One of the best pieces of advice that Gail has given is concerning making your children pay rent so that they do not get used to having the kind of disposable income that does not exist out in the real world. A perfect way of teaching the illusion of scarcity. IF ONLY all parents would do this. Mine did not do this because they felt it was their duty to support us (probably would have done until they were in their 90’s and we were in our 60’s) and because they would have been ashamed to ask for money from their kids. What a disaster. Doing what they thought was good was really a bad idea. Neither my sister nor I had a clue. I was clueless but learned the slow and hard way whereas Sis is still not clued in. You are doing your son a great service. I mentioned what Gail said to a friend who had both her adult kids return home and she has actually started to charge them room and board. She is putting the money away for them in a savings account but they don’t know this.

Sometimes the little splurges and pleasures mean a lot more than the big ones. We used to buy champagne for our anniversary – the real stuff – but always on credit of course. The year when we were broke (really broke and so deep in debt that security was just a dream) we went for a walk on the beach. Free entertainment. I did not know that the Hubster had been putting all his nickles aside and had saved up a dollar. We bought a bottle of Swiss Cream soda and sat on the shore wall sharing that bottle and I cannot remember ever tasting anything better.

@ SunshineBud If our guys sound alike then they are also like a lot of other men I know. In fact looking back I can honestly say the only men I know are either spenders or misers. They are black or white or in the red but no gray at all. On the other hand the women are either spenders or many different shades of gray. You have come a long way since last December and from my own experience I know that changing bad habits is hard work but the longer you practice the Gail way of living the easier it gets and the stronger your whole life gets.

@Susanne I am upgrading my vocabulary thanks to you. I love the idea of replacing the word “broke” with “secure”. I tend to use a lot of catastrophic language and using the word “broke” to describe our lives is one of things that I still do regularly. And it is not true anymore. We are not broke. We may not have any spare cash right now but we are secure. Budgeting, saving, planning and not using credit has not left us poor. In fact we are richer now than we have ever been in our lives. Sure, there are things that we have to wait to do but we are beginning to find out that there is nothing that we can’t do – eventually. You are working so hard at all the Gail-to-Do stuff. I am so sorry that you have had this recent loss. I hope that life will be kind and give you some time off to play catchup before the next emergency. Love the boots story. I used to work at Eatons with a girl who was our display designer. She eventually became my neighbour – buying the most run down house you have ever seen. Within a month she had transformed the inside. I was amazed but she said it is all smoke and mirrors and isn’t meant to be permanent. Just showing off the good and hiding the bad until she could afford to do it right. My place never looked that good even when we did it right.

I struggle with planned scarcity, but I’m getting better. I also like seeing the EF grow and once the money is in there, I don’t want to take it out.

Thanks Gail for the great messages and to everyone who contributes here. It sure helps keep me on track and provide me with the strength to keep enforcing all these positive behaviours. Some days are a struggle and some are easier than others. That’s life!

Also loved your toaster post Maureen. Thanks

I need a new pair of winter boots since the Dawg pierced mine with his claws as he stepped on my foot in his panic to get away from the dangerously insane squirrel who lives in our yard. He (the dog not the squirrel) weighs about a hundred pounds so did a good job.

Right now my boots are plugged with a blob of silicone and they will do until there is enough money in the clothing budget. I accept this but last month when we were shopping I priced out the boots I want just to see how close I was getting. The Hubster said get them now but I said there was no money yet. The next day he came home in a huff and showed me the ATM receipt he got that day when he withdrew the week’s jar money. He said “What do you mean we don’t have any money for boots – our balance is over $5000!” I said “ Ya? What’s your point? The balance is not reality and has nothing to do with what we have to spend”. You would have thought I had smacked him in the face with a dead mackerel.

Now, I do all the finances but at least once a month I tie him down to a chair and go over the whole thing with him. He hates this and I have to keep tasering him to keep him focused but I really thought he got it. Apparently the sight of a big balance on our chequing account instantly wipes out every thing that we have discussed and planned and learned over the past few years. The old habits are not as dead and gone as I thought.

When he saw the balance all he thought about was – wow look at how much money we have to spend! He completely forgot that we are now sane and mature and responsible people who budget and that most of this money was earmarked for specific needs like the mortgage, car insurance, food, savings etc. and that the rest was in storage for specific wants.

Being a person of immense patience and self control I showed him the budget yet AGAIN and he agreed that the clothing budget did not quite stretch to the boots but then he suggested that I just rob the planned spending account to make up for the scarcity of funds in the clothing account. A slippery slope even with new boots with anti-slip-tarantula brand-rubber treads. Once you go back to shifting funds from one thing to pay for another you quickly end up back in the situation where you have to go into debt to make up for what is missing.

My lecture on this did not quite convince. And I did not hit him. I was reaching for a pen and my arm cramped and spasm-ed. A calcium deficiency that will be rectified next jar day when I buy our vitamin and mineral supplements.

What finally worked was agreeing to rob the planned spending account for my boots and thanking him. What for? he wanted to know. For letting me use some of the money we were saving for a new computer for my new boots. Suddenly he understood and agreed that it was a very bad thing to take money out of the planned spending account to artificially shore up the clothing account.

I actually caught him checking out the budget spread sheet two days ago. He said he was just making sure that we had enough money saved up for our property taxes. Sure. Do I look gullible? He doesn’t even remember when we pay property taxes let alone how much we need. And besides I found the computer brochures when I accidentally broke into his briefcase.