby Bunny: Read this controversial article on RRSP contributions versus paying down debt. Your debt is compounding interest the same as your RRSP would. Pay your debt first is the message …
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personal-finance/rrsp/forget-rrsps-until-your-debt-is-paid-off/article1466052/
February 13, 2010 at 12:53 am
Boy oh boy, this blog was on target! My sister used to call me “the pick-up queen” until I almost decked her. What she meant was that she had never heard of anyone or seen anyone, who had to pick herself up after doing a “face-plant in life” as I did.
It seemed that I had this talent for making decisions that looked good, seemed good were checked out by people who seemed to be experts, but there were a lot of unexpected “life curves”!
Learning to take responsibility for myself was extremely hard as I had the “victim” role down really good! When I finally had a change of attitude things did go much better, but the curves of life sure didn’t decrease. I just found them to be not as long lasting and easier to deal with. I found out that there is a great resource in a genuine cheering section – even if that is all they can do.
Gail is so right in the power of a positive attitude!
Thanks.
February 13, 2010 at 8:07 am
I used to work with a group of ladies who, if having a bad day, or a rough patch, would come and talk to me cause they knew that no matter how rough they had it, I could always one up them!…LOL…(and, no I was not offended by this)…the point to all of this was that although my circumstances were more stressful or worrisome, I was always able to stay positive, so I was the proverbial kick in the pants for these folks..lol…it took me a long time to develop this attitude though…when our eldest son was diagnosed with autism I was expecting our second son…and things just went downhill from there…2nd son was diagnosed with tubersclerosis, and my husband developed an illness so severe he had to retire from work at 47 years old!…BUT although all of this started in 1994…it was only the first few years that were overwhelming and unbearable…then I finally stopped to catch my breath…now I can break things down and give them only the amount of worry and concern they deserve…lol…now, we live one day at a time and face the challenges one by one…we also changed our lifestyle to make it the most comfortable for the 4 of us…we are each other’s number one priortiy…everything else comes later…so far so good…I still have empathy and compassion for those that have it much worse than we do and patience for those that think they do…
my favourite quote is this one:
Experience is the hardest teacher of all…she gives the TEST FIRST AND THEN THE LESSON!!
Happy weekend y’all
February 13, 2010 at 10:56 am
Thank you for the morning chuckle, R.! I can’t count the number of “steps forward” I’ve had, but it’s landed me in a pretty good place now, thankfully!
February 13, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Sparky, I love that quote! Think I’m going to start using it
Thanks
February 13, 2010 at 4:22 pm
@chubby bunny ~ hope the article helps you make decisions.
@Sparky – you are inspiring!
And so, it’s a long weekend. Everyone’s busy (I just got out of the kitchen cooking and baking – company coming for dinner) and I just wondered if anyone wants to play a game till Gail gets back?
Too much stuff. Most of us have it I think. So, what’s under your bed???
Under mine is a big, flat plastic container filled with wrapping paper. And the guest bed has plastic containers with ribbon (I love wrapping gifts…) and the summer cushions for my kitchen chairs – I switch those on the chairs now come Spring. Anyone else?
February 13, 2010 at 9:42 pm
A long weekend in february? Must be nice! The NS government tried to pass it here but it was defeated because… get this… they were worried the merchants would lose business… OMG! So now we don’t get another holiday until easter, which is in April this year I think. Yuck!
Under my bed is my summer clothes, my flute, piccalo and music and my wedding dress. I have no idea why I’m holding on to it, the marriage has been over for 3 years now but it was hand made for me by my MIL by my design. I know my daughter will never wear it because it wouldn’t suit her colouring, but I just can’t let it go.
February 14, 2010 at 8:44 am
@Sophie…that’s lousy!…don’t the Merchants make up for it by all the money they make being open over Christmas???…crazy…besides, those merchants have family too…wouldn’t they like to have a long weekend??…I hope that law gets changed for you..
@Catherine et al:…under my bed is a hutch of little dust bunnies waiting in fear for the next pass of the vacum cleaner!…LOL…
February 14, 2010 at 2:10 pm
I have to say 2008 was my year of the bounce back up x 3. At the beginning of the year I got forced out of my job. As I resulted a filed a complaint and won my case and a small financial settlement. Later in the yr, August, I found a lump in my breast, waited a few months, I am not in the age group for mammograms. In November I went to the dr’s. Did a series of mammograms, nothing to worry about, except the excursing pain of a compression mammo that no one tells you about. Then November, again, my dad passed away after a very long illness. I got back up and went back to work in under a week. No breavement leave under my contract at that time and being single, I couldn’t afford not to be working. I guess being independant has been my saving grace.
February 14, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Enjoy your long weekend…nothing in BC either until Easter. At least we can watch the Olympics as a bit of excitement this month.
February 15, 2010 at 7:21 am
Maybe just to ease the pain of lack of holidays. I am currently living in Brisbane Australia. From the second Monday in June till Christmas day there is ONE public holdiay and it is on Wednesday. No long weekends from the first part of June to end of December. You end up taking a mental health day just because.
However, in Jan to April there are 5 holidays. Summer here so I guess that is why all the days off.
February 15, 2010 at 8:39 am
Unfortunately, Family Day is a discretionary holiday day, not a stat holiday. If your boss gives more than 10 days off (including stat holidays), they are not required to give you this day off.
As for the under the bed storage area …
1. Toiletries. They are in a long “under bed storage” container.
2. 2 large fabric suitcases from my grandma – these are mostly empty. One corner holds seasonal clothes, plus things that don’t fit properly
3. Boxes – the boxes that belong to items in the kitchen. The hall closet already has the other big boxes and air conditioner, and we don’t have a storage locker. We know that we will be moving out of here within a few years though, so we are keeping the boxes here.
4. Miscellaneous items that have fallen behind the bed off the top of the headboard (kleenex, hair ties, ear plugs, etc). I don’t like crawling under there for rescue missions though!
February 15, 2010 at 10:42 am
Happy Family Day! Sorry to hear there are some that do not get it off work. And here I thought it was a holiday across the board in Canada.
Thanks to the good sports who are sharing what is under their bed. I’ve been trying to downsize here very slowly and it gets you thinking about all your ’stuff’. Case in point…today will be day two working on my family geneology. I have a huge plastic container of paperwork and photos that goes back to the 1600’s. Whatever will happen to it down the road I wonder? ‘Stuff’ for my kids to do something with I reckon. Have a good day all!
February 16, 2010 at 12:44 pm
I often react to things emotionally rather than rationally. Self-help books like The Road Less Traveled might offer some insights, but they haven’t really changed my personality. What has helped, however, is being married to a man with a very even disposition. When I overreact to small disturbances, he is a calm, reassuring presence. He, on the other hand, appreciates my lively disposition. I guess this is a case of “Opposites Attract.”
February 26, 2010 at 7:23 am
Excellent Post and Blog I’ll be following it
Canada won “GOLD” Today YA HOO