This & That: Krazy Kids & Their Parents Edition
Posted by Gail | Filed under This & That
Sharon wrote: Hi Gail. Love your show. Trying to get some of your books. Extremely difficult to find. My question is regarding my daughter and her boyfriend. She is only 20 and quite naive and is quite under the thumb with regards to her boyfriend. We started fighting because she keeps putting things on her credit card that her boyfriend wants; eg new plasma tv, new lounge suite. He works in a bank but cannot get a credit card as he has a bad credit rating. I was advised to stop meddling and let her make her own mistakes and to let her grow up. By the way, her credit card debt at that stage was 3500 dollars. I left her to grow up but alas the only thing that grew was her credit card debt. To the tune of 8000 dollars in 2 months, as well as getting the boyfriend a credit card of his own attached to her card which she is ultimately responsible for. I found out by accident. What do I do. I feel like she is being used by the boyfriend and I worry she will be stuck with a whole lot of debt after he finishes with her and I worry this could damage her good credit rating. Should I let her make her own mistakes. At the moment, if I say anything to her, then she gives me the cold shoulder for a few weeks. Thank you
Sharon, I tell you girl, I feel your pain. But I don’t know that there is anything you can do. She’s an adult. She’s got credit. Why she has so much room at her age (and income?) is beyond me. I think you have to stay out of it and be ready to help her come up with a plan when the crap hits the fan. Don’t bail her out, just show her how to cope. But that’s down the road. For now, I don’t think there is anything you can do. Having said that, I’m assuming she lives away from home (with her boyfriend?) If she were living at home you could ask her to start contributing to the household (rent and food) and then slip that money aside for later. As it stands now, I’d hold off on any big presents, using small tokens to mark occasions, and bank the rest for when it’s needed. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help. Try to remember that you made really stupid mistakes too, and that she will learn an important — if very costly — lesson from this one. Oh, find someone you can spit and hiss to so you don’t do it with your daughter.
S wrote: Hi Gail, I love your show and have learned a lot from watching it. I would consider myself to be quite good with my finances but it seems as though i will never have enough to buy my own place. I’m 29 and currently live with my parents (more or less rent free.. thanks mom & dad!) and earn just under $60,000 gross/yr. I was recently in need of a new car and was able to save and make the purchase with cash ($25,000). I have approximately $20,000 in savings and no debt. However, when i budget out all the expenses i would have if i was to move out, it just doesn’t seem enough to buy even a condo. Condo prices in my area are in the $250,000-$275,000 range for something decent, plus condo maintenance ($300+) and of course property taxes, insurance, gas, car maintenance, maybe some food once in a while, etc….I am able to get a mortgage pre-approval for this amount, but it doesn’t mean much if i am not comfortable with the payments. Do you think there is any way i could make this work? I feel as though i have done all the right things. I struggled through university working up to 3 jobs at a time while attending school full time just so that i wouldn’t be in debt and would be able to move out into my own home when i graduated…. 2 years later, that still hasn’t happened
Thanks and keep up the good work!
So S, if you make about $3700 a month net and you pay almost no rent, what have you been doing with your money. Okay, you saved for a car. That’s terrific. But where has all the rest of your almost $90,000 in net income gone in the past two years? One of the problems with living rent free with parents is that young adults get used to living with a disposable income they would never have living on their own. So either they figure they can never afford to move out, or they think when they do move out they can just keep spending as before, and rack up enormous amounts of debt. If you are serious about being independent, then you’ll start putting away a minimum of 35% of your income — I’m guestimating about $1300 a month — towards a downpayment on a home. If you want to buy a $250,000 home with 20% down, it will take you about three years to do it. If you decide because you’re living at home that you can save even more towards a home of your own, you can shorten your time horizon. That is all separate and apart from your long term savings and your emergency savings. While you’re living at home rent free, you should be socking away an emergency fund and all the RRSP money you’re eligible to save. Now you have to decide how serious you are about being independent.
A wrote: Hi Gail, I have watched a number of your shows and wonder if you can help me. My youngest son works for my husband and I on our farm. We pay him every tow week,. He also has another part time job that is not regular with his cheques. He does not put money into the farm, he has one payment a month to take care of and his wife makes all other payments. He brings in over $1400 a month but regularly asks me to give him money a week early. I did it twice but refuse to do it any more. What can his wife and I, yes she asked me to help, can we do to make him more accountable and help out with more of the payment at home. He has cattle with us and as i said before he puts NO money towards them just takes the money home when they are sold. I want to cut him out but my husband hired him and he puts up with him. HELP.
A, $1400 a month isn’t a huge income. I understand the economies of a farm only somewhat (having lived in farm country for a while and listened to my friends talk about the issues) but if the boy is making only $700 every two weeks, that’s under $20K a year, and not a lot of money. Does he also get his housing free? (I know it is common on farms for families to live fairly close together.) Have your son and his wife made a budget and have you seen it? Where is their money going? Is he being a spendthrift? On what? Unfortunately, other than taking all control for spending away from him, if he has enough and he’s wasting it, there’s not too much you can do about it. You’re right to stop giving advances. As for the “cattle” that he puts no money into, what would you expect him to pay? I’m afraid I do not have enough info to help further at this point.
Diane wrote: My son just started a full time job with a fairly good salary 38,000.He is living at home. He has purchased A used car and in doing so he obtained a line of credit and a credit card of which my husband and I co signed for. I would like to know if I should charge him rent my initial thought was that I wanted him to pay off his car and establish his credit however he is borrowing against his credit and I am upset about this. I want him to be on a budget how do I go about doing this without causing world war 3.
ABSOLUTELY Diane. If he were on his own about 35% of his net income would go to housing… and then there’s food and laundry and everything else. You most certainly need to charge him at least 35% of his net income or he will get used to spending all his money on nonsense and then won’t be able to cope when he finally does move out. I see this time and time again, and I always shake my head at well-intentioned parents who allow their adult children to get used to a disposable income they’ll never again have. Please, do your boy a favour and make him live a real life with real costs.
Mrs. E wrote: Hi Gail, My 21 year old daughter has accumulated over $5000.00 worth of credit card debt over the past 3 years. We convinced her to move back home, go to college, and use her part time job to pay back her debt. She quit school before the year was finished, and has not made a dent in her debt, while continuing to live from pay cheque, to pay cheque, and living with friends. I know she is just running away from her problems, as she sees them as insurmountable. My son and husband think she should file for personal bankrupcy. I feel this will only reinforce her lack of accountability, and set her up for future failures. What do you suggest? Our phone rings non stop with recordings of creditors looking for payments!
Honey, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how upset you must be watching your little girl in a tail-spin. $5,000 is by no means an insurmountable amount of debt. And declaring bankruptcy would create a bad record for a long time. But your daughter’s issues aren’t strictly money-related. If she has no focus — if she can’t finish school, keep a roof over her head — and do the things in a normal life, then she probably needs some help figuring out what exactly it is that SHE wants. She has a very long life ahead of her, and she’s lost right now. She needs some help figuring out what’s important to her and what she’s prepared to do to get it. Career counselling might help. Or just someone she can talk it through with so she can get outside her own head might help. As for the collection calls, there are rules about when and how often a collection agency can call. Read this.
Lisa wrote: Okay, my husband and I make good money (130,000)annual. I have been giving the fourmoney to get through university. They are almost done. Now I still feel like I need to give them money. My second oldest is heading off to Korea with no money for a few months and I feel like I need to give her money. My third oldest just started her Master degree and is struggling with money and the guilt kicks in. My youngest graduates next year with a four year degree and wants to go to college for two years. Will it ever end or do I just need to turn off the money taps??? Help. The guilt is killing me.
Lisa, first of all guilt is a waste of emotion! Girl, what do you have to feel guilty about? You’ve provided for a family, helped in every way you could and raised happy, healthy children. You should be glowing with pride. Children don’t get a free ride just because they are children. They need to learn that if they want something — to go to Korea, to get a Masters, to do two extra years of college — they have to find a way to pay for it. I’m all for helping children when the money is there, but if you’re this torn up you need to pull back a little and figure out what you “want” to do and what you think you “must” do because of the “guilt.” Then lose the guilt.
I suggest you make a budget that not only covers your basic needs, but some of your wants too. Then I suggest you have a sit down chat with the kids and tell them how much you love them, how proud you are, and how certain you are that they can have the lives they want, but that it’s time they started to pay for those lives. You’ll help when you can — those are small gifts that you give because you “want” to give them — but now it’s time for you to take care of your future and your present!
This isn’t going to be easy. I know what it feels like to want to give your kids EVERYTHING! But it’s not healthy for them because until they do for themselves they don’t know they CAN do for themselves.
But it isn’t just kids who are crazy! Here are two examples of notes I’ve received that bring me to tears.
T wrote: I’m 15 and my parents are in major dept and need help! Their money problems are tearing them apart! They also get mad at me when their mad at each other! They need HELP! What can I do?
T, my heart goes out to you. I’ve actually been getting quite a few letters from young people about their parents recently and I’m sad for you all. I wish I could help, but your parents need to want to help themselves. Sadly, money can do awful things to people, and so can the lack of it. I urge you to make sure you get a good financial education so you don’t end up in your parent’s shoes. As for helping them, all the tools are available on my website but they have to be prepared to do the hard work it takes to use them. I wish I could be of more help to you. Take care m’love.
Megan wrote: I’m 16 years old and I’m from Australia. I seen your show on AUSTAR and it was just what i was looking for. My family is in need of financial help!!!!! My mum wont do anything about it and neither will my step dad. I cry alot and I’m very scared for the future and i want to know that we’ll be okay no matter what. Please please please we need your help!!! :’(
Megan, sweetie, I’d love to help but you’re a long way away and this is really a problem for your parents to be taking care of. I’m so sorry that at your tender age you’re upset about money. But at least you now know how you DON’T want to live your life. Start learning about money, how it works and how to make it work for you. Get yourself a part-time job so you can start saving for school and buy some of the things you may need that your parents can’t help you with. Make sure you save a little of each pay for down the road. And know that you have your whole life ahead of you. What seems like an impossible situation now will not last forever… at least for you… you have the ability to make a life for yourself that is both balanced and full of joy. You can choose to be in charge of your money and your life, or to continue to repeat your parents’ mistakes. I hope you make a happy choice.
J wrote: Gail I need help I am 41 years old and live togather with my mom we have worked together and have a great home and have over come financial and emotional hardships . We both have a good income she is self employed in the heating and air conditioning business and I am in the film industry. My mom controls the money. I allow this to happen because I can’t fight about money it’s like we are married Gail I need a separation and I don’t know how too do it without hurting her she has a tremendous amount of guilt because of our arrangement is there a way to do it so we both gain My mom is 63 and its important to me that she can slow down soon we make money and well she is old school and I am new school I can’t make it work can I have my mom back without having to start over PLEASE HELP
J, it can be very hard to change your circumstances without anyone’s feelings being hurt, but if that’s what is really important to you, then you need to sit down with your Mom and tell her the truth. It’s a shame that at 41 your Mom still feels she needs to be in charge of your money. It must have been working for you or you wouldn’t have stuck with it for so long. But now that you want things to be different, you need to tell her so, and why. No doubt she loves you to bits, as you love her. You need to start talking through this together to come to a good place where you both feel you’re growing stronger. I don’t know enough about either of you to help, but I’m sure you have a friend or family that you could use as a sounding board. If not, then you should find a counsellor to help you negotiate the next phase of your relationship.
November 3, 2009 at 7:41 am
Wow, how do these early 20s kiddies get that much credit. At 20 I had a 500 limit credit card for emergencies.
I know a few people like ‘S’ who make a good income and still live with Mom and Dad under the premise that they are saving to buy a house/condo. I find that they spend quite a bit of money going out, going on vacation and on clothes. When you crunch the numbers on what it costs to live in a $200,000+ condo and everything that comes with it, I think they get scared and think they cannot live on that much money.
November 3, 2009 at 8:14 am
Rebecca, at 18, I had a limit of $500 that jumped to $1000 (without a request from me) before I was 19. It then jumped by a few hundred every three months or so, without any requests or prompting from me. After I got a points card at 20 (maybe 21?) though, my original card stopped going up as frequently. Now that I’m 24, both cards have an equal amount of credit available to me, but I only use my original card on occasion, and for online purchases only.
I didn’t abuse the card when I got it though – I saw what my parents did with their credit, and the problems that were caused by over-spending, and wanted nothing to do with that way of living.
November 3, 2009 at 8:34 am
For ‘S’: She’s obviously got her numbers worked out for the condo. Rather than saving a guestimate amount of 35%, why not put away everything it owuld cost to live in the condo? That way she’ll get to know exactly what she can expect.
And why not take advantage of having parents who are obviously supportive to help keep her accountable. Tell your parents your goal, tell them you’d like to show them your progress every month so that you can’t cheat yourself, and ask them to hold you to that.
To Diane, rather than charging him rent per se, you could simply set up your expectations of his savings. What would it cost him to live away? He needs to save that and then some if he wants the advantages of living at home. That way he gets to keep his money for an eventual house downpayment, and you get the satisfaction of knowing he’s not abusing your hospitality.
November 3, 2009 at 8:55 am
And just a little something to add to Sharon. I don’t want to scare you, but my sister has a history of finding abusive men and often the most visible part of the abuse (from outside the relationship) is the financial abuse. I would be wondering about why this boyfriend has so much of a hold on your daughter. Maybe she’s just insecure and desperate to please him… maybe he’s making her feel like she must please him by buying things.
Either way, it’s not a bad idea for you to start gathering some resources to help her be a stronger partner in this relationship (while it lasts) and to build a healthier relationship the next time around.
November 3, 2009 at 9:09 am
I don’t Believe it. I’m 29 now just for reference. Throughout college I didn’t have a credit card, only student loan debt. When I got my first job post college, they wouldn’t give me a credit card. Not enough work history I was told. I asked the lady on the other end what would happen if I adjusted my income to that of my college job (way less income) and said I was still in school, would I get the card then? She told me that yes I’d then qualify for the card, however since that wasn’t my actual situation, I couldn’t get it. oh well I had to wait 6 months before I could get a card, which was a mistake anyways, I’ve learned my lesson. But I don’t get how these young adults get that sort of credit. We need better money management education.
regards,
Jason
November 3, 2009 at 9:17 am
To Sharon: that is an awful situation you are in, I’m very sorry your daughter won’t listen to reason. I agree with Gail, don’t give her any money but save it for that inevitable rainy day. Just be as non-judgemental as you can in the meantime so that when she needs you, she won’t feel like you’ll tell her “I told you so”. If she asks you for money and you say “no because he’s selfish” she may listen. Money talks.
To parents with kids in university: two family friends of ours charged their children a fair rent for the area they were living in and banked the whole thing. Once the children graduated, parents #1 gave him the money as a downpayment for a house and parents #2 gave her the money to put on her student loans. Also, my parents saved up to help me through university, to cover anything I couldn’t earn myself. They drew the line after one degree so if I wanted anything else I was to earn it all myself. This made me quite choosy about what I studied. They wanted me on my feet but self-suffiencient and responsible too. Now I’m doing the same thing for my kids.
November 3, 2009 at 10:24 am
To all these poor Mums and Dads, I totally agree with Gail… just pull back, stop the handouts and watch your kids grow! I say this because I am on the other side of being the out of control 20 year old being taken advantage of by her boyfriend [but we're in LOVE!], maxing out credit cards, and floundering in school. I was not able to move forward with any accountability until their coddling stopped. It wasn’t like I was consciously trying to bleed them dry, but I think my parents needed to remember you teach people how to treat you! I just thought thats how this money thing worked until you magically got a job that took care of it all and end of story. I am happy to say that while I am not debt free, everything is taken care of and our parent/child relationship is back in proper balance.
Reading one of the notes you received from “A”, what is that poor boy THINKING!! Its bad enough that he puts no money into the cattle, but has recent history not taught him the sensitivity of the international cattle market?! What will he do when prices crash, a drought hits, an unseasonable snow storm takes all the cattle in one fell swoop? I say this as a farm girl and sister of a brother who runs an enormous cattle ranch deep in the southern states… agriculture is the most unforgiving business a person can get themselves into. He will need SERIOUS resolve if he has any intentions on keeping this farm in the family, otherwise send him to trade school and keep him off the farm! Yikes!
November 3, 2009 at 10:33 am
My question to “S” is simply: why is the option live at home (“forever”, as she’s basically moaning) or buying a condo she can’t really afford yet? There is another option: Renting – and it’s such good life experience, I can’t emphasize it enough. It’s kind of like having your toe in the water — sure you pay rent each month, but it’s less than a mortgage and it’s certainly less than mortgage+taxes+utilities+maintenance+repairs (yes condos require repairs sometimes, dishwashers wear out). But you get an education on what life really costs. I was born in 1975, moved out at 19 and paid rent while putting myself through university, and bought my first condo at 26.
People have this misconception that ‘rent’ is a waste of money, when in fact it’s an education in real life. I remember being in school and people would say ‘you live on your own? that’s so cool’ and I’d then ask them what a box of tide costs. They couldn’t tell me.
November 3, 2009 at 11:31 am
It is wonderful when parents are able to assist their adult children pay for their education but there needs to come to a point where these same ‘children’ are tipped out of the nest. While these young adults may not have much money when they first start out, truly they will find a way to feed, clothe and provide shelter for themselves. I remember starting out 20 years ago and living on $40/week (not including rent) to pay for my food, transportation(bus), clothing and entertainment. I had to be attentive to every penny I spent and carefully spend my money but I certainly wasn’t living on the street. Having to watch every dime I spent on groceries encouraged me to work hard and get a job where I could go to the grocery store and put whatever I liked in my cart. (This is a good thing because with three teenage boys in the house, they ate through three jumbo sized boxes of cereal last week! We bought more at Costco on the weekend but I told my husband that I was going to hide it!:)) I did not enjoy being poor and have worked so that I am in a position where I can easily provide for the needs (not every want) of my family. 95% of people starting out have very little money. I have yet to meet new parents, for example, who do not complain about having little money. This is the way of life and we all get through it. Should the time come when my kids are done school/college/university and are still living at home, I look forward to charging them rent – it will offset the cost of trying to keep food in the house!
November 3, 2009 at 11:43 am
@Geoff I love your point about renting. And I’ve never understood this obstinate idea that rent is always a waste of money. A roof is one of our most basic physical needs. We have to pay money for it no matter what the long term outcome.
We spend a lot of money on groceries too and I never hear anyone bemoaning the fact that they don’t get equity in Safeway when they shop there!
November 3, 2009 at 11:47 am
To Sharon:
I disagree with Gail on one important point. If a boyfriend is abusive (money is just the surface), she has a right to step in. Her daughter needs to be educated in being aware when people are abusing her. The approach has to be correct for the situation because the statement “he is not like that” can come out and everything can backfire. Sharon can also sit down with her daughter to talk about budgeting, just that (not boyfriend directly, just as an expense). Tools are important. Do spend time with your daughter so that she gains the self-confidence to take control of her life. Find activities that will show her how much she can accomplish on her own. Their is no need to mention the boyfriend during those activities. Good luck!
November 3, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I was somewhat similiar to this 20 year old girl. Except I didn’t ever let him dig me that far into debt. BUT, my parents knew he was no good, that he was all lies etc and when we broke up and they told me this I asked them why didn’t you tell me? They asked me, would of it made a difference? No it wouldn’t of.
You know what though, I am happy for my lesson. I am also very happy that I was smart enough never to let him put me in debt. The only debt mutual debt he left me with was the car loan which I was fine with because I had a good reliable car. I did cosign a loan for him but made the bank remove me after 6 months good payment history and man I was happy I did that because after we broke up guess who was calling me, the bank he had the loan from. But they weren’t calling me for pymts they were calling me to see if I could give them any info on how to get ahold of him.
I have mixed feelings on adults living with their parents. Part of me feels like it is really unfair to the parents. When I had to go back to my parents for 5 months after a break up while I searched for another place and got my feet on the ground I felt very guilty. They had already spent 25 years raising all my sisters and I and now this is there time. I haven’t had kids yet and maybe I don’t understand why parents let their kids stay for so long because I am not a parent but I really hope my kid is still not living with me when they are 29.
November 3, 2009 at 1:23 pm
My children are all still little so I have no experience or advice on how to handle adult children who are not financially independent yet, but I did want to share that I started my two older children on their jars last month. My oldest (9yo) really didn’t want anything to do with it, preferring to keep his head buried deeply in the sand, oblivious to the costs of needs, wants, life in general… but just this week, he blew through his last set of socks and asked if I could take him to the store to buy new socks. Sure, I said… let’s go into your clothing jar and get $10. At the store, I helped him find the right socks but I left him to manage the check out and final purchase of the socks independently. I think the cashier though it was cute that he was paying for his own new socks – and he was very proud to hand over his $10 bill and receive the receipt and change, which he promptly stuffed into his pocket. He returned the change into his jar and added the purchase into his budget binder and thanked me for helping him buy new socks. We’re on our way! My hope is that I will NOT have a sad story like the poor parents in Gail’s blog. Thanks Gail, for helping teach ME how to teach my children how to handle their money!!!
November 3, 2009 at 1:51 pm
To the young girls seeking help from Gail. I understand their fear and desire for help. My parents were horrible with money when I was their age. They declared bankruptcy – but didn’t fix the bad habits. When I was 19 – they borrowed my credit card when they went on a trip (in case of emergency) because they couldn’t get credit. I couldn’t make them better with money – but their mistakes taught me to never be like them. The only debt my husband and I have is our mortgage – and we are working hard to pay that off as quickly as possible (but we still have a life – not pinching every penny to death).
There is hope for the girls – they need to take control of what they do – and just hope their parents don’t screw them over too much. Good luck.
November 3, 2009 at 3:08 pm
S: I think Gail might have been just a little hard on you (sorry Gail, big fan but not sure you’ve hit this one square).
Assuming you graduated school at $0 (bit of an assumption on my part, admittedly)…
You’ve saved $25,000 for the car, and $20,000 in cash, for a total of $45,000. Your net monthly income over the last 2 years is about $3700, for a total of $89,000. You have saved about 50% of your income in that time, and you’re spending about $1833/month on your life. Yes, that’s probably a bit high for a 29-year old with negligible fixed living expenses, but you’re probably not as evil as you’ve been painted either. Saving 50% of your income is a good accomplishment.
However, you’re not completely in the right either. I like Geoff’s comment about renting – this is not a choice between your parent’s basement and jumping over a cliff with a condo purchase (which I agree with you would be rather steep for your single income – you would be house poor indeed).
I would delay a real estate purchase until you have a committed partner who can share the costs of the household. It is expensive, and it is not realistic anymore to expect to be able to afford to purchase on one modest income – simple truth.
Overall, you write with a tone of financial conservatism that will serve you well in life. Keep that perspective.
November 3, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I have to agree with Gail. Parents do their children no good when allowing adult children to live rent free and not be responsible. Nowhere in the books does it say you have to leave mommy & daddy’s nest straight into one you purchased. You start by renting, getting your feet wet. Learning what it costs for food, laundry, housing, utilities and transportation. That is the greatest gift your parents can give you. I have a 20 yr old son that could use help but he needs to figure this out on his own. To bail him out would delay that critical life lesson he needs to learn. The sooner they learn those lessons the sooner they can move on to healthy financial independent means. I may sound mean but our jobs as parents are to raise our kids to be independent responsible adults. Not still living in the basement at 29 with multiple degrees and no job.
November 3, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I will echo what others said that parents with older teens or young adults should let them go a little in terms of finances. At 20, I had no idea or appreciation for the amount of money my parents spent on me.
It’s great if you can help your kids out with their education or living expenses, but don’t do it at the cost of your future. Make sure saving for your retirement is a top priority so your kids don’t have to pay for it later.
My father said he would help pay for my first diploma, and he did. I ended up dropping out of my program, wasting a lot of money and then demanded my dad co-sign another 20k for me to start diploma #2. He refused, obviously, and it drove a huge rift between us.
I wasn’t stable (depressed/anxious) at the time and I was blowing money left and right. I didn’t have a budget and despite not living at home, I didn’t have a clue what things actually cost. I just charged whatever I wanted or needed to my credit card and paid off my card with my line of credit. (oh boy)
2 years later, I am proud to say I have gone back to school, gotten a certificate and a high paying job, and live in my own apartment. I pay for everything I need or want myself and have even been paying off debt.
My dad and I are close again and I finally feel like an “adult” with good financial goals. I have proven to my dad that I am financially responsible and I feel more independent than ever.
I am living on a TIGHT budget, but I have learned to plan for what I want and that I don’t need all the stuff I thought I did. I am saving to go back to school next year and it feels great to know I can do it without going deeper and deeper into debt.
So yeah, it may be hard at first to say NO, but I think a lil bit of tough love is for the best in the long run.
November 3, 2009 at 7:04 pm
WOW! It amazes how much parents worry about their adult kids debt! My parents let us manage our own debt. Both my brother and I are successful without haven gotten a dollar from our parents for post secondary education. I have 2 diplomas and my brother has 2 degrees. Let your kids deal with their own problems. i find parents are too smoothering of their kids, they can’t even cross the street without mommy or daddy and they are 10+yrs old.
November 3, 2009 at 9:43 pm
@ Geoff:
I loved the “Tide” comment. I rented after I graduated college (my parents paid for my post-secondary education, although tuition fees at that time didn’t cost you an arm and a leg). I never understood why my friends were in such a rush to move away from home. When I landed in my first place, after my folks dropped me off, I stood in the middle of the living room and thought – “Geez, now I gotta pay when I watch tv, turn the lights on, shower, cook a meal – lights, water, cable, heat!” That was aside from food costs and paying for the roof over my head. After 2.5 years renting, I moved back home to save a down payment for my first purchase. I paid my parents what I referred to as ‘conscience’ money – it wasn’t a huge sum but I felt that since they were kind enough to allow me to return home – it was only fair to cover the extra water and food costs they would incur with me there.
@ Mrs. T:
I just think it’s terrific that you’ve already instilled in your 9 yr old the value of money and that ‘things’ cost money. You are providing your children a huge life lesson. I truly believe that when you have to ‘save’ for something (if you’re not old enough to work), you definitely appreciate the item you’re buying so much more. You rob your children of a sense of accomplishment (be it if they save their allowance and/or when old enough to work a part-time job) when you simply ‘buy’ things for them.
November 3, 2009 at 11:14 pm
In the book “The Millionaire Next Door”, the writer examines how poorly children who receive financial support (sometimes throughout their own lives!) but don’t have any responsibility fair. And it’s not good. The more financial support (past education) they receive the less successful they are. One couple in their 50s still received financial support from the wife’s parents so they could live the lifestyle they desired but couldn’t afford. Crazy.
November 4, 2009 at 12:04 am
When I got my first credit card at 18, I had a limit of 1,000 (I think). Right now it stands at 15,000!!! I only asked for an increase once (when I was bad with money.. I asked to go from 2000 to 5000). I have since asked them to stop raising it.
November 4, 2009 at 12:07 am
@Jason…..credit card companies used to come to the universities and advertise their ‘alumni’ cards. They always had some hokey free gift (like a crap USB stick). That was at least 5 year ago (for reference time).
Not sure how those cards worked, but they were there
November 4, 2009 at 9:54 am
It amazes how easily credit cards are handed out to students. When I started college I applied for a Student visa, didnt need any income, just had to state my student number and I was approved. Sure it was only a $500 limit.. but still considering I had no work history(worked for cash previosuly) it surprsied me. I was happy though, rarely used it, I only got it to start building a credit history. I got it knowing it was easier to get one as a student then it would be when I actaully started working.
November 4, 2009 at 10:27 am
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November 6, 2009 at 10:41 am
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