What Would Your Mulligan Be?
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
In the golf world, a “mulligan” is a do-over. Your ball ends up in the pond and you can take a mulligan so that the shot doesn’t count in your score. Mulligans are played only when everyone in a friendly game agrees. They’re never when official rules are being followed.
Everyone wishes they could take a mulligan for something that they’ve done with their money. Mine would be to have taken a pass on Nortel, and a couple of other loser investments that seemed like pretty good ideas at the time, even to my investment adviser. Happily I’ve also had some good luck in the markets that have offset the downers. But I’d take the Mulligan on Nortel if given half a chance.
I don’t spend a lot of energy on regret. It’s a wasted emotion as far as I’m concern. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t take a Mulligan here and there if I could. A do-over would have been a godsend when, at 20, I found myself in Australia married to a guy who was determined to control my every move and knock the crap out of me when I didn’t comply. Maybe that’s why I’m so determined never to let someone dictate the terms of my life today.
A Mulligan is different from regret. I don’t regret being married to my first husband, as painful as the experience was. I learned some very important lessons in the process, lessons that informed the rest of my life. Those lessons went a long way to creating my “don’t judge” attitude. Having walked that road, I know how it feels. But I’d take a Mulligan not to have walked around with the residue of an abusive relationship permeating my being for years after.
I’d probably take a Mulligan on how long I waited to leave my last ex. I was trying to balance the needs of both my children. Alex was in constant conflict with her father; Malcolm, with his special needs, needed the maturity time would bring to be able to cope with the change. I waited a tad too long. I’d take a Mulligan on the timing.
So, do you have something in your life you’d take a Mulligan on? How about some financial step you took that you’d call “do-over” on?
I was chatting with a young lady in Walmart recently who said she really loved what I’d written about regret, but still wished she had been a little less myopic when it came to her university years. She told me she was having a lot of fun, and had the attitude that this was the last time she’d be this kind of “free” so she went at life with gusto. A little too much gusto. It ended up taking her five years to get her four-year degree an she had a lot of debt to show for all her play. If she had a Mulligan, she’d have paid more attention to how her decisions today were going to affect her tomorrow.
Knowing what you’d change is the answer to, “Did you learn the lesson?” Spending time whining about what’s wrong with your life or the mistakes you may have made doesn’t get you closer to where you want to be next. But knowing what NOT to do AGAIN… that’s priceless. The longer you live, the more Mulligans you rack up because of all the lessons you learn. But the longer you live, the more you also know that the only person who can change what’s wrong with your life is you. And experience’s big lesson is that you CAN change what isn’t working for you.
Okay, it’s your turn. Fess up. What would you take a Mulligan on, be it a life or a financial decision? And what lesson have you learned along the way that you’d pass on to someone who asked?
January 21, 2010 at 7:28 am
My buy now pay later loan that bought our couch set, washer and dryer and t.v. stand!! At the time it seemed like such a great deal..no payments for 18 months…we said oh we’ll just pay on it every month..haha…then we had to save up for a wedding and that little loan fell by the wayside…Once our wedding was over I could focus on paying it off…since October I am at the halfway mark..but it has to be paid off in full by March 1st or interest starts…my greatest enemy! We are going to pay as much on it as we can..also hoping for a good income tax return that will go directly on it..but if there is anything left it will have to go on our line of credit..because it is a lot better interest rate..but if I had a mulligan I would live with my futons for a while and do my laundry at my moms until we saved up for those things:) A lesson well learned!
January 21, 2010 at 7:31 am
Oh boy do I ever!
Back when I first graduated my undergraduate degree, I wound up with two very good offers. One was a great job, one was a spot in a great Master’s program.
I couldn’t decide which to go with. Then the supposedly “smart” financial me decided I should do both- why shell out tuition when I could attend part-time and be making money??
Almost four years later (for a 2 year program), I’m still paying tuition. The university won’t let me stop paying unless I officially drop out, and my “smart” way of trying to do both things at once has caused me untold stress and over 21k. And after putting this much in, I’m loathe to cut my losses and move on (still have the great job, btw).
I’d love a mulligan for this one!
January 21, 2010 at 7:46 am
Kate, I can totally sympathise. I started my masters, after 2 years I took a job full time…promising myself I’d finish in the next 6 months….four years later when I finally defended my thesis I realised I had paid about 8000 in tuition I didn’t need to.
I’d take a muligan on that as well. Working and going to school just never seem to work as well as it could/should
January 21, 2010 at 7:59 am
If I could take a mulligan it would be with my job…I went to casual when my boys were little so I could be home with them 90% of the time…BUT, my job is the one with benefits…so although my husband’s paycheck was bigger he should have been the one to work a little less so that I could have worked the minimum 15 hrs a week to get benefits…instead we were having to dish out hundreds of dollars in prescription costs that sometimes were paid for with a cc…with two special needs kids and an ill husband the drug costs get crazy…now my husband is retired due to illness and I work 32 hours a week…with FULL benefits and we are alot further ahead…no more cc debt!!…yesterday I picked up a script for each of my boys and my husband…the cost for those 3 meds without drug coverage???…almost 600.00!!!…3 prescriptions!!…instead I paid 37.00…cash!…yep, if I could do that over I would appreciate the value of a good benefit plan!
January 21, 2010 at 8:20 am
What an interesting question. I wonder if I hadn’t had those experiences (that I’d love to take a Mulligan on) would I be where I am today, or the kid of person I am today? Since I learned from the experiences and changed for, I think, the better, perhaps it was best to have had those experiences in the first place.
If I had a Mulligan to take it would probably be when I took the year off of work after 3 years in a very high stress job where any misstep or mistake had the potential for making the place I worked for becoming news in the public (a political job), I probably should have applied for EI benefits while I recharged the batteries. Instead I thought I could very easily take on contract work for the year, but I was too burned out to really put the massive effort required to go out and get contracts. So that was the year my debt began to accumulate as I used LOC and credit cards for basic living expenses. Of course, that was long before I learned things like emergency funds!
I wouldn’t change taking the year off to recharge, recalibrate and decide what to do for my future, I’d just plan it better, and make sure sure there was some income supports – EI for a while and if I had only thought of having an emergency fund…
January 21, 2010 at 8:25 am
Life and finance – as a fresh off the boat immigrant at the age of 19 I went to a fairly conservative university in small-town Ontario – major culture shock! That and a few other personal issues that it took a while to work out meant that I graduated in five instead of four years with marks that were acceptable but not as good as I could have done, and had to take out a whack of student loans (in addition to working one and sometimes two jobs) to support myself – my single mom had moved to another part of the province and was in no position to help beyond the occasional bag of groceries. I don’t precisely regret this – I learned a lot, made some lifelong friends, had some fun and worked through my culture shock and growing pains the best I could, but if I could take a Mulligan on it I would have gone to school in a bigger, more multicultural city with more support and networks for people like me – and I would have buckled down and gotten the damn degree done in four years!
January 21, 2010 at 8:46 am
Interesting question, indeed!
Gail, I like how you distinguish between ‘taking a mulligan’ and ‘regret’, and how the two aren’t the same. I don’t regret anything I’ve done in my life thus far, but I would gladly ‘re-do’ some things!
I would re-do my first year of University… I passed everything the first time, but my grades weren’t as good as they could have been. With higher grades, I would have maintained my admission scholarship, and probably would not have needed to pay as much for tuition for the next 3 years. With the mediocre year I had, I lost the scholarship… lesson learned!
I would also probably re-do the purchase of my first home. I love our home and the fact that it’s ours… but we bought at the wrong time (beginning of the recession). Perhaps we should have waited a few more months (although, I needed to get out of my apartment because of a bad landlord!)… we’re just hoping to get what we paid for when we decide to sell!
Thanks for the post, Gail!
January 21, 2010 at 9:20 am
Our “high efficiency” boiler. We bought it from a crook who had no idea how to install it. Dozens of phone calls to the manufacturer, the regional distributor, the Ministry of Labour, the Technical Standards and Safety Association, and still we were stuck with thousands of dollars of money to “reinstall” what was done. It works now, but so many times, in the middle of winter, it didn’t. Just awful.
January 21, 2010 at 9:20 am
My Mulligans would be on an RRSP Loan I took out before the market crashed in 2008. I’d also go back and mulligan my decision to start racing cars that cost me alot while I was doing that hobby and I’d be farther ahead today if I didn’t get into it then.
Regards,
Jason
January 21, 2010 at 9:24 am
Can there be a mulligan package policty?
- save 10% from the very first paycheque I received
- budget then like I do now
- teach my kids about finances from a wee age
- started saving for their Education.
January 21, 2010 at 9:25 am
I would also re-do my first year of university. It ended up being my last, due to partying and irresponsibility. I quickly discovered that the jobs I was able to get were neither well paying, nor what I wanted to do. It’s hard to go back to school with children and other obligations (read debts). I would have completed school prior to children, and I would have gone for the longer training and better paying job, than what I ended up taking, along with $12000 student loans and working almost full time, attending school full time, and being a mother full time.
January 21, 2010 at 9:29 am
I don’t really have a financial mulligan but I know my husbands is that he wished he had bought a condo in the early 2000s instead of renting a very expensive apartment. Its a bit of my mulligan too as we would be quite a bit ahead had he done so!
January 21, 2010 at 9:38 am
Great post, Gail! I agree that the things done so far in my life have made me the person I am, and so I wouldn’t change much. However, financially, I bought Bombardier stocks prior to Sept. 11, and of course, they crashed after the attacks (Bombardier being a airplane and train manufacturer). I didn’t sell them before losing about 3/4 of the money! Thankfully, the money was from an inheritance and it didn’t cause me too much grief losing it (gambling it, essentially), but I did learn when to buy and when to sell!
January 21, 2010 at 9:46 am
I have three, but one of them I’m not really sure if I would use a do over.
My first was taking extra student loan debt when going to college to buy a nice computer. A few years later the computer is a piece of trash and the debt is still there.
My second was repairing a lemon car and taking out a loan so that we could make it through a winter with a vehicle. It cost a lot and we probably should have dumped it looking back.
My third and the one I’m not sure of is supporting my spouse through going back to school and attempting to start a business. This one is a tough one because they are happier but I’m miserable; Especially since there has been no money coming in from the other side (no livable amount anyway) for over 3 years now.
January 21, 2010 at 9:50 am
My goodness ! I can think of so many things I’d want to take a mulligan on in my life that it would use up all of Gail’s space online.
Hindsight is a great tool, it just comes too late.
Fortunately, I have learned from my mistakes, and from other’s. No real regrets, as my decisions are what made me the person I am today, but some do-overs would be nice.
January 21, 2010 at 9:53 am
Unfortunately, no do-overs in life, but if I had a chance to do something differently, I would definitely have done the following:
1. I should have got my driver’s license at a younger age (I got my license when I was in my 40’s).
2. Not leave Canada and move to the US and leave a great job behind. Salaries in this city are lower than I was making in Canada, and now with the exchange rate nearly at par, I definitely should have stayed where I was.
3. Travel more! (However, there is still time to do that)
January 21, 2010 at 9:57 am
My do-over would be to leave my place of work and start out on my own 6 years ago. The environment is preventing me from wanting to be there. In a lot of ways, being there is worse than the work itself which I enjoy and do well at.
As it is, it is 6 years later and due to our smarter money choices, I will be able to entertain shortening my work hours to about 12 hrs/wk in about 3 years. I’m going to hang in there and do my best until then.
January 21, 2010 at 10:04 am
My big mulligan: I was hospitalized for depression (turned out to be bipolar I) against my will when I was in my teens. I refused to believe that there was anything wrong with me, checked out of the hospital once their hold on my expired and refused to take medication or see a doctor for the next ten years. Ten years I put my family through hell for and during which I frittered away my opportunities. I’d love to be able to mulligan and tell 17-year old me to swallow her pride and listen to the doctors. Managed to get my bachelors degree and accrue no debt during those ten years, so I guess it wasn’t a total write off, but I’d redo it in a second. In fact, wasted emotion or not, I do regret it.
January 21, 2010 at 10:21 am
My mulligan is not being on a budget when I moved from northern BC. My bf was making good money and instead of being aware of what we made vs what we owed we spent his rrsp money and made a big debt hole. We shared money before we were ready and last year when we split everything 50/50 even debt he went further in debt 20k while I have 1900 on a cc and a car loan. I should have waited a few more months before I bought my car and not gotten the extened warrenty for it I overpaid for my corrolla when you add in the payments for the extened warrenty I dont think I will go for that one my next car around
January 21, 2010 at 10:39 am
I honestly can’t think of a mulligan, but I am sure it is just around the corner.
I might have worked harder to avoid student loans on my 2nd degree, but at the same time, I was able to work much harder and focus on my practicums as I would my job and I managed to land a full time contract right after graduating, which is not common in the teaching profession. I’ve managed to pay off most of my student loans in the first year and a half.
We are in the process of purchasing a home, and I do anticipate a mulligan coming up. Not with our decision to buy, but with something I feel like we’re going to miss. We’re in a building contract for a new house, and I am very new to this kind of a purchase. We have been chosen to receive a special grant to help finance the house, which is partly why we are going with this track. But it’s a brand new program in Canada, we are the first participants and I have a feeling that we will learn something throughout this process that we wish we had known or had been able to foresee. I am at least prepared for something to be a surprise, it’s just a matter of when. My brain is so full of legal speak that sometimes it seems things need to be repeated several times for them to truly sink in. Maybe I should start tape recording our meetings…
January 21, 2010 at 10:41 am
I’d say the biggest do-over I’d like would be to have planned my budget prior to starting grad school. My husband I lived apart during my Masters, because we thought he wouldn’t be able to get a job that paid well enough in the city that my school was in . In retrospect, with all the money we spent supporting two households (replete with brutal long distance bills and flights to visit) we could have been happier (moving away 5 days after our wedding was tough, let me tell ya) and probably not have incurred so much debt, had he gotten a lower paying job and moved with me. In reality, during that time, he got a great job opportunity that has led to many other good things, so really, you can’t do-over the bad parts without undoing the good parts I guess. Plus, as Gail said, did you learn the lesson? You betcha! I learned that I never again wanted the stress of spending more each month than we made, and have taken big steps to secure our financial present and future, but maybe even more importantly, I learned that DH and I can survive through some pretty tough circumstances and come out standing together.
January 21, 2010 at 10:43 am
One very costly $$-wise but wasn’t really a bad choice.
I’d have returned to my engineering career after my first child, and put her in daycare. This would have made life hectic, but I think would have helped my post partum depression and years of feeling lost, although I do cherish the bond with my kids.
Because I didn’t return, I never did go back. Subsequently ended up getting a teaching degree and I’m working now at getting a job as a teacher, which isn’t always easy. However; I always wanted to teach, so now I get that chance…
January 21, 2010 at 10:57 am
I really enjoyed reading your post, Gail, and many of the other ones here. It is very hard for me to decide what I’d really want a “do-over” on. I’ve lived through many things and made decisions that I do question now, but because they’ve shaped me so much, it is hard to imagine not living through them.
I suppose I have two, though. The first would be my long-term relationship with a controlling man. I would say a lot of my debt is due to the fact that in escaping that relationship, I swung to the opposite extreme and become a spendthrift in certain ways as defiance to ten years of being under someone’s thumb.
My other “mulligan” would be turning a blind eye on financial matters, and keeping myself ignorant about money and debt. I really wish I had learned about money much earlier in life, but I always told myself that I didn’t care. Controlling Ex-B/F also told me that I wasn’t good at math and was lazy and stupid, and unfortunately I believed him. Sigh – he was very, very wrong!
January 21, 2010 at 11:07 am
A Mulligan on smoking 10 years ago
January 21, 2010 at 11:18 am
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January 21, 2010 at 11:32 am
Mine would definitely involve education. I wish I tried harder in my last couple years of high school and took more science/math courses rather than English and Arts courses. Then I would have the option to complete degrees that I have actually have interest in, i.e. Health Sciences, Enviro Science.
My biggest one of the week was to find whoever told me to be a teacher and say “no way man”. I remember sitting on the fence about applying and at the last minute I said ok. Did I see myself sitting around 4 years later being told “Sorry, No Thanks” by Principals an average of 2x a day? Nope. I am good at teaching and once I am in the classroom things are A-Ok. However the hoops and waiting that I have to go through to try to get there are beginning to take their toll.
January 21, 2010 at 11:52 am
My mulligan would be to not go out for lunch everyday in high school. Besides my parents still paid for lunch food back then! Looking back now I could have avoided that bank loan just by cutting that.
January 21, 2010 at 11:56 am
I would like to do over an entire year – 2007. My common law spoused passed away end of 2006 and during 2007 I made every wrong decision possible with my life trying to cope – finances, relationships & faith. I didn’t want to deal with my situation because I would have to face the fact that he was gone. Now I find myself wishing I asked for help right away rather than 3 years later.
I also wish they taught Gails ideas in high shcool. My parents never showed me how to make a budget, they said just save your money in a bank account. It wasn’t until 6 months ago when I found debt/part how to make a proper budget.
January 21, 2010 at 1:07 pm
As MP and a few others have said, the Mulligan situations almost had to happen to shape us into the people we are. I also spent a few years being a punching bag, but I so desperately wanted to be a farmer’s wife. Six long years later I married a truck driver – from the extreme of a 24 hour a day spouse to a once every two weeks spouse! (One who came with several thousand dollars in taxes owed BTW) Too many opportunities for him to ‘forget’ he was married. My biggest do-over wish is the $100K I won in the lottery in 1991 – I didn’t have the ‘balls’ to stand up and say no to truck driver hubby’s wish list of things to do to the semi “to secure our future”. Long story short, I got a $1,000 serger sewing machine and the rest – well, long story short, we lost the truck, and almost lost our house, which could have been paid for in full with less than half the winnings!!@#@#$% Another do-over would have been when he decided to quit a job while in Edmonton (we lived in Regina), call me up and tell me to pack up the house and kids, we were moving! That was 16 years ago, I have been back in my home province for 10 years now, minus the excess baggage. Through 14 years of marriage, we never once agreed on a budget; he took what he figured he needed for the road, I got the rest for the household and three sons. Believe me, it never was enough. Thankfully, through Gail’s website, I will never be in a couple situation without knowing all there is to know about each other’s debt, and have the courage to stand up for myself and my own goals and dreams. But, through my past ‘experiences’, I would like to think I have emerged stronger and smarter, and have figured out that the struggles have given me a good background for ‘don’t do that again’. I think I turned out ok after all!
January 21, 2010 at 1:17 pm
My first mulligan was asking the bank for an increase on my credit card in order to get an Avion Visa a year and a half ago. At that time I only had the ability to charge about 3000 between two cards. After that I had 5000 on the VISA and my Mastercard went up to 3900. It didn’t take me long to max out both cards and I’ve yet to get my head above water. I spend a lot of time obsessing over the debt.
My second was signing up for personal training at my gym last summer. That has put me almost a year behind in paying off my debt. And it hasn’t really done me any good. For the first month or so the trainer pushed me really hard and i ended up injuring both of my knees back in August. After 6 weeks of physio (which was paid by blue cross Thank God) my knees still weren’t quite the same. I’ve spent this last 5 months trying to get my strength back in both of my legs. There are still exercises I can’t do and standing/walking for long periods of time leave me in incredible pain. I took a complete break from the gym towards the end of December and my knees have been feeling a little better. But got heavy back in the gym this week and the pain is coming back. But I know that not losing weight is not an option as that over time will also do damage to my knees as well as cause other health problems.
January 21, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Another one for an education mulligan. My parents would only agree to co-sign my loan if I went to university. I didn’t qualify for OSAP. I really wanted to go to college but couldn’t and at 18 didn’t want to support myself. So off to university I went. I graduated with a heap of debt that I managed to pay off quickly eventhough I never worked in my field and barely made minimum wage. Now that college degree is in high demand in my area and I would be making a decent wage. If I could do it over – I would tell my parents to shove it and go to college. Now distance, kids and dh’s health make it nearly impossible – and much harder than it would have been at 18.
My more recent mulligan is not taking a variable rate on our mortgage. I knew it was the thing to do at the time but I was chicken. I can’t even bring myself to do the math on what we would be saving on mortgage interest.
January 21, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Mulligan #1 – I wouldn’t have bought that house in 1989 with a 12.25% interest rate on the mortgage, that I ended up having to sell in 1992 for thousands less than what I bought it for… that experience set me back 10 years finanacially and I wasn’t able to get back into the housing market again till 1999.
Mulligan #2 – When I started having children in 2000, I would have prepared better financially so each maternity leave I took didn’t send me $4000 further into debt in order to “make ends meet”.
Mulligan #3 – When we consolidated our (above noted) $12000 of debt onto our mortgage in 2006 we would have been more aware of living within our means. We might not have racked up another $12000 of debt again over the next 2 years.
Mulligan #4 – which happened in the process of creating that new $12000 of debt from 2006-2008 – we would have lived on cash, thus avoiding $4000 of gas expense on our CC each year, which I blame hubby for doing since he’s the one who always filled up the cars with gas – on his CC, without telling me… of course, if I had half a brain in my head I would have noticed that the money for gas had to come from somewhere… sigh… the result was that we eventually learned that we needed to create and live on a budget.
January 21, 2010 at 1:50 pm
1 – NORTEL
2 – Not take out student loans. I didn’t need them, but thought I could invest in the market, make a killing, then pay back the loans before the interest charges started accruing.
January 21, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I had never heard of mulligans before but what a nice idea. I have 2 mulligans. The first is financial and it was putting an aluminum roof on my house. It not only cost me a fortune which I just paid off last fall but the manufacurer has disappeared along with the warrant and any chance of fixing a paint problem (it could be worse since some of these roofs leak and the owners are on their own). My second mulligan would be life related. When I finished my education I put all my energy and time into my job and getting a higher permanent position. I didn’t have any balance in life, no social life, no dating (2 dates doesn’t count), no hobbies etc…. and it took a toll on my health. One day I got up and coudn’t walk, and was a neurological mess. I am better now but I can no longer work.
The only thing I wouldn’t change about mulligans are the lessons I have learned and how I am a better person now than I was before them.
January 21, 2010 at 2:15 pm
1) Taking too much out on student loans – I was working part-time and I knew I didn’t need all the money the government was giving me, but I spent it on stuff anyways. Still paying it back after 6 years!
2) The ex bf. We did not pay attention to how much we spent EVER and were constantly borrowing from each other and each other’s parents. Also a life do-over since it was really a waste of time being with someone for 5 years and not spending the rest of our lives together.
3) Consolodation loan. I took out a consolodation loan to pay off my credit cards – vowing I would never spend another cent on them again. Not only did I rack my credit cards back up but they increased my limits, so I’m way more in debt now than I was when I took out the loan. HUGE mistake!!!
January 21, 2010 at 3:18 pm
My mulligan would be that I would never have bought a white couch – not with 12 cats, 3 dogs, 2 rabbits and a husband who can make crumbs with Jello. And I certainly would not have bought it on my Eaton’s credit card that was already charging 24% interest back in 1985. The couch ended up costing at least 4 times what it was worth and I was still paying for it for three times longer than it lasted.
My regret is that I never thought to put 10% of our net income aside for savings. Having now found out how completely painless the process is I would be just sick if I thought about how different things would be and how freaking rich we would be. Fortunately I am still great at not thinking.
January 21, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Yay, Maureen is back! Thank you so much for the jello=crumbs husband remark, mine is just as bad, and thank goodness our current flat came with a dark blue couch.
Ahem. Mulligans, right. I guess I only have one, and it’s in the relationship category. Wasted a couple years of my life with a boy (despite him being 22 when we started dating, he was never grown up enough to be called a man) who, while not physically violent, had anger issues and I now believe had the potential for physical violence. Nothing really bad ever happened, but it held me back from growing up on my own. He was very bad at managing money, and I often had to cover his share of the rent with my scholarship and work term earnings. Not that I was great about money then, but at least I understood about earn >> spend.
Maybe if I’d gotten out of that earlier, I’d have been ready to start a family with my husband earlier … I’m 30 now and can feel that clock ticking!
January 21, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Regrets are definitely a time waster but I love the fantasy of a “do-over” so If I could I would:
- I would have bought that foreclosure apartment my dad showed me for $50 000 in 2000. Its worth about $250 000 now. At the time, I didn’t think I would be able to afford to pay for it (I worked part time while at school, but I only had to pay for gas and cell and entertainment and I earned $1600/month, so i could have easily paid for it) So now that we are budgeting for a house around $550 000 I wish I had bought that place, rented it out, and sold it now to increase our downpayment.
- I would have gone to law school after “the illness” instead of deciding to seize the day and opting out of grad school. Yes, I was ill, yes it made me reconsider my goals. But it would have been easier to do it then when I had no responsiblities instead of planning to do it in 2011 when my responsibilities are greater.
Oh well, you can’t know what you want until you know what you don’t want, so here I am.
January 21, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Going on an expensive vacation last month (we had most of the cash) but then have very little money to give to the red cross this month for Haiti. I need to get my priorities in check and need to establish a higher charity account based on our income.
January 21, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Oh I like the idea of Mulligans! I have learned lessons from all the things that I would do – over , but still if given the chance I would re – do them!
1. College Education – I would of paid more attention to my studies rather than “my first love” which he himself made my life alot more difficult than it had to be. I would of also specialized in something rather than taking such a general program.
2. My First Car – I think I paid for that thing 3 times over by how many times I have to repair it. I needed a car (as driving to college in a city from a small town) but could never afford to buy a newer one so I kept putting a couple hundred dollars into every two or three months for the next 3 years.
*** If I could use a Mulligan for something that I had no control over it would TRUMP my first two choices. That would be a car accident I was in 11 years ago when I was 15. I was rear-ended by a man going 70km’s and I was in one of those old-style vans that didn’t have head rests in the back seats. Even though I do not have a “visible” injury I have suffered threw pain and discomfort almost every single day since then from whiplash. I have tried all sorts of treatment none of which makes the pain or headaches go away but makes its slightly more tolerable to the tune of $75 a week (after benefits run out, which is usually by March). It also limits what I am calapable of doing physically. My injury is considered soft-tissue and I consider the new law where there is maximum payout for soft-tissue injury of I think $4000 ridiculous. I spent that on treatments within the first year or two of being injured.
If only I could erase that moment my quality of life would be much more significant. ***
January 21, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Wow. this is a heavy topic. I have LOTS of them.
I think the most important though is that instead of finishing my Kinesiology degree, I would have completed my combined education/kinesiology degree when I was in university. It would have taken an extra year, but I think I would be much better now both with my financial situation and my career/life goals.
January 21, 2010 at 3:59 pm
My mulligan would be the home inspector I hired when I purchased my home which was built in ‘42. Amongst the things in his report was ‘boiler older model but in fine working condition, just requires annual cleaning’ and ‘walls insulated with seaweed.’ Unfortunately he was completely wrong about both! When I got a guy in to clean the boiler he showed me how rusted out it was inside and stated that it would fall apart if he tried to clean it. Later after I froze my way through the first winter I hired a blown-in insulation company to add some insulation to the walls, they discovered that there was no insulation at all. The inspector just guessed what was in the walls based on the age of the home!
Long story short, ask for references and use referrals! I went with a referral from a friend but she used him for a newer home, this guy obviously didn’t have much experience with older homes. Ask, ask, ask! That would be my do-over. Of course I know I’d still buy the hose, I love it! But I’d do it with my eyes wide open and do the fixes before spending $600 a month on heating oil!
One thing I’ve come to realize over the years is that even my worst blunders are not failures. I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made because I have used them as learning experiences. The only time I would consider something a failure is if I don’t learn from the mistake! Luckily I’ve done well and am very happy with the way my life has turned out.
My philosiphy is: ‘without the downs in life, you can’t truly appreciate the ups.’
January 21, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Heinsight is always 20/20!!
Im am fortunate to only be 23 and learning from all of your stories and really taking in Gail. I discovered her last year and its eiser to say you walk in the budget steps that actually do the dance. My life is much more enriched because of all of you on here, a lot of hard work and a mulligan here and there
January 21, 2010 at 4:35 pm
I’m with MP; I can’t truly regret all that I’ve done, because I would not be the better person that I am today.
On the other hand there are things I would have done differently. My boyfriend and I Moved to Ontario from Alberta. I like that we have done it, but the mulligan would be to have done it with less debt, a cushion of savings, and without the used lemon pickup truck that I paid too much for just before we left. We’re still paying off that loan 2 years later, and we don’t even own it anymore.
January 21, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Mulligan #1: Not leaving my first long-term relationship sooner. I don’t regret getting into it, I was 19 and *in lurve*. But when I first discovered he was cheating, I should have kicked his sorry ass to the curb, no second chances (or thirds, or fourths….)
Mulligan #2: Waiting to have kids. When I finally met my fabulous husband, we waited to have kids until we were ‘ready’, . After spending so much time trying to avoid getting pregnant, it never occurred to us that it might not happen first time around! After 3 years, endless emotional agony and serious $$$, our beautiful daughter is here. I now realize we could be just as happy in a 1-bdrm apartment with her – after all, that’s what my parents did with me!
January 21, 2010 at 4:47 pm
My mulligan do-over would be debt! I feel like I’ve been in debt FOREVER (first fulltime job at 18, first credit card at 18, first real debt then!). I’ve done 2 consolodation loans, promising myself I wouldn’t abuse the cards yet again.
In 2007, my lightbulb FINALLY went on, and I realized that I was severely limiting my life by having $37,000 in credit card debt (what can I say – great credit rating, super secure job even in these economic times, decent salary). I buckled down, started tracking my money, paid down almost $20,000 by November 09, then got a lower interest loan from my credit union for the balance. I pay biweekly (on pay days), pay more that the loan agreement is for, make extra payments off the principal as much as I can. I’ve cancelled all but one credit card, and that credit card has a low rate, low limit, AND I’m paying it off every month (I can’t remember when I EVER did that!). My loan term is for 3 years but I’d like to pay it off in two.
It’s taken me 45 years to learn these lessons but I’ve learned them. I would like to buy a house or a condo for myself (lifelong renter since leaving parents house), but I know I need at least 20% down and I know I do not need to have any extra debt hanging over my head when I get a mortgage. I dont’ want to be in the position where I have a place to live but no money for anything else!
January 21, 2010 at 5:02 pm
I wish I had applied for more scholarships, especially for grad school. When I am asked by current students about professional training it’s the first thing I mention to them: a couple of hours of work and then (with luck) free money.
January 21, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Ah…life. Deciding which of Robert Frost’s forks to take is sometimes tough at any age.
My mulligans would be financial. I was married at 20 as well Gail but happily. We’re still perking along 40 year later.
Mulligan #1: Not buying a time share years ago for $9,000. Sounded good at the
time but we only used it once as my health makes it difficult to travel.
It’s gone but we took a total hit.
Mulligan #2: Shaking my head sooner. Why do we when we are young think
everything will be better down the road? “When we’re (fill in the age
here) we’ll be financially solvent”. Financial decision are always in the
back of your mind, but, it took finding Gail to finally let it sink in. It’s
getting dark out!
January 21, 2010 at 5:38 pm
Welcome back, Maureen!!!! Where ya been? I think I speak for a lot of us, we missed you!~!
January 21, 2010 at 5:41 pm
My mulligan would be to listen to myself and stop trying to be a ppl pleaser. I have been through 5 different full time jobs in 5 years – none of which made me happy or was passionate about.
I did it because I wanted to keep up with the Joneses.
Had to have a job that everyone else in my engineering class would be impressed with. Had to have the high pay, 50+ hour work week, fancy schmancy title and bragging rights for my parents.
Now I work for myself and am in a field that is a complete 180 from what I was taught to do in school. I’m 1000x happier and wish I took this path sooner. Who cares what other ppl think. Only you know what’s best for you!
January 21, 2010 at 6:39 pm
My mulligan would be to have not fallen for a work at home scheme. My hubby agreed to do this together with me…. alas it never worked out. After too much money spent and not enough in returns, we refinanced our mortgage. That has put us 5 years behind in paying it off. Oh well we have certainly become better at managing our money. We are debt free except for our mortgage, hoping to have it paid off in 10 years.
January 21, 2010 at 8:17 pm
Obviously I would have won the lottery if I could go back in time. But for more realistic do-overs, I would have met my husband a lot sooner. I would have done my diplomas in reverse order, the second one first, it would have been much better for my career. But then I may not have met my husband and he’s worth any job trouble I may have had.
Some awful things were absolutely necessary, to teach me powerful lessons very well, so for those I am actually grateful.
January 21, 2010 at 9:14 pm
We married young (20/23) and just passed 25yrs so that worked out fine despite my parent’s initial concerns. We immediately bought a little townhouse and my grandmother held the mortgage. At the time it was the only way we could to it since we had no savings and I wasn’t working yet. We foolishly paid interest only to keep the payments low, so I guess that was the first poor decision. I was still in university and my husband had only been working for 2yrs and really had no savings, although he’d repaid whatever money his parents loaned him to get through college. At least he had no debt baggage. I got married straight from my parents house where they’d been paying for everything so I was also debt free.
Our real mulligan was totally my doing – I had big plans when it came to the “dream house” I wanted. Funny thing is my husband wouldn’t see this as a mulligan at all. He’d think it was the best decision every and is quite happy. We saved like mad people, put off having kids until I was 31 and 38 respectively, and really had no “fun” in our 20s. We bought a lot, sold the townhouse and moved into my parents basement for nearly 2 years while finished the house enough to move in. We just had to be DIYers rather than just buy finished house like normal people. We built way bigger than we needed because we saved so much doing it ourselves. Yes we have a lovely big place in the country that’s worth ~$500k compared to the $200k it cost to build. The kids are now 15 and 8 and we’re using most but not all of the space. In hindsight we could have been just as happy in a far smaller place. We took years to finish it because we like doing it ourselves but really don’t have the time. We delayed having our kids for a decade because we knew building with toddlers underfoot wouldn’t work. Yup, in hindsight we should either have had fun in our 20s or had the kids sooner, and then just bought a finished house of a reasonable size and gotten on with life. It took at least an extra decade to get where we are and now I’m thinking it’s almost time to downsize which really isn’t sitting well with DH after we put so much sweat equity into getting here. I’m trying to compromise and suggest we sell in 10yrs when the youngest is 18 and heading to college or university. I’m hoping that’s enough time for him to get comfortable with the idea.
My fear is that in 10yrs I’ll be thinking this decision was another mulligan… “remember when we could have sold in 2010 before gas went up to $8 a litre and then nobody wanted to live way out in the country”…. If anyone has figured out how to tell if you’re in the middle of creating the next mulligan, please tell me.
January 21, 2010 at 11:22 pm
I have two. My biggest is all the debt I racked up in college that I’m still paying for ten years later. I had the ‘meh’ attitude that I could buy now and worry later. Now I get to pay off ’stuff’ and don’t have a lot to show for it.
My other mulligan would be to learn young about finances. It frustrates me that our public school system does not teach children how to care for their money and how truly valuable it is. And how senseless debt can be. No one in my family is really responsible when it comes to money and I’m learning it all on my own. I’m glad I am learning but I could’ve taken a better path to get there sooner. I try to pass on my learning’s though to anyone who’ll listen because it’s important.
But the positive is I’m making huge strides and coming out on top, and I’ll never let myself have that mountain of debt again! No regrets.
January 21, 2010 at 11:41 pm
My do over would be the career field I found myself in. It is not the field I would have chosen but because I had a child at 18 and had to support him I took what I could. Years later I was fortune to be in a position where the company paid for me to go back to school as I had been in the position acting for so long. The only thing is, it is not what I really want to do but now life (debt) is in the way to get out and go the route I wanted to from the start. So I would have asked for assistance with my son and went back to school for what I wanted to do in the beginning making a life for us but perhaps at a little slower pace.
January 22, 2010 at 12:40 am
My do-over would be the business I started and refused to promote. What was with that? Really, not a good call.
And if I could share a piece of wisdom, it would be that it’s better to try and fail than not to try at all. Cliche, yes. But also true.
January 22, 2010 at 1:58 am
Mulligan #1: I wouldn’t have jumped into going to college right after high school just because my parents pressured me to. I ended up dropping out after 2 years with no diploma or degree.
Mulligan #2: I wouldn’t have gone to University right after getting married (happily, at age 20) simply because my mom freaked out that I got married so young and would never go back to school. We had to move to a nearby big city and rented a house that we couldn’t afford, and my husband had to commute back to the smaller city for work still. I dropped out after a semester because I hated the courses I was taking. We moved back to the smaller city a few months later and rented a cheaper place.
I can’t say I regret college/university, but looking back, I shouldn’t have enrolled simply because my parents told me I wouldn’t be successful unless I went to school. I ended up with decent jobs, and now my husband and I own and run two successful businesses.
January 22, 2010 at 2:41 am
[...] Vaz-Oxlade asks What Your Mulligan Be? in the area of personal finance. I have far too many of those I’d like to forget, but glad to [...]
January 22, 2010 at 10:41 am
My mulligan would be not listening to my gutt feeling when I was signing my name onto a mortgage with an ex-boyfriend. BUT, at the same time, the results taught me a lot about myself and helped be become the person I am.
We all have a path & plan, my mulligans have become strong roots in my path that keep me grounded and remind me to make better choices along the way.
January 22, 2010 at 1:23 pm
#1 would probably been not budgeting and wasting money away
#2 I probablys spent too much on my wedding
January 22, 2010 at 5:51 pm
My mulligan is financial – I started a home-based business a few years ago and got caught up in my Sale’s Director’s ideas on how much inventory I should carry. Long story, short: I invested in too much product (borrowed the $$ from my brother) without the sales to pay for it all. I wound up $15K in debt with a bunch of skin care and cosmetics that I wound up giving away as gifts when I got out of the biz. I am still paying off the loan to my brother 4 years later – last installment will be in April – Woo Hoo!
I don’t regret getting in to the business- it was a great learing experience and I met some incredible women that I am good friends with to this day. My do-over would be to not have invested in so much inventory.
January 22, 2010 at 6:18 pm
Like another poster above, I went crazy spending money I shouldn’t have after 14 years of marriage to a very controlling man. I’ve learned my lesson now and am on track to be debt-free by the end of this year, but it’s been a long hard road. Other than that I have no real regrets.
January 22, 2010 at 7:20 pm
Funny, I think if I could do things over, I would actually take more risks.
From a young age, I’ve watched family members go through very bad debt situations, and I’ve been determined not to put my self in the same sitaution. I’m also a “planner” by nature. As a result, I’ve taken things slowly and planned things out, hoping to never get in over our heads. In general, the approach has worked out very well. However, in hind-sight I would:
1) Take just a bit more risk and use a variable rate mortgage. The key here is that we could have easily absorbed the extra payments needed if the rates went up – so we were too conservative by locking in. We’ve paid a lot more interest than necessary by taking the conservative road.
That said, I’d strongly recommend to most new home buyers that they do lock their rate in (’specially now), since most are cash strapped when they first buy.
2) Would have invested more – either in the markets or in real estate. Again, have probably erred on the side of a bit too conservative / cautious.
Two things I’m really glad I did was to (1) purchase real estate (that I could easily afford) in my late 20’s. We were lucky to buy before the market went up, but even if it hadn’t increased, it was a good move on our part.
(2) Solid education in a field that has many jobs. I was very lucky to have good advice & good mentors to help guide me in my early choices. I worked and studied so much in my mid-20’s that I must admit I feel I lost out a little bit on life, but I know feel the hard worked paid off and I can coast a bit more now.
January 22, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Hi Alison and Suzanne – I am happy to be back but have so much reading to catch up on! I just love this mulligan blog and the more I read the more do-overs I can relate to and empathize with. I was on bed rest for a few weeks (tried to stretch it out to a few months but the stupid doctor says I can assume normal activities like vacuuming and laundry. Like he knows. Cough. Cough. I am going to get his medical license revoked – obviously a quack.) and I have to say I do not know how so many people can work on the computer while lying down or sitting cross-legged on the floor. I have to use a dozen extension cords and my monitor keeps falling over so it is just not do-able. Should get a lap top.
January 22, 2010 at 9:21 pm
I would buy a car for cash, rather than financing it, and I’d be careful to purchase a fuel-efficient model rather than a gas guzzler. Maybe not a hybrid, but at least something that get’s good gas mileage. Spending money on gas is like throwing it away.
January 22, 2010 at 10:36 pm
#1 Not taking the advice of my best friend’s father and buying the little house next to theirs. At the time I wanted to travel rather than pay a mortgage. The downtown property would have cost me very little at the time and I could have turned around and made a very good profit a few years later like the people who did buy it did. Very short-sighted of me.
#2 Not Nortel but another kind of investment that didn’t pan out. Wish that money were in my RRSP or savings account.
and #3 a sort of mulligan: That I bought a car instead of doing a 6 month working holiday in Australia. But if I had gone I may not of ended up with the job I have (which I love) so I’m not so regretful about it now.
January 23, 2010 at 1:54 pm
#1 Trying to take on more than I can handle has definitely cost me a lot! Attempting to complete too many CGA courses at once while working crazy hours in public practice and raising a toddler has lead me to dropping courses that I couldn’t handle only to have to pay for them again the next year! At a $1,000 a course and not to mention the numerous late assignment fees that I have paid over the last couple of years, I could have saved myself a bundle by sitting down and setting out realistic goals for myself!!! At least I know that once I am a designated professional (CGAs are equal to CAs here in BC) I will be making more money to make up for this mulligan!
#2 Moving in with the loser I dated for 3 years while in university and allowing him to mooch off of me! I was fortunate enough to have my parents flip the bill for my university education, so I have no student loans, but they would also have happily paid for my living expenses as well, if I hadn’t chose to live with this loser and let him mooch off of me. Basically I ended up working full-time while also going to school full-time only to have him spend all the money I made while sitting on his ass and doing very little or partying (he dropped out & didn’t work)!!! Luckily I still managed to graduate with my B.Comm and the highest GPA in my grad class and immediately left his sorry ass behind me, but I could have had A LOT more fun while in university if I hadn’t been so blind about him in the first place!!!
Especially knowing how fortunate I was to have parents that are willing and able to support me, I know realise how lucky I am and hope I can help my daughter avoid a guy related mulligan in her youth!!!
January 23, 2010 at 4:55 pm
#1 I received some really horrible advice about saving money in university. A prof told us to take our co-op savings and put it into an RRSP, so we’d have it for the next term. Of course I lost about half the money I’d saved in early withdrawal fees and taxes. I would like to go back and tell that girl I used to be to put the money in a GIC.
#2 I also wish I’d worked harder in second year. I managed to hang on to my scholarship in first year, but lost it after second year by only about 5%.
#3 I wish I had just paid the $20 c.c. balance I carried for … two, three years? in university. Stupid. So very stupid.
There are a few others. I have no regrets about all these things, because now I can tell my students “Look, here are all the mistakes I made. Don’t you make them too.”
January 23, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Mine? Definitely scholastic. I’d have buckled down in high school, no matter how boring it was and then gone directly to college, instead of pissing away 3 years. Then I’d have NOT taken what I did in college – I like computers, the field I chose is so horribly oversubscribed the only job I could find in my field paid as much as an experienced burger flipper at the fast food joint down the street.
The only other thing I did wrong was assuming my husband had a clue about finances. He didn’t. I left it up to him to manage things while I was in school and it was so badly managed. Credit cards and overdrafts, it was completely terrible. I should have taken the reins a long time ago. Now that I have the debt is slowly disappearing.
January 23, 2010 at 10:13 pm
Two Mulligans:
1) Wasted my talents at university: I succeeded in completing two degrees in 5 years concurrently. Sounds great, right? Like many others, I didn’t study hard enough or focus and my marks were abysmal. With better marks, I would had more options after. Even though I have a fantastic job now, I wish every day that I worked harder at school.
2) Hubby & I bought a timeshare in 2004. We have to pay until 2044, we will be in our sixties and STILL owing for this d*** thing. We were pressured into it, without even realizing that they were pressuring us. A few days later, once our heads had cleared, we tried to cancel the contract but were threatened with a lawsuit. We pride ourselves on being level-headed and good with money but we just got suckered. That would be a marital Mulligan.
Amazing.
January 26, 2010 at 3:21 am
wow i’m amazed at the number of school related mulligans, makes me feel a little less alone.
my mulligan would have to be my choice of major in university, i chose something i thought was “interesting” without knowing how little the jobs paid, how non-progressive the companies would be how specialized i am now. its really hard for me to find a job and this industry operates on a low profit margin. if i could re-do it, i would go get a commerce degree or nursing, something where there are larger companies, room to move around and grow and options…
January 31, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Good post, thank you! I really love it!