Happy Is as Happy Does
Posted by Gail | Filed under Life Lessons
People spend money to make themselves happy. It’s a fact. And sometimes people spend money they don’t have for the rush of the instant gratification. Using credit is a double-edge sword since when we buy stuff our brain releases pleasure hormones. And when we don’t use cash – so there’s no immediate cost – we don’t have the off-setting pain that helps us to prioritize. The result, shopping on credit becomes a little like taking a hit! We get a buzz and don’t feel the pain for a while, and if we take another hit we can make the pain go away for a while. For a while.
When I tell people that becoming debt free forever will make them happy they may agree intellectually, but emotionally, they often can’t commit. There’s no warm fuzzy feeling in contemplating the long journey to debt freedom. There are things you can do to help get to happy while you’re also working towards being debt free forever. And some of these things can give you pretty quick payback; there ya go, some instant gratification for all you buzz junkies.
One of the best ways to get buzzed and happy is to boost your energy by moving around. Whether you’re talking on the phone or planning your next meal, walk around while you do it. If you’re in the process of making a budget, or tracking your spending, and you feel like you’re getting bogged down, get up and walk around for a few minutes. Better yet, book 10 minutes each day to take a brisk walk outside. The faster you move, the more your metabolism will speed up, and the better your focus and mood will be.
Since personal connections play a huge part in how happy we are, making a lunch date with a friend, having a phone chat while you sip a cuppa, or getting in touch by email can help you feel all warm and fuzzy. When you’re working on a tight budget and entertainment dollars are few and far between, finding ways to reach out to friends that don’t cost a lot of money is important to keeping you feeling connected and happy. Even if you consider yourself somewhat of an introvert, make the effort to connect. You’ll not only boost your mood, you’ll find that the best things in life – like friends – are free.
One of the biggest barriers to getting to debt free forever – and to happiness – is procrastination. When you have things you know you should be doing, and you don’t do them, they sit like bags of cement on your shoulders weighing you down, sapping your energy and creating a sense of hopelessness. It’s easier just to take the bull by the horns and do the deed, no matter how unpleasant you may think it is. This is one of the lessons I’m working really hard to teach my kids: avoidance just makes the pain last longer. Do it and be done! When you can finally cross that irksome chore off your list of things to do, you’ll get a huge sense of relief and enough energy to fly to the moon. And you’ll feel happier.
Perhaps the easiest thing you can do to be happy is to act happy. If people ask me how I am and I say, “Oh, so so,” that’s pretty well how I end up feeling. When I say, “I’m fabulous!” or “Just swell!” or “Fantastic!” not only do they end up laughing with me, I feel great for long after. Research has shown that when you make yourself smile, there’s a positive response from your brain. So just pretending to be happy can actually make you happy. And since your smile will be reflected back in the smiles of those you come into contact with, you’ll be spreading the happiness around.
The road to any far-off goal can seem long and winding. If we don’t take steps to keep ourselves motivated it’s all to easy to fall back into bad habits. And if those bad habits make us feel good, even for the short term, they can become addictive. Today, substitute a smile for spending. Connect with an old friend, or make a new one. Dance around while you’re dusting or folding the laundry. Happy is as happy does!
December 4, 2009 at 8:51 am
How apropro Gail, especially when most of us are in the throes of getting Xmas gifts, some of which will have to hit the cc until next pay day (for me anyway). I only started putting the gift/entertainment money into accounts in August, so I didn’t really have as much saved as I planned. Thankfully it’s a 3 pay month, so I do have some extra cash to play with next pay. I’ll take that and apply it to the cc debt from this week’s shopping, and in Jan the bill will be $0 or as close as one can get.
I am not a mall shopper/clothes horse, but I do enjoy good quality things when I do make purchases. Unfortunately my old thinking got me into debt, so now that I’m not purchasing new things for myself and watching the one last cc debt get paid down, it’s such a rush to know I’m doing it!
December 4, 2009 at 9:02 am
I love this! Thinking optimistically can change a mood as well, and hanging around those who are happy. One of my brothers can be quite negative, and he can sometimes bring me down, but hanging out with other family or friends always puts me in a good mood.
Dancing always cheers me up as well, and listening to good music. I had a little dance party with my mom yesterday in the kitchen!
Think positive and smile
December 4, 2009 at 9:40 am
While it may not be quite the same species of ‘high’ from shopping, I HAVE found warm fuzzies as I knock debts off my list, and add money to different targeted savings like EF, or Christmas, or summer. I credit being able to make it visual, on my blog, for some of the fuzzies, and the woo hoos of those who read it and comment, for other fuzzies.
December 4, 2009 at 9:47 am
When I am having one of those ” I don’t want to go to work” days, the music is blaring all the way to the parking lot.
By the time I get my duty shoes on I am happier and hopefully a more fun person to be around for my patients and my co-workers. It may be forced at first, but the cheerfulness finds its own momentum as the day goes on.
Perhaps the description of people buying to get a “high” can be used to explain the behaviour of all the people we complained about yesterday. I have switched my buying “high” for the positive reinforcement of seeing increasing bank balances. (Not quite as fun as new party shoes, tho’).
December 4, 2009 at 10:09 am
Here here Gail! I wholeheartedly agree. I said to my husband recently when we were in an unexpected not-so-happy situation “You can make a decision to be happy anywhere, or to be unhappy anywhere”. I did my darnedest to make the decision to be happy in the situation, as there was nothing to be done to get out of it for the time being.
What I noticed when I started watching the budget was that there were habits I had that I thought contributed to my happiness (e.g., Starbucks 4-5x per week). At first, these treats really did bring me joy, but when I did it all the time, it’s like growing tolerant to a drug and needing a bigger hit to feel the same rush. When I cut back to having a latte as a special treat 1-2x per month, I got sooooo much more out of it than I was on a daily basis. Plus, I made sure that I only bought the latte when I was with someone else, making it an occassion to sit and chat and really soak up the atmosphere in the comfy chairs at the fancy shop rather than just driving through and sucking back the pricy java unconsciously.
December 4, 2009 at 10:14 am
Another reason to smile: even if you don’t feel like it, it’ll piss enough people off to be worth the effort.
I find that you can get a similar high from paying off a debt as from buying something so if it keeps you motivated and feeling like you’ve accomplished something, pay the smaller debts first, even if they don’t have the highest interest rate.
December 4, 2009 at 10:32 am
I recently visited the Body Worlds & The Story of the Heart exhibit at the Ontario Science Centre and related to optimism, I was quite surprized to learn that optimistic thinking is associated with a lowered risk of dying from heart disease. Thinking positively can help you beat the medical odds, truly demonstrating mind over matter!
There has been a lot of research conducted on this topic including studies by the American Medical Association: “Our results, combined with the finding that hopelessness was associated with an increased incidence or progression of disease, suggest that dispositional optimism affects the progression of cardiovascular disease,” the researchers state.
So I have learned that optimism is not only good for your wallet, but also your heart!
December 4, 2009 at 10:40 am
Like Jolie above, I do get the warm fuzzies dropping my debt! It’s very freeing emotionally and mentally and I can literally feel the weight on my shoulders getting lighter.
Happiness and optimism is a state of mind…if you make up your mind to be happy, generally you can be!
December 4, 2009 at 10:55 am
Like Diana, I often use music to reframe things. It can completely change the way I feel and how I look at things. While I would never advocate denying real feelings (even if they are negative), it’s pretty easy to get caught up in a “glass half empty” kind of outlook, especially if we are around people of that ilk. Happiness is, at least a bit, a decision. Right now, I’m trying to shake off the weight of the extra work that Christmas causes, recapture the spirit of the holiday, and enjoy my work as a manifestation of this season of giving.
December 4, 2009 at 11:05 am
These days, I get my “high” from paying for the things I do buy with money I’ve allotted for it, rather than buying it on credit or dipping into money that should go for other things! So many times I’ve been out with DH and danced around excitedly after a purchase saying “we’ve paid for this in cash!” whoo-hoo!
December 4, 2009 at 11:26 am
Amelia
Your first comment is so true!!
Made me laugh!
December 4, 2009 at 11:42 am
I did used to get that ‘high’ or buzz that Gail refers to when purchasing things on a whim with my credit card. But now that I am debt free, it’s like being on a permanent upper…i feel so great and stare at my well-calculated spreadsheet that tracks my expenses for hours on end…I’ll never go back!
December 4, 2009 at 11:52 am
“Perhaps the easiest thing you can do to be happy is to act happy.”
OMG! I love this…IT IS SO TRUE! I am in the midst of not having my contract renewed & people approach me do sad. I say why go glum!? I will be back one day – I will make sure it it!
Be positive and smile – its contageous
December 4, 2009 at 11:56 am
I love your point about physically moving about. I switched to cycling and walking/bus (in the winter) a few years ago. When I get to work I feel so energized and wonderful – same when I get home in the evening. I save loads of cash too. And no winter driving. I would never go back to driving..
December 4, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Arteme I agree with u. I remember paying off buy now pay later furniture and jumping for joy. My hubby and I was stressed that we needed to paybit off right after Christmas which we did again! I was dancing for glee that we did it in six months and that small bill was gone again. To teach us to save before we buy big items!
So when I feel deep in the dumps to pay off debt I’ll still remember how it felt to pay the furniture off and what a relieve it is to be able to put the money else where. There’s a great beautiful rainbow to smile at when another bill pd off
December 4, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Smiling is contagious and I try to keep a positive attitude about most things.
I truly believe that “when one door closes another opens”
I have been laid off a couple of times with no advance notice and everything looks bleak (especially when debt was a big issue) then something comes along and your life takes a turn for the better. Better job, or better conditions and you are happier than you were before.
Paying off debt is a high in itself. I track the amount I am putting on the bills and I can see that I can put more on than I thought was possible. The debt balance keeps getting smaller and I could stare at that spreadsheet and just smile and smile. Shopping never felt that good.
December 4, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I totally relate to this.
A couple years back I was very unhappy in my current relationship and I would just go to the malls and spend spend spend! Obsivously I didn’t realize this at the time but I sure do now.
I don’t get the “a high” from purchasing things anymore. I do get a bit giddy when I find something we really needed for a very good deal. Such as I have been searching for everyday dinnerware as ours a badly chipped but didn’t want to spend the money. I found a really nice set at The Bay that was regularly $170.00 for two sets and its was 60% off plus I had a gift card that I forgot about so we only ended up spending $27 on 8 place settings! I can definately say I got giddy from that.
We are big believer’s in being positive. My mom got cancer five years ago and she feels that it was because she spent years being negative and resentful of her childhood. She bottled her feelings and never let them escape. I am not saying that everyone who gets cancer gets it because they are negative but I do think the positive and emotionally healthy people in this world tend to be physically healthier as well.
Happy Friday Everyone!
Hope you all are not getting the Blizzard we are in Edmonton!
December 4, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I am just now learning how avoidance prolongs the agony. If only I’d figured this out decades ago, I could have saved myself a lot of grief.
I also think that focusing on what we have, instead of what we don’t have, is one of the keys to happiness. In our society we enjoy amazing abundance, and instead of appreciating it we’re constantly thinking about ’stuff’ that we want. There will always be more stuff, that’s a never-ending game. But it’s optional, and we don’t have to play along.
December 4, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Happy ! Happy that it is Friday and the TTDUP marathon starts for the evening on slice very very soon.
Have a safe and happy weekend everyone !
December 5, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I can understand the idea of people getting pleasure when buying, because I do so when I buy books, however I get the guilts everytime I buy anything else even if its something I need or should get. If the showerhead breaks and I get a new one I feel guilty spending money, even if its for a package of lightbulbs, all of which I have the money to pay for.
Yesterday my mother took me shopping for clothes to a store that had incredible sales. I have just lost over 2 dress sizes iin the last few months but have lost 4 since last winter, so I didn’t have anything that really fit me for the holidays and to go to meetings in. I bought 6 items for only $108, and I must agree they make me look great, slimmer, up to date, ready to face the world, but I feel guilty about it. Today I can’t even take the clothes out of the bag. I know once I start wearing my new clothes, I’ll feel good about them and thankful I did buy them. But since I walked out of the store I have felt guilty. I don’t know why I always feel guilty rather than pleasure when buying things. Gail has never mentioned others who feel this way. So Gail should I see a shrink about this? Why do I always feel guilty buying things I have the money to buy?
I really do take pleasure in knowing I am debt free and have a plan for the future – its needs improving but its a work in progress that I enjoy seeing it unfold. I also take pleasure in little things such as interacting with my pets, playing music and dancing silly, reading a good book, or having a hot cup of tea in my front porch oasis. My ultimate pleasure is spending time talking with or being with my family and great friends. Life is too short so I now take the time to enjoy the little moments that arise in a busy day. Since I started doing this I am grateful and happy.
December 5, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Anne: First off congratulations on the fantastic weight loss. You should be so proud. I have been a life long yoyo fatty except for the last time I lost the weight so I know the work involved and how wonderful it feels.
Now, I don’t know if you need a shrink or not. I did but that is another story. ha! I also went through a period when I felt guilty about spending on anything even necessities that we had cash for. I don’t know if this has been a life long thing for you or not but for me it was definitely a NEW thing. Before we got Gail-vanized I never thought twice about spending.
We set up a budget so had cash for all our needs and once we were consumer debt free and were saving for emergencies and retirement we also set up a planned spending account.
Now this should have made it easy to spend the money that we had specifically saved for special things but this is when I started to hyperventilate and get cramps in my hand when signing a cheque or trying to open my wallet. Looking back I now know that this was fear, pure and simple. Fear that we would not be able to stay the course, would end up back in debt and/or have an emergency that the we didn’t have enough money for. In other words I just didn’t trust myself. It got so bad that I couldn’t even buy a coffee or chocolate bar (my celebration every time I lost 5 more pounds) without feeling guilty – like I really should have put that money to better use.
The way I got around this was simple. First I increased our emergency savings by $20 a month (eventually raised that to $50 as times got better). Next I started doubling. If I spent $1 for a chocolate bar or other indulgence like a lottery ticket I put an extra dollar into a special jar. We use this jar to buy dog and cat toys for the Humane Society. Made me feel noble to spend.
In our budget we have money for clothes, house, miscellaneous, entertainment etc. Every time I would spend from these categories I would feel awful. Like I was being foolish. Da. You have to have underwear! So to finally get over the guilt of spending money on myself I simply made sure that I only ever spent half of what was in the category. For example when the Hubster needed new shirts we had $200 saved up in the clothes budget. We spent $100. Never having a zero balance in any category is very comforting. A nice little cushion. These were just games that I played with myself but it helped me to learn to be comfortable with spending again. This is very similar to what you have to do after you finish losing the weight. You have to learn to eat without over indulging , maintain and be comfortable with your choices. For both our debt and my weight I went through a diet, then a maintenance program and now I am just living normally and am confident that I know how to handle both money and a chocolate bar.
December 5, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Gail, this post did SO WELL to get me off my procrastinating duff that it took me two days to read it — because I kept getting up to finish some chore I was putting off, or paying a bill, or helping the kids with homework, etc, etc.
I am really trying to get the kids to grab the unpleasant chores and “get them overwith” especially homework assignments! They got their report cards yesterday, and they weren’t pretty. I am not sure what the teachers or I can do to impress the seriousness of their attitudes toward work and how it will affect their adult lives!!! Hopefully there is still time for the light to come on.
December 6, 2009 at 8:25 am
I’ve never had a credit card in my life. I do have a debit card but I plan for everything well in advance. My husband and I are quite poor….between us we only bring in $1700 (US) dollars a month, yet we have no debt and always have our bills paid and the things we need. Gail is right about prioritizing. We compiled a list a long time ago of free or nearly free things to do with our kids on the weekends. We don’t get to do the things (or have as nice of things) that others do, but we are happy. We know people who make a lot more than us, but are mired in debt and are consumed by worry and stress.
December 6, 2009 at 9:55 am
Akira,
If your family is happy and can spend time doing things together then your life is rich and that is what everyone is seeking, unfortunately most of them are seeking it in the mall.
You’ve known the secret all along.
December 6, 2009 at 10:00 am
Anne, congratulations! Losing weight is as difficult a life change as losing our dependence on credit. But every dietician will tell you if you deprive yourself to severely of the food you like, chances are you will rebel, binge and regain the weight. That’s why Gail’s program is so successful – it builds in entertainment and clothing and gifts. Because she knows if you swing too far in the other direction – from overspending to not spending at all – chances are eventually you or your family will resent it, and revert back to bad habits.
Just like losing weight, it’s all about balance. Once we can accept that we can have that indulgence when we can pay for it (or in case of weight loss when it’s in moderation), then we’ve made the turn.
It sounds like you’re afraid of returning to old habits – perhaps that’s what’s making you feel guilty about spending even on essentials. Or maybe you’re worried because you haven’t got the emergency fund you want yet. Or today’s economy is making you nervous. I know I am.
You’ve done great. Remember it’s about balance!
December 6, 2009 at 5:44 pm
As per usual, Gail is right on!!Our present North American culture has substituted the “joy of shopping” for many “old-fashioned” past times which did not cost any money. We are bombarded daily that true happiness will be found at the end of the rainbow–the mall, the online store site, or, the ultimate pot of gold–winning a lottery. My mother was a refugee from World War 11 and lost all her personal possessions and family due to the invasion of the Russian army in to one of the Baltic States. All of my years of life she observed that our society was turning into a “too much” society where people owned all kinds of stuff, but were still not happy. Keep up with your good work Gail–slowly but surely, maybe we can hammer in the message that shopping to be happy is not a necessity but a luxury and does not bring lasting happiness.
December 7, 2009 at 8:40 am
Thanks Diana. We invest our time with our kids and each other. Your kids are not going to grow up happy thinking about all the great things you bought them, but rather that you spent time with them and were active in their lives.
December 7, 2009 at 12:41 pm
We’ve stopped posting, as we are expecting our 3rd child…
Our family is living a very contented lifestyle. Low maintenance = happiness.
December 7, 2009 at 5:14 pm
SMILE! It will make people wonder what you’re up to!!
January 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm
[...] Vaz-Oxlade had a nice post titled Happy Is As Happy Does. It was a great reminder of the importance of attitude in everything we [...]
April 13, 2010 at 5:39 am
[...] in order to achieve better results. Late last year, Gail Vaz-Oxlade wrote a great article called Happy Is as Happy Does. It’s amazing how powerful positive thinking can be when we let it. At the same time, we need [...]