Anyways, enough of that.

We’ve both been adjusting to different ways of living, each at our own pace with setbacks, learning to live with our choices, instead of running. More often than not, am the one who is more aware, giving more thought to our situation, but many times my man has had to provide a distraction.

Will this recession change us? I’d say it already has, and will change us more before it’s properly over. Will it change the consumer culture that we have grown accustomed to over the past few decades? I hope so, but I agree with Amber, the change won’t stay unless it’s a fundamental change, and the younger people are taught.

It’s me who changed, not them. I think was always a little more frugal than most of them, but in the past few years I’ve consiously taken it to a whole new level. For the most part I don’t talk about my daily choices with them. The truly wealthy gals wouldn’t understand buying produce & meat that’s been marked down because of a buise or a looming best before date. The ones who, in my opinion, ought to be doing the same due to limited incomes refuse (or won’t admit it) because they are trying so hard to create the impression that they are keeping up with the wealthy ones.

People will always see what they choose to see and I’ve stopped worrying about it and accepted my friends as they are, and they do the same. Those who struggle financially will see only what we have and figure it’s easy on a good income. The wealthy ones wonder how we seem to live (on the surface) in much the way they do, but on far less income.

There is one who is very like minded and we have great heart-to-heart conversations. We talk about the balancing act required to enjoy today, but make our plans for tomorrow a reality. We trade stories on what we skimp on and what we splurge on. It’s always an interesting look behind the curtain when you see how others work things out. At the moment her DH, an electrician, is working on a casino in Bermuda. Last year he did 3 shorter trips to to northern Ontario to work on new facilities at a diamond mine. They’ve traded time apart in the short term for the the big paycheques these jobs bring and are working toward quickly paying off their mortgage and preparing for retirement. She couldn’t make the girl’s dinner because she was on holiday visiting her husband. (She flew on points and is staying at his company paid hotel). Had she been in town, she too would have had the appetizer and water evening and focussed more on a great visit with friends.

Thank you both for your comments. I really appreciate it. It helps even just to know that others are in the same boat.

It annoys me sometimes how my friends can’t accept that I’m happy with the way I am. I call it “partners in crime syndrome”. Subconciously they know that getting themselves into deeper debt over “stuff” is not a good path, but they want to feel better by telling themselves that “everyone does it!”. So they want me to do it too and attempt to make me feel guilty if I don’t.

And it applies to everything. I wish I had your hollow leg Ann. I work out six days a week two hours a day and with a personal trainer. I have another 30 pounds to lose (getting there but slow). I have a friend who could also stand to lose some weight but she’s constantly needling me to “eat” with her. She gets downright sulky if I refuse.

We need to hold fast to the knowledge that we are doing the right thing. Let’s not let the “crabs in the bucket” drag us down!!

I will start with this… not all choices are our own. Take having babies for example. My sister found out that the pill is not 100% no matter how careful you are. The man involved promptly proposed, and a casual fun relationship got to be really serious really fast (like 7 months fast!), and she went from being a career woman to married with children faster than she knew what to do about it. Now, 7 years later, they are still trying to get to know each other, and it isn’t all sunshine and roses. They have found out things that would have been “deal-breakers” if they had known before that pregnancy test came up positive. A lot of it is financial, what a predicament! To be fair, they have made the best of a sticky situation and are still affectionate and loving to each other and the kids, so it isn’t a sad story, just a scary one about choices (or lack-off).

I’m with Ann here in the comments. It is very discouraging when people are resentful of my weight being fine, or my at-home business being okay, or my debt being under control or even for me having such a great husband! These things were all carefully strategized, choices were made at every step to help increase my chances of success! Goals are made, plans are adhered to, decisions carefully weighed. Even when things don’t go as well as I’d hoped, I adjust my goals to reflect the new truths and move forward. I choose my luck at every chance I can, the people I know that seem the most resentful are the people that react to situations instead of being proactive making their own situations.

And what Amber says too… openly accepting the consequences for the choices is important too.

As for whether people have learned, I think the problem is that we keep making new people. As soon as this crop figures it out, a whole new one shows up to take their place. Which is one reason that teaching better financial management to young people is so important, in my view.

No one tells you that the person who maintains their shape works out 6 days a week and has certain food choices. No one tells you about the days that start at 5am, the therapy bills, or the sacrifices or palnning that goes into the end result.

No, it’s not that people don’t tell you. I tell people all the time I can eat like I have a hollow leg because I work out 5 times a week. I tell people I have a decent-paying job because I work 60 hours a week…or more. However, some people don’t want to believe it. It’s easier for them to think everything I have and everything I am is because of dumb luck. I think it makes them feel better about themselves if their situation in life is not their fault because they’re not as lucky as I am.

However, what annoys me most are people who refuse to believe I’m happy with my life. How can I live my life without cable? They can’t, therefore I must be lying. How can I be happy driving an 11-year-old Honda Civic? They can’t, therefore I must be lying.

Sheesh!

If these people would spend as much time fixing their lives as they do speculating about and judging mine, they might get their lives in order.

You are not alone. I have had several friends in similar situations, and as far as I know, all of them have worket it out. It seems that the adjustment to parenthood is more difficult for some than it is for others. Be sure to look after yourself and ask for help and support when you need it – don’t expect him to know instinctively what you need.