Comments on: Happy Is as Happy Does http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248 Thu, 17 May 2012 04:30:15 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Your Life Balance Sheet | Balance Junkie http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-30648 Your Life Balance Sheet | Balance Junkie Tue, 13 Apr 2010 09:39:33 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-30648 [...] in order to achieve better results. Late last year, Gail Vaz-Oxlade wrote a great article called Happy Is as Happy Does. It’s amazing how powerful positive thinking can be when we let it. At the same time, we need [...] [...] in order to achieve better results. Late last year, Gail Vaz-Oxlade wrote a great article called Happy Is as Happy Does. It’s amazing how powerful positive thinking can be when we let it. At the same time, we need [...]

]]> By: 20 Cents From December 2009 | Balance Junkie http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-24269 20 Cents From December 2009 | Balance Junkie Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:53:23 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-24269 [...] Vaz-Oxlade had a nice post titled Happy Is As Happy Does.  It was a great reminder of the importance of attitude in everything we [...] [...] Vaz-Oxlade had a nice post titled Happy Is As Happy Does.  It was a great reminder of the importance of attitude in everything we [...]

]]> By: Heather B http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20882 Heather B Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:14:54 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20882 SMILE! It will make people wonder what you're up to!! ;) SMILE! It will make people wonder what you’re up to!! ;)

]]> By: Frugalistas.blogspot.com http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20868 Frugalistas.blogspot.com Mon, 07 Dec 2009 16:41:59 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20868 We've stopped posting, as we are expecting our 3rd child... Our family is living a very contented lifestyle. Low maintenance = happiness. We’ve stopped posting, as we are expecting our 3rd child…

Our family is living a very contented lifestyle. Low maintenance = happiness.

]]> By: Akira http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20858 Akira Mon, 07 Dec 2009 12:40:00 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20858 Thanks Diana. We invest our time with our kids and each other. Your kids are not going to grow up happy thinking about all the great things you bought them, but rather that you spent time with them and were active in their lives. Thanks Diana. We invest our time with our kids and each other. Your kids are not going to grow up happy thinking about all the great things you bought them, but rather that you spent time with them and were active in their lives.

]]> By: Susan http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20840 Susan Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:44:45 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20840 As per usual, Gail is right on!!Our present North American culture has substituted the "joy of shopping" for many "old-fashioned" past times which did not cost any money. We are bombarded daily that true happiness will be found at the end of the rainbow--the mall, the online store site, or, the ultimate pot of gold--winning a lottery. My mother was a refugee from World War 11 and lost all her personal possessions and family due to the invasion of the Russian army in to one of the Baltic States. All of my years of life she observed that our society was turning into a "too much" society where people owned all kinds of stuff, but were still not happy. Keep up with your good work Gail--slowly but surely, maybe we can hammer in the message that shopping to be happy is not a necessity but a luxury and does not bring lasting happiness. As per usual, Gail is right on!!Our present North American culture has substituted the “joy of shopping” for many “old-fashioned” past times which did not cost any money. We are bombarded daily that true happiness will be found at the end of the rainbow–the mall, the online store site, or, the ultimate pot of gold–winning a lottery. My mother was a refugee from World War 11 and lost all her personal possessions and family due to the invasion of the Russian army in to one of the Baltic States. All of my years of life she observed that our society was turning into a “too much” society where people owned all kinds of stuff, but were still not happy. Keep up with your good work Gail–slowly but surely, maybe we can hammer in the message that shopping to be happy is not a necessity but a luxury and does not bring lasting happiness.

]]> By: MP http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20830 MP Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:00:38 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20830 Anne, congratulations! Losing weight is as difficult a life change as losing our dependence on credit. But every dietician will tell you if you deprive yourself to severely of the food you like, chances are you will rebel, binge and regain the weight. That's why Gail's program is so successful - it builds in entertainment and clothing and gifts. Because she knows if you swing too far in the other direction - from overspending to not spending at all - chances are eventually you or your family will resent it, and revert back to bad habits. Just like losing weight, it's all about balance. Once we can accept that we can have that indulgence when we can pay for it (or in case of weight loss when it's in moderation), then we've made the turn. It sounds like you're afraid of returning to old habits - perhaps that's what's making you feel guilty about spending even on essentials. Or maybe you're worried because you haven't got the emergency fund you want yet. Or today's economy is making you nervous. I know I am. You've done great. Remember it's about balance! Anne, congratulations! Losing weight is as difficult a life change as losing our dependence on credit. But every dietician will tell you if you deprive yourself to severely of the food you like, chances are you will rebel, binge and regain the weight. That’s why Gail’s program is so successful – it builds in entertainment and clothing and gifts. Because she knows if you swing too far in the other direction – from overspending to not spending at all – chances are eventually you or your family will resent it, and revert back to bad habits.
Just like losing weight, it’s all about balance. Once we can accept that we can have that indulgence when we can pay for it (or in case of weight loss when it’s in moderation), then we’ve made the turn.
It sounds like you’re afraid of returning to old habits – perhaps that’s what’s making you feel guilty about spending even on essentials. Or maybe you’re worried because you haven’t got the emergency fund you want yet. Or today’s economy is making you nervous. I know I am.
You’ve done great. Remember it’s about balance!

]]> By: Diana http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20829 Diana Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:55:42 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20829 Akira, If your family is happy and can spend time doing things together then your life is rich and that is what everyone is seeking, unfortunately most of them are seeking it in the mall. You've known the secret all along. Akira,
If your family is happy and can spend time doing things together then your life is rich and that is what everyone is seeking, unfortunately most of them are seeking it in the mall.
You’ve known the secret all along.

]]> By: Akira http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20823 Akira Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:25:46 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20823 I've never had a credit card in my life. I do have a debit card but I plan for everything well in advance. My husband and I are quite poor....between us we only bring in $1700 (US) dollars a month, yet we have no debt and always have our bills paid and the things we need. Gail is right about prioritizing. We compiled a list a long time ago of free or nearly free things to do with our kids on the weekends. We don't get to do the things (or have as nice of things) that others do, but we are happy. We know people who make a lot more than us, but are mired in debt and are consumed by worry and stress. I’ve never had a credit card in my life. I do have a debit card but I plan for everything well in advance. My husband and I are quite poor….between us we only bring in $1700 (US) dollars a month, yet we have no debt and always have our bills paid and the things we need. Gail is right about prioritizing. We compiled a list a long time ago of free or nearly free things to do with our kids on the weekends. We don’t get to do the things (or have as nice of things) that others do, but we are happy. We know people who make a lot more than us, but are mired in debt and are consumed by worry and stress.

]]> By: *pol http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20816 *pol Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:19:01 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20816 Gail, this post did SO WELL to get me off my procrastinating duff that it took me two days to read it -- because I kept getting up to finish some chore I was putting off, or paying a bill, or helping the kids with homework, etc, etc. I am really trying to get the kids to grab the unpleasant chores and "get them overwith" especially homework assignments! They got their report cards yesterday, and they weren't pretty. I am not sure what the teachers or I can do to impress the seriousness of their attitudes toward work and how it will affect their adult lives!!! Hopefully there is still time for the light to come on. Gail, this post did SO WELL to get me off my procrastinating duff that it took me two days to read it — because I kept getting up to finish some chore I was putting off, or paying a bill, or helping the kids with homework, etc, etc.

I am really trying to get the kids to grab the unpleasant chores and “get them overwith” especially homework assignments! They got their report cards yesterday, and they weren’t pretty. I am not sure what the teachers or I can do to impress the seriousness of their attitudes toward work and how it will affect their adult lives!!! Hopefully there is still time for the light to come on.

]]> By: Maureen http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20806 Maureen Sat, 05 Dec 2009 18:20:50 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20806 Anne: First off congratulations on the fantastic weight loss. You should be so proud. I have been a life long yoyo fatty except for the last time I lost the weight so I know the work involved and how wonderful it feels. Now, I don't know if you need a shrink or not. I did but that is another story. ha! I also went through a period when I felt guilty about spending on anything even necessities that we had cash for. I don't know if this has been a life long thing for you or not but for me it was definitely a NEW thing. Before we got Gail-vanized I never thought twice about spending. We set up a budget so had cash for all our needs and once we were consumer debt free and were saving for emergencies and retirement we also set up a planned spending account. Now this should have made it easy to spend the money that we had specifically saved for special things but this is when I started to hyperventilate and get cramps in my hand when signing a cheque or trying to open my wallet. Looking back I now know that this was fear, pure and simple. Fear that we would not be able to stay the course, would end up back in debt and/or have an emergency that the we didn't have enough money for. In other words I just didn't trust myself. It got so bad that I couldn't even buy a coffee or chocolate bar (my celebration every time I lost 5 more pounds) without feeling guilty - like I really should have put that money to better use. The way I got around this was simple. First I increased our emergency savings by $20 a month (eventually raised that to $50 as times got better). Next I started doubling. If I spent $1 for a chocolate bar or other indulgence like a lottery ticket I put an extra dollar into a special jar. We use this jar to buy dog and cat toys for the Humane Society. Made me feel noble to spend. In our budget we have money for clothes, house, miscellaneous, entertainment etc. Every time I would spend from these categories I would feel awful. Like I was being foolish. Da. You have to have underwear! So to finally get over the guilt of spending money on myself I simply made sure that I only ever spent half of what was in the category. For example when the Hubster needed new shirts we had $200 saved up in the clothes budget. We spent $100. Never having a zero balance in any category is very comforting. A nice little cushion. These were just games that I played with myself but it helped me to learn to be comfortable with spending again. This is very similar to what you have to do after you finish losing the weight. You have to learn to eat without over indulging , maintain and be comfortable with your choices. For both our debt and my weight I went through a diet, then a maintenance program and now I am just living normally and am confident that I know how to handle both money and a chocolate bar. Anne: First off congratulations on the fantastic weight loss. You should be so proud. I have been a life long yoyo fatty except for the last time I lost the weight so I know the work involved and how wonderful it feels.

Now, I don’t know if you need a shrink or not. I did but that is another story. ha! I also went through a period when I felt guilty about spending on anything even necessities that we had cash for. I don’t know if this has been a life long thing for you or not but for me it was definitely a NEW thing. Before we got Gail-vanized I never thought twice about spending.

We set up a budget so had cash for all our needs and once we were consumer debt free and were saving for emergencies and retirement we also set up a planned spending account.

Now this should have made it easy to spend the money that we had specifically saved for special things but this is when I started to hyperventilate and get cramps in my hand when signing a cheque or trying to open my wallet. Looking back I now know that this was fear, pure and simple. Fear that we would not be able to stay the course, would end up back in debt and/or have an emergency that the we didn’t have enough money for. In other words I just didn’t trust myself. It got so bad that I couldn’t even buy a coffee or chocolate bar (my celebration every time I lost 5 more pounds) without feeling guilty – like I really should have put that money to better use.

The way I got around this was simple. First I increased our emergency savings by $20 a month (eventually raised that to $50 as times got better). Next I started doubling. If I spent $1 for a chocolate bar or other indulgence like a lottery ticket I put an extra dollar into a special jar. We use this jar to buy dog and cat toys for the Humane Society. Made me feel noble to spend.

In our budget we have money for clothes, house, miscellaneous, entertainment etc. Every time I would spend from these categories I would feel awful. Like I was being foolish. Da. You have to have underwear! So to finally get over the guilt of spending money on myself I simply made sure that I only ever spent half of what was in the category. For example when the Hubster needed new shirts we had $200 saved up in the clothes budget. We spent $100. Never having a zero balance in any category is very comforting. A nice little cushion. These were just games that I played with myself but it helped me to learn to be comfortable with spending again. This is very similar to what you have to do after you finish losing the weight. You have to learn to eat without over indulging , maintain and be comfortable with your choices. For both our debt and my weight I went through a diet, then a maintenance program and now I am just living normally and am confident that I know how to handle both money and a chocolate bar.

]]> By: Anne http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20802 Anne Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:29:34 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20802 I can understand the idea of people getting pleasure when buying, because I do so when I buy books, however I get the guilts everytime I buy anything else even if its something I need or should get. If the showerhead breaks and I get a new one I feel guilty spending money, even if its for a package of lightbulbs, all of which I have the money to pay for. Yesterday my mother took me shopping for clothes to a store that had incredible sales. I have just lost over 2 dress sizes iin the last few months but have lost 4 since last winter, so I didn't have anything that really fit me for the holidays and to go to meetings in. I bought 6 items for only $108, and I must agree they make me look great, slimmer, up to date, ready to face the world, but I feel guilty about it. Today I can't even take the clothes out of the bag. I know once I start wearing my new clothes, I'll feel good about them and thankful I did buy them. But since I walked out of the store I have felt guilty. I don't know why I always feel guilty rather than pleasure when buying things. Gail has never mentioned others who feel this way. So Gail should I see a shrink about this? Why do I always feel guilty buying things I have the money to buy? I really do take pleasure in knowing I am debt free and have a plan for the future - its needs improving but its a work in progress that I enjoy seeing it unfold. I also take pleasure in little things such as interacting with my pets, playing music and dancing silly, reading a good book, or having a hot cup of tea in my front porch oasis. My ultimate pleasure is spending time talking with or being with my family and great friends. Life is too short so I now take the time to enjoy the little moments that arise in a busy day. Since I started doing this I am grateful and happy. I can understand the idea of people getting pleasure when buying, because I do so when I buy books, however I get the guilts everytime I buy anything else even if its something I need or should get. If the showerhead breaks and I get a new one I feel guilty spending money, even if its for a package of lightbulbs, all of which I have the money to pay for.

Yesterday my mother took me shopping for clothes to a store that had incredible sales. I have just lost over 2 dress sizes iin the last few months but have lost 4 since last winter, so I didn’t have anything that really fit me for the holidays and to go to meetings in. I bought 6 items for only $108, and I must agree they make me look great, slimmer, up to date, ready to face the world, but I feel guilty about it. Today I can’t even take the clothes out of the bag. I know once I start wearing my new clothes, I’ll feel good about them and thankful I did buy them. But since I walked out of the store I have felt guilty. I don’t know why I always feel guilty rather than pleasure when buying things. Gail has never mentioned others who feel this way. So Gail should I see a shrink about this? Why do I always feel guilty buying things I have the money to buy?

I really do take pleasure in knowing I am debt free and have a plan for the future – its needs improving but its a work in progress that I enjoy seeing it unfold. I also take pleasure in little things such as interacting with my pets, playing music and dancing silly, reading a good book, or having a hot cup of tea in my front porch oasis. My ultimate pleasure is spending time talking with or being with my family and great friends. Life is too short so I now take the time to enjoy the little moments that arise in a busy day. Since I started doing this I am grateful and happy.

]]> By: Heidi http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20768 Heidi Fri, 04 Dec 2009 21:35:10 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20768 Happy ! Happy that it is Friday and the TTDUP marathon starts for the evening on slice very very soon. Have a safe and happy weekend everyone ! :) Happy ! Happy that it is Friday and the TTDUP marathon starts for the evening on slice very very soon.

Have a safe and happy weekend everyone ! :)

]]> By: Amber http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20765 Amber Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:46:25 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20765 I am just now learning how avoidance prolongs the agony. If only I'd figured this out decades ago, I could have saved myself a lot of grief. I also think that focusing on what we have, instead of what we don't have, is one of the keys to happiness. In our society we enjoy amazing abundance, and instead of appreciating it we're constantly thinking about 'stuff' that we want. There will always be more stuff, that's a never-ending game. But it's optional, and we don't have to play along. I am just now learning how avoidance prolongs the agony. If only I’d figured this out decades ago, I could have saved myself a lot of grief.

I also think that focusing on what we have, instead of what we don’t have, is one of the keys to happiness. In our society we enjoy amazing abundance, and instead of appreciating it we’re constantly thinking about ’stuff’ that we want. There will always be more stuff, that’s a never-ending game. But it’s optional, and we don’t have to play along.

]]> By: Megan http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/1248/comment-page-1#comment-20764 Megan Fri, 04 Dec 2009 19:19:20 +0000 http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/?p=1248#comment-20764 I totally relate to this. A couple years back I was very unhappy in my current relationship and I would just go to the malls and spend spend spend! Obsivously I didn't realize this at the time but I sure do now. I don't get the "a high" from purchasing things anymore. I do get a bit giddy when I find something we really needed for a very good deal. Such as I have been searching for everyday dinnerware as ours a badly chipped but didn't want to spend the money. I found a really nice set at The Bay that was regularly $170.00 for two sets and its was 60% off plus I had a gift card that I forgot about so we only ended up spending $27 on 8 place settings! I can definately say I got giddy from that. We are big believer's in being positive. My mom got cancer five years ago and she feels that it was because she spent years being negative and resentful of her childhood. She bottled her feelings and never let them escape. I am not saying that everyone who gets cancer gets it because they are negative but I do think the positive and emotionally healthy people in this world tend to be physically healthier as well. Happy Friday Everyone! Hope you all are not getting the Blizzard we are in Edmonton! I totally relate to this.
A couple years back I was very unhappy in my current relationship and I would just go to the malls and spend spend spend! Obsivously I didn’t realize this at the time but I sure do now.
I don’t get the “a high” from purchasing things anymore. I do get a bit giddy when I find something we really needed for a very good deal. Such as I have been searching for everyday dinnerware as ours a badly chipped but didn’t want to spend the money. I found a really nice set at The Bay that was regularly $170.00 for two sets and its was 60% off plus I had a gift card that I forgot about so we only ended up spending $27 on 8 place settings! I can definately say I got giddy from that.
We are big believer’s in being positive. My mom got cancer five years ago and she feels that it was because she spent years being negative and resentful of her childhood. She bottled her feelings and never let them escape. I am not saying that everyone who gets cancer gets it because they are negative but I do think the positive and emotionally healthy people in this world tend to be physically healthier as well.
Happy Friday Everyone!
Hope you all are not getting the Blizzard we are in Edmonton!

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