Comments on: Fuzzy Focus

By: wes

wes — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:00:01 +0000

Wow, it’s nice to see others with the same “issues”. I’m 50 and can’t seem to get it right. I’m either to worried about Money generally or as my wife says “not paying attention at all” I love my job and do well, but it’s my life that is in issue. We are trying to start again, but it is hard to get out of the fuzzy head i’m stuck in! I know I have to step forward and just start , but ……….. Thanks Gail. If I have to go through this post & blog everyday to try to start I guess I have to!

‘

By: Sharon

Sharon — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 08:21:03 +0000

This is what I have. Right now. I think my SO is feeling this way as well. I have experience in retail, hospitality, and manufacturing. I am trained in hospitality management and driving (AZ ontario commercial licence). There’s not a lot of hiring in any of those areas, so I’ve been drifting for a while as a temp worker.

At the moment , I’m kinda-sorta thinking real estate or helping others in my situation. Home inspector, real estate agent, book keeper, accountant. And because of current debt levels, I find myself limited.

All I can think is, this year has been better than the last, and the next will be better still, so if we can hang on, our optins will change.

By: Sunshine Bud

Sunshine Bud — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 06:24:17 +0000

Wow! Great comments… I went to private school for a few yrs. Home sschooling witch was okay until I couldn’t teach & understand the subjects. I took a florist certificate in high school wicth than I found out most flower shops wanted to teach u with the way they did it… And didn’t willy want to see extra schooling I took. Got married at 21 than just expected to have kids but they still haven’t come along. Finallly accepted it!! Stress at another pt florist got to the top ofit all.. Let that dream aside ( even though it was my Moms dream to continue in it..) now still a Homemaker with another pt job as the humble job delivering flyers.. ( that’s right
everyone who reads this flyers. U don’t make anuf
money in first month until u know ur houses n route
than I make a good salary. I enjoy it alot!) Couldn’t
handle anymore stress of what owner n customers bought into the door, since hubby bought home his share of stress of his work. I get my exercise, feel healther hubby helps with pt job and enjoys fresh air since his always working inside. Stress level of job gone like not much of it exit. Mom not happy that I don’t continue in florist career but we’re happy & that’s what matter most since we live with each other. Now we r paying debt off n keeping it off to be more a head in live than living pay tooo pay…

It’s amazing how kids leave upto parents expectations untill we move out n find our own way in world.
To all u parents out there! Its not the degree witch make ur kid happy is finding the right job that he/she seem right in! Now I’m 28 n switch from being a florist that with all the stress. I’m happier even though I know it bothers my Mom that I don’t practice as florist & older sis who thinks that to get a goodp
paying job u need a degree in something which u don’t. It’s just a greet idea of the world we live in today. That really u learn the career on the job. My hubby is a trademan with out a college education n he has brains but u dont need college degree in somethings in live just patience to learn on job n slowly climb ladder.

By: AnnieA

AnnieA — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:19:48 +0000

Rainbow, perhaps you can talk to a counselor about your career path, or other topics. If there isn’t a counselor perhaps then a friend who is sensible and a good listener…

By: Adrian

Adrian — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 05:38:10 +0000

Beautifully-written Gail.

Falsely-lulling oursleves into the comfort of what we have come to accept as just “our life” or “the way things are/ always have been” could be as much of a slight sense of comfort as a greater source of discontentment.

I find that in North American society, we’re often encouraged to simply “go with the tides” because it’s what “other people are doing” but in regards to establishing our own identity, I find that that way of life simply isn’t good enough.

We’ve been given this chance on Earth — this ONE chance — to truly live up to our full potential and to find what genuinely satisfies us inside-out, so that once we reach a certain level of contentment, we can do the same with others, helping them on their own personal journeys to self-discovery.

So here’s to taking charge of our destiny!

By: Rita

Rita — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 03:06:20 +0000

I had the fuzzies when I finished high school. The only thing I knew for sure was that in spite of good grades, that I had no interest in going to university. Not wanting to be a burden on my parents, I started work the first month after I graduated at a job I thought would be enjoyable. But by year three I hated my job. I took a few months off and ended up being hired on the first job interview I went to. I had never ever considered working in that particular field but decades later I’m still in the same career. I was lucky I found a job that I love, that has never bored me, employers that were super, and co-workers that for the most part were/are terrific.

I am considering a job change when my employer retires in a few years. I have a case of the fuzzies whenever I think about this, but I know I need to start mapping out some possibilities now as to what I want to do. It’s unlikely I’ll be so lucky as to twice in my life drift into the perfect job.

My problem has always been that I have too many interests and it is hard to settle on a particular course. Also the older one gets the more one has to consider if the retraining is worth the investment if one is planning on retiring in 10 years.

By: Spicyeggplant

Spicyeggplant — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 02:53:35 +0000

Another “late bloomer” chiming in…

As best as a childless person can, I appreciate the fear that parents have wanting to get their children established…but honestly very few people have a super clear perspective on exactly what they want to do for The Rest of Their Life when they are in their late teens/early twenties.

After careening around from job to job and degree to degree I’ve found my passion now. But that time wasn’t wasted. It was crucial. Until you get out there, fail a bit, get your hands messy etc. it is all hypothetical. Self awareness really must be earned though finding yourself in situations where you can clearly say, “this is SO not me”.

From my experience – the best gift a parent of an early twenty year old can give to their struggling child is the belief that everyone has a place in this world. Some of us just take a little longer to get there.

Those are my thoughts anyways – much love to all you great parents out there.

By: Jean

Jean — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 02:42:29 +0000

Gail, hubby and I watched back to back episodes on Slice this weekend and I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you being you. There is no fuzzy in who you are, here on your blog and on the show. While that may only be a glimpse of who you are, what I see is someone who really calls people forth into their best selves. You ask tough questions of people, around their values and their dreams, and help people see that they can achieve them. As a coach myself, I consider you more than a money maven, you are a financial goddess and coach extraodinaire. We, your fans and followers, get to experience the defuzzing of our own lives by your measure of being true to yourself and calling on us to be the same.

Great blog, and I am thankful for the universe that you blogged this today. Very timely for me.

By: Michelle(2)

Michelle(2) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:54:31 +0000

Sometimes the ‘fuzzies’ are just a way to sit and wait it out for some though. It’s not necessarily about the mass confusion that comes with deciding a career, a school, a new career, a new job, paying off debt, whatever. It’s just a way to catch your breath first. I feel like every career choice I’ve made has been about opportunities that arose when I stopped fighting the wind, so I’m learning that fuzzy is a good thing in my life nowadays. I need 5 year plans for so much in life, and none of them ever come to fruition, so now I’m happy to bob along these days, work my good enough job, pay off my good enough debts, and wait for inspiration to slap me upside-the-head, likely as my own children are heading off to new experiences. I think I’ll try to live vicariously through them for the first bit though, before I live like a wandering gypsy and my husband thinks I’ve lost my last marble!

By: an ostrich named sam

an ostrich named sam — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:32:09 +0000

From the ages of 17 to 22 I floundered. I hated university and wanted to leave at Christams my first year. I begged my parents not to send me back, they sent me back and wouldn’t let me quit. I flunked out instead, as I had no motivation for being there. Went back to the same University a few years later and hated it again. So I dropped out and worked full time, still floundering in the world. At 22 I had my only child, and ended up graduating from a different University a few years later. I so desperatly wanted to go to school in Ontario after graduation, but chose the safe route career wise, and the decision to rasie my only child close to her extended family.
I ended up in a job that I liked at first, but slowly began to feed into the negatitivty that surrounded me and ended up suffering from major bout of depression. Things changed for me, when I decided to focus on the positive sides of my job. I changed my attitude at work, and those I spent my time with while working. Fast forward a few years later and a huge career change, all because I chose not to sit on the sidelines at work, complaining about this that and the other thing. The ironic part of the story, I’m in the career that I wanted whe I was 17. My only child gradautes fro high school thing year and I’m encouraging her to do what she is passionate about. Fingers crossed she listens to her mom. So a former flounder is saying at the age of 40, if I did it, so can you!

By: Diana

Diana — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:33:45 +0000

Leslie,
As the mother of an unfocussed son (21) I empathize wholeheartedly.
He dutifully went to the local university the first year. We let him take his second year off and he dutifully returned last year.
He simply doesn’t know what to take and it breaks my heart because he is REALLY smart but really only has a passion for playing the guitar.
Since I don’t feel I worked hard as a single mother for 12yrs to have raised a busker, it really p#*#*#s me off.
We sent him to Europe this fall (in lieu of a semester of school) with the hopes he would find a path.
I cross my fingers that he will find a way and that I will find in my heart to support him in his decision even if it is not my “brag worthy” motherly path I had so dreamed.
It just irks me so much when he has been afforded so much more support ($ and moral) than I had been at his age. I just want him to take advantage of it while he can. (He does acknowledge and is appreciative of this support).
I try and give him some slack. We still enjoy him around and he isn’t afraid to work to get his spending $$, and is well aware that he will now have to cough up for rent.
I just have to let go of my dreams and let him follow his own.
I take comfort in the knowledge that most of his decisions these days are not life-altering. He may just take a more circuitous path.
Hang in there.

By: Rainbow

Rainbow — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:02:49 +0000

Fuzzy focus must be definitely the problem I am experiencing right now – I am discouraged by everything around and have this overwhelming feeling of helpnessness and being trapped. I have some vague ideas what I would like to do but I can’t see how I could achieve these things. Last years (or I should say all these years here in Canada because I am in fact a newcomer and to be honest I don’t really know when I stop to perceive myself this way) instead of being best years of my life are rather one of the worst. Time is passing but I haven’t been able to figure out most of the things for myself and unresolved they keep coming to the surface. I don’t feel good at all about where I am as an individual, employee, woman, daugther, sister etc. I am so confused and lost, I try not to think too much about some things because probably I would drive myself insane but I am aware that it doesn’t help me at all, the problems/issues remain unsolved and I am emotionally and mentally in the middle of nowhere. I hate all these feelings and I feel really unhappy (probably I just don’t want to admit it to myself).

By: Leslie P

Leslie P — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:49:24 +0000

This post is well timed for our house. We just had a big discussion with our 20 year old son about him hating the course (accounting) that he is in at College. He said it made him physically sick to think about doing this for a living and he could barely get to school. The problem is he first said this to us in October. We told him to research what other courses there were at the college, the requirements and whether he could switch into one of them for the winter semester. Fast forward to December and he still hates the course but has done nothing to figure out what else he could take/transfer to. The problem is he has these ideas (like he inquired about broadcasting school and the school has called him 3 times and he has not returned their calls.) But when you talk to him about whether or not he is returning to school next semester (we are paying) he says he may drop out that semester and work to get togther the money to take this broadcasting course (in the states and he would need reliable transportation that we cannot/will not pay for) as well as he would need a loan because we can’t pay for that either. Now he hasn’t even called them back to see if he qualifies or if the course actually interests him but he is making life altering decisions based on nothing. So while my heart is breaking that he is floundering right now and I sure don’t want him in school doing something he hates I feel frustrated that he’s avoiding putting the work into researching his decisions or fulfilling his goals. I know we have to let them make their own mistakes but I feel a plan like “I’ll drop out of school, get a full time job, and save money until I know what I want” is just foolish when he hasn’t put any work into it and he knows full well the job situation here is bleak.
I don’t know how to get through to him that simply saying something will not make it come true. Hard work is required. I envision further battles about him not working and lying around because there is very little work available here.
Thanks for allowing me to vent.

By: michelle

michelle — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:31:02 +0000

hmm, speaking of focus…we just had a 7 year old boy here in cape breton missing since saturday. he has autism and from what i understand he barely speaks, we had a beautiful day here on saturday and this is what he was dressed for. on sunday we had blizzard-like conditions as well as all morning. they found his dog late this morning – which allowed them to find the boy 1.5 km from his home in the woods unconscious but with a faint pulse and was airlifted to the children’s hospital in halifax. he’s still in critical condition. we sometimes get so consumed with things that we forget and lose “focus” of what is really important…

just thought i would add that today – puts things in perspective just before christmas – it’s not about what’s under/around/on top of/outside of the tree…

have a very merry christmas everyone!

By: Amber

Amber — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 19:46:01 +0000

Brilliant and well-said. For my first 33 years I lived my life a certain way because I was ’supposed’ to. I was good, and I was very good at being good. But it wasn’t what I actually wanted. Now I am giving myself the freedom to discover that, and it’s liberating.

I am thankful that I’ve been sufficiently responsible with finances that I can give myself this gift. Pursuing my passion would be considerably harder without money in the bank.