Comments on: Intervention

By: Tracy J

Tracy J — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 02:28:06 +0000

THANK YOU! All of what you have said is great. I am her only other sibling, and there is no spiritual support, but I will see if I can gently probe other family and friends that care to carefully form a strategy on how to breach the subject with love and offer emotional support and maybe even some tips from TDDUP!
About whether THEY think there is a problem…. it’s a touchy thing. Sometimes I am stuck hearing them complain about each other’s spending, and the racked-up debt. Near tears, or in angry tones they confide how upset they are at the irrisponsible spending of the other. Then the next day they are happily bragging about how they want to build a new home! So they SOMETIMES seem aware of the problem and stress about it, but most of the time they happily play and shop to their heart’s content “knowing” it will all be covered by job bonuses, raises and other future financial influxes….
Excuses I have heard: “We can always consolidate again, we can always get a home-equity loan, we can always cut back on spending whenever we want, why worry about emergencies when we have a visa?”
…. so we have talked about it.
I will proceed with caution, and meanwhile put the timer on their big screen TV with digital TV receiver for TDDUP (the new time of course!)

By: kristin

kristin — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:48:21 +0000

you can lead a horse to water…….
sounds like this might be a good time to take a portion of the $ you spend on the kids for b-days and x-mas and tuck it away for them later (them not being their parents). when it comes time to the education their parents don’t seemed concerned about, I’m sure only getting 2 Barbie’s for x-mas 10 years earlier won’t seem so bad. the kids aren’t making the bad choices, right?
i know a couple people like this. somehow, they never starve. they never go without diapers or clothes for school. they never go without cable either. odd. but as for education savings, perhaps you could ease what will become a guilty conscience when they ask for $ ‘for the kids sake’ and you tell them to take a hike, that what you’ve done is better directed the money you would have spent on the children anyways into something they’ll need later on.
just a thought. i wish you the best of luck and tread cautiously!

By: Sharlene Burke

Sharlene Burke — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:05:34 +0000

I’ve encountered the same circumstances and outcome as Colleen. I can direct, worry and badger to a point and then I had to walk away and it was very hard because I knew what was coming. Ultimately, I can concern myself with my household and no one else. I have taken the time and made the effort to educate myself in money matters, and let’s be clear that there are LOTS of resources. Anyone can do it, unless they choose not to and there is a consequence to their actions.

By: Colleen

Colleen — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:26:03 +0000

Gail,
Interesting post. I confronted a member of my family and ultimately I think people are going to do whatever they want. My sister-in-law and I ever made an appointment with Credit Counselling for this person and we showed up at the appointment but they did not. It was at that moment that I realized that while I saw his debt as a huge problem…he did not. And also by making appointments for him I was enabling him not to sort out his own problems. I had to back away and let the chips fall where they may…harder said than done when it is someone you care about but it really is the only thing to do. As for the bailout it came and they thought we were the worst kind of people for not offering help but in the end they are still talking to us and still racking up debt.