Comments on: Happily Ever After

By: Modest Upbringing

Modest Upbringing — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:43:47 +0000

I grew up in a low income family and now am married with a combined income that puts us safely into the middle class. We don’t want for anything, really. Hubs and I both work and are successful so he is not my financial saviour, HOWEVER, he was raised with a sense of entitlement I struggle to correct in my children today.

The thing that’s most difficult to overcome??? IN-LAWS
They are generous to a fault and have the financial means to shower my children with gifts despite my repeated requests to the contrary. It’s a power struggle that has defined my marriage and my husband wants no part of being in the middle.

My children, as yet, are not snotty and my oldest understands the value of money but they don’t understand what effort and length of time it takes to earn that money.

Try and instill a sense of gratitude into a 3 year old who is on her 3rd Nintendo DS because she broke the other two (clearly not responsible enough to own one or even know how to operate it yet anyway). It’s incredibly difficult.

For my 6 year old’s birthday, I’m encouraging her to donate her gifts to a children’s charity. We’ll see if it works.

By: Leslie P

Leslie P — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:22:19 +0000

As a parent of two 20 something boys born in the 80’s and a 9 year old girl I have seen a couple of generations of offspring. I agree that every generation has fads/behaviours that parents condemn or don’t understand. My father thought that listening to Alice Cooper would make me commit suicide But there is a greater sense of need for ‘immediate gratification’ in the last couple of generations. I believe that was brought on by technology (first remote controls to mute commercials and watch several shows at once, then vcr’s so you didn’t have to plan to see a TV show and of course recently instant messaging, etc.) Think about how frustrated we get when we have to wait 30 seconds for something to download on the internet!
I found it a challenge to temper this behaviour in my kids. We never had the newest gaming system. Seems we always bought the out of date one because it was cheaper. But when I have conversations about debt and saving for purchases and living within your means now I get replies like “everyone has debt – no big deal” right up to “I can always claim bankruptcy if I have too because it isn’t my fault that they gave me credit they knew I couldn’t pay back”. REALLY! I grew up in a family that emigrated from Scotland, with a yearly family income of under $10,000 in the seventies and my parents did not owe a cent to anyone. We paid cash and we lived okay. Nice neighbourhood and I never felt that I didn’t have what most kids had at the time. My kids never got that attitude on money and debt and bankruptcy from us. My husband and I have worked hard and lived mostly within our means so I am flabergasted that my kids say stuff like that. They had an allowance, were expected to work to pay for extras and still I got attitudes like that!
The 9 year old gets an allowance of $8 per week and she puts $3 in a savings account. She saves for stuff and understands that we can go shopping and not buy anything. She is aware of prices and over-buying. I do believe that no matter how consistently you give them the message it comes down to their personalities and sometimes outside influences. That’s why people from the same upbringing can be so opposite.
I still do my best to get the message across. Maybe someday….

By: youngandthrifty

youngandthrifty — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:14:42 +0000

Wonderful post! I completely 100% agree with you. We really are bombarded with images from the media of celebrities who have it all. We are bombarded with images from magazines, editorials that show beautiful people wearing beautiful materialistic things (like LV bags, Chanel purses, expensive watches, $200+ jeans) and young people nowadays are drawn to that. I find (in my city anyways) that young people are becoming materialistic and people start looking at what you’re wearing, what you drive, rather than who you are to assess whether they consider if you “fit in”. I cringe when I see teenagers (who look like they’re in high school) wearing expensive $200+ jeans.

I hope that my future offspring won’t be demanding $200+ jeans– I’ll make sure of it!

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 20:09:02 +0000

@Jennifer – I actually stopped watching a lot of the home-finding shows on HGTV and such because I got so pissed off at most of the families featured on that shows. They’d reject a home because the appliances were black instead of stainless steel, or weren’t quite modern enough… I’m 23, have lived in rental suites for the past 4 years, and haven’t had a frigging dishwasher since I left my parents’ house. I’d give my right arm for a dishwasher, forget stainless steel appliances. =/

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 19:05:27 +0000

Wonderful post.

(LoL, I’m watching your show now as I type this, and I bought your book yesterday. Can’t wait to read it!)

By: Anna

Anna — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 17:19:07 +0000

Great post Gail! Interestingly there’s a gentleman that I work with who really wants to marry his girlfriend. His girlfriend is a very attractive 24 year old who works for a beer company promoting their products at bars and festivals in Western Canada. She’s a partier – and it appears that she makes enough money to support herself and her lifestyle. She seems to love her job.

This gentleman has concerns that she’s not taking her future seriously enough and he’s been pushing her to apply for nursing school (she has no education above high school).

I don’t say anything but I definitely think this is a path down a wrong road. From where I sit I think he should accept her as she is, rather than hope that she’ll choose an “acceptable (to him)” career after they get married.

I think I might try and gently direct him to this article.

By: Katy

Katy — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 02:57:54 +0000

With the media in your face constantly, it can be easy to get caught up in the “keeping up with the Jones’” mentality. My husbands family, for example, really suffered from it — fortunately, his parents have gotten out of it….unfortunately that happened in their 60s.

As for kids and their sense of entitlement for stuff — I saw it when I grew up in the 70s/80s (I was the only one at the new school wearing homemade clothes, and nondesigner stuff)……and I see it today with my 12 year old (classmates with yearly trips to Disneyland and Costa Rica, cellphones, iPods, designer clothes, attending the Olympic games in China!!!!!).

It can be hard to accept who you are, and not fall for what the media tells you to be. I can only hope to install honest self value in my child………but hopefully he won’t have that self entitlement other posters have talked about.

By: Goal "0" Debt

Goal "0" Debt — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 02:25:17 +0000

I have to say I do agree with some of you comments Geoff, if you have worked hard, budgeted correctly, saved (saving) for the future and don’t let credit run your life there is room for the nicer things, otherwise what have you busted your butt for.

I set goals early and at 46 have met them all, house paid, e.f. well supplied, son’s education fund ready for 4 more years, rsp well funded and a 25 year pension under my belt (so far). I have nice cars, go on vacation but live within my middle class means; I know the value of a dollar and have instilled that in my son.

What you teach your kids about finances will mould them into the savers or spenders they become in the next generation.

By: Geoff

Geoff — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 21:06:36 +0000

Sometimes I feel like I’m about to get banned from this blog, cause I seem to be taking a counter-approach a lot lately. Anyway, here goes…

1) I think its very easy to get into the whole ‘the next generation sucks’ position but as some posters above pointed out, we’re individuals, not collective clones. There were materialistic folks in the 1920s, there will be the same in 2020.
2) I don’t think kids are anymore materialistic today than back in the day, the products have changed. Ipod touch replaced the $200 sneakers (or joined in addition to).
3) To those who say kids are entitled and want to skip the entry $10/hour job, ummm hells yeah? There’s no honour in earning $10/hour if you can get a job earning $20. The problem is if you can’t get the one earning $20, but that’s not entitlement, that’s delusion.
4) I’m a father and want my son to understand how much things cost but also how capitalism works. Which is why when he’s 10 and is saving up for an itouch or whwatever, he’ll also have to come up with some money to invest in apple – or whoever the manufacturer of interest is. If he buys it and loses it, so be it. Life goes on.
5) There’s nothing wrong with enjoying one’s successes. There’s starting to be an undercurrent on this blog – not just this post – that buying items is somehow wrong, if the item is in the wrong category. In other words – expensive shoes – bad, lots of frozen food – good. Nothing wrong with having nice things an dplaces to live, if you can afford them.

By: Trying Hard

Trying Hard — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:32:37 +0000

Jennifer and Jolie, I too am teacher who sees the same thing. This past Christmas I asked each of the kids to write a journal entry about what they were hoping Santa would bring. I was shocked. 3 kids wrote that they were asking for a Quad!! There were mulitple I-Pod Touches, cell phones and D.S.I.’s. Imagine my relief when I read someone still hoped for a simple Barbie. This was the student who I already knew was receiving a hamper from the school. At least one family was in touch with reality…

By: Sparky

Sparky — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 13:10:53 +0000

I grew up in a family with 4 children one brother, an elder sister, and I have a twin sister…we all had everything we NEEDED and MUCH of what we WANTED…of course wants were less back then…(I’ll be 44 this year)…we always had a family vacation every year…we went camping on the weekends…we always had a birthday party…at home where my mother prepared the food and baked the cake…Christmas was always a nice celebration…nice gifts (3 or 4) and good food..my mother MADE us save money…didn’t matter that we earned it ourselves..we lived under her roof and followed her rules..simple…we all had the opportunity for a college or university education that my parents would have paid for…(2 of us went to college and two of us got good full time jobs right out of high school…that was still possible in the late 70’s and early 80’s)…we all got XX amount of money for our weddings…to put towards the party or for appliances or whatever…and not one of us was deprived!…now, I have two boys of my own…one is 17 but due to his severe autism he is a perpetual toddler…( a very adorable 6 ft toddler..lol..but, that’s for another time)…the other is a 15 year old typical teen that WANTS and WANTS…but he doesn’t simply GET GET GET…my kids always got 3 presents at Christmas…something from Santa, something from each other and something from us…simple…one birthday gift and a party…simple…Tyson gets a weekly allowance, and Brody gets his weekly treats from the grocery store…simple….Tyson LOVES computers and electronics so when he wants the next big item he buys it himself!!…his birthday is 3 days before Christmas so for the last few years everyone in the family has been giving him money for bday and Christmas so that he can simply pool it together and get what he wants…and yes he has some savings too…he even has some set aside for ‘emergencies’ as those electronics can need costly repairs from time to time!…We are getting back to simpler more basic living in this house…it’s more peaceful and less stress…and no one is suffering…two weeks ago Tyson had 3 friends over for movies and pizza…they wanted to order their pizza in…for 4 teenagers it would have easily cost them about 50.00…I offered to make them hot dogs and pizza for dinner…plus pop and chips…total cost for me 20.00…cost for them 0.00…they were quite happy…they were well fed and they still had their money in their pocket…slowly, they are seeing the light..lol…

By: Anne

Anne — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 02:04:16 +0000

I was brought up in a family of only 2 children but we were not rich by any means. We has to save our meager allowance to get anything we wanted that we could do without since our parents didn’t have the money.

I have payed off my debts, such as a student loan and an expensive bad house repair myself while on disability. I now owe nothing and have always saved for the things I want.

My sibling is the total opposite. He will buy to show up the Jones and then some. He saves nothing so when anything goes wrong he gets into deep financial trouble over and over and expects family to bail him out – not me anymore since I stopped that years ago seeing it wasn’t helping him and hurting me.

I don’t understand why 2 people raised in the same open financial environment could be so different. Why does he feel entitiled when I feel I have too much.

Gail I wish you could explain this phenomena.

By: moneymagnet

moneymagnet — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 01:25:32 +0000

While I’m in my 40’s, my nephews would conceivably be the age that my kids would be (22/19) if I had any of my own. They grew up making lists at Christmas from when they were little boys. I struggled as a woman in my 20s to think of gift ideas when my now late parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I certainly think it does goes back to how you are/were raised. While atypical in that my mom worked outside the home, I am from a family of 4, and we never participated in extra-curricular activities – it was just too expensive to put 4 kids into ballet, soccer, judo, skating, hockey, etc. although I can’t really remember as many organized sports as the kids these days participate in. I do feel, from my own experience, that my nephews have definitely grown up with a sense of ‘entitlement’. They are clueless as to what things cost and never were taught to save for things that they really want. Their parents simply bought (buy) them whatever they want. Start a job making $10/hr – no way – they want to start at the top making $20 and up. It behooves me to understand why my nephew’s generation can’t fathom earning their own keep and working their way up the pay scale? I’m glad I am a child of the 70s – nothing has been handed to me and I have worked hard to have what I have.

By: SophieW

SophieW — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 23:08:39 +0000

I know a few of these Princesses (and a Prince or two) and I feel bad for them. They have no clue what they’re spending or why… They think that a particlar logo splashed on their handbag or red soles on their shoes will make them a better person, give them happiness. But all they end up with is more debt and more stress. They like to act carefree, as if all is good in the world and they have no concerns. But every now and then the thin veneer cracks and you can see the darkness festering within.

Of course, most of the time they manage to bury their heads back in the sand and go buy something else they feel they deserve, just to feel good again, but at what cost?

For some reason they never learned the lesson that happiness is found within so they continue to look for it outside themselves – in a mall. How do we teach them a lesson they didn’t get when they were young? It’s a scary proposition because some of them never get it.

Is there a law on how many times you can claim bankrupcy in a lifetime? I have a friend who is in her mid 30s and she’s well on her way to a 2nd bankrupcy (not counting the consumer proposal just 5 years ago.)

So sad.

By: Bargain Junkie

Bargain Junkie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:28:16 +0000

I couldn’t agree more! I don’t need a $6,000 bag to make me happy. I’m perfectly content with the silver Sportsac that I got on eBay for twelve bucks. I’m a lifelong frugalista, but I will splurge occasionally on something that feeds me emotionally – like tickets to a Broadway musical. We have to re-think our priorities!